Take Whatever You Can Get

Author: Kieyra

Website: http://www.geocities.com/kieyra/

Summary: He does remember, though, the first day he accepted it; this new reality that had a woman named Lorelai in it.

Rating: R

PROLOGUE

   Luke doesn't remember the first time he and Lorelai met.  He knows they must have seen each other around; it is a small town, after all.  He has spent his whole life here, and she has lived here sixteen years or more. Surely they crossed paths many times before he noticed her in the diner.

    The fact is, after Rachel left the first time,  Luke stopped noticing people much. He went through the motions of living, but that was all.  He wasn't going to give life another chance to break him.  But he still had to get through all the days.  So he played along, paid lip service to life, but his heart wasn't in it any more.  He'd never had particularly high expectations of life in the first place.  When Rachel left, it just confirmed what he'd suspected all along: That he wasn't cut out for anything but survival; getting through the day, every day, with a minumum of irritation.

    But somewhere along the way, this raven-haired woman came into sharp focus, in outright defiance of the comforting, featureless blur that was life and the diner.  Like a character from Pleasantville, she didn't give a damn if Luke's world was gray, she would exist in nothing less than full Technicolor.

    He doesn't remember when he learned her name.  When she stopped being part of the overall blur and stubbornly took on a distinct identity, he still refused to think of her as Lorelai.  Instead, he just thought of her as the hyperactive woman with the strangely precocious, strangely non-whiny kid. And he tried, he did try, to ignore her, to force her back into the blur with the others, but it didn't work.

    And she had the damnedest way of making everything around her more real, too, by noticing every little thing, joking about it, words falling out of her mouth faster than any normal person could keep up with.  And she dragged others out of the blur along with her - Rory, Kirk, Babette, Miss Patty - until Luke's world was suddenly populated with real, breathing people again.

    It was very confusing.  How had she done that? No mortal woman should wield such power.

    He does remember, though,  the first day he accepted it, this new reality that had a woman named Lorelai in it:

    "Can you believe it?" she is asking young Rory, who is all wide-eyed, loyal indignation, "And then the sales clerk just stared at me with this confused look on her face, like I hadn't just spent fifty bucks there fifteen minutes earlier -- thanks, Duke," she says, as Luke refills her coffee,  "--Like I haven't been shopping there as long as she's been working there. You'd think I would have made an impression by now. People need to pay more a leetle more attention."

    "This, coming from the woman who's been calling me the wrong name for a couple of  years," Luke says with a tight smile, and the words hang there for a moment. He's not sure where they came from. It was definitely his voice, but it sounded like something his old man or one of his uncles would say.  A sense of humor, or at least of banter, is something he used to have but has deemed extraneous to post-Rachel life.

    He glances sidelong at her, wondering if they could perhaps pretend he hasn't spoken up on a subject other than pancakes, but her face has broken into an impossibly beautiful, triumphant grin and she says, "Ah, but I did that on purpose."   

    "Why?" he asks. He is truly curious.

    "I wanted to see if you'd ever react," she says, still grinning.

    "Well, sorry I took so long to catch on," he replies, and strangely, he means it. He can't recall the last time he was so involved in a conversation.

    "Oh, it's fine. Now I get to come up with new and more innovative ways of tormenting you."

    He is very much afraid she's not kidding.

    But he toys with an idea: Maybe twenty-eight is too young to give up one's sense of humor.   

    And after that, they have an unspoken truce of sorts, and she stops being 'that-woman-with-the-kid', and becomes Lorelai.

    And he becomes, finally, Luke.

***

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

It is 11:25pm on a Saturday night, and Luke's phone rings. Not the diner phone, but the phone upstairs, his personal phone. This phone usually only rings for a few reasons:  for Jess, a wrong number, or bad news. Nicole doesn't call this late.

    Rory and Jess are together, out, somewhere, being young, so it can't be Rory. The wrong numbers only happen when Luke is busy downstairs, or in the shower, or otherwise occupied. Which leaves bad news. Luke groans; he's just gotten comfortable, having closed up the diner, taken a shower, and had a beer, and now he was looking forward to a pleasant evening of falling asleep in front of the television. A Saturday night alone is actually a luxury these days, between his nephew and his - girlfriend? He has a girlfriend? Luke is conscious of the fact that this is the first time he's thought of Nicole as a girlfriend. Well, they've been dating for a month and a half now, what else are they to each other? He is not sure. But the phone is still ringing.  He sighs and gets up.

    "Yeah?" is the way he answers the phone.

    "He dumped me," says a woman's voice, unrecognizable with crying.
  
    "I'm sorry to hear that, ma'am, but I think you've got the wrong number."

    "Luke," sobs the voice, "It's me. Lorelai."

    Oh. Lorelai generally does not call him on the phone. When she wants something from him, she just shows up in person. He has always gotten the feeling that the phone is just too restrictive a medium for her personality.  

    "Who dumped you?" he asks, stupidly, because it can really only be Alex, but he doesn't want to presume to know.

    "Matthew McConaughey," she says, exasperated. "Helena Bonham Carter strikes again."
   
    "Huh? Did you accidentally drink too much cough syrup again?"

    "Alex. Alex dumped me." She says this slowly and carefully, as though he's not so bright.  Well, maybe he isn't.

    "Oh. Uh, sorry. What happened?"

    "Can you come over?"

    "Of course."

    Of course he can.
   
 ***

    When the car accident with Rory and Jess happens, Lorelai does not call him from the hospital, no, she just shows up in person. She is yelling and screaming and getting in his face, and it takes a while for the words to make sense. Eventually he is able to piece things together,  but he's still not sure exactly how it happened.  Lorelai seems to think Jess has done this on purpose. And, by extension, she blames Luke. He wonders where she learned her definition of  "accident". And at a time when he still has no clue if Jess is hurt or not, she continues to yell, and this is the thing that really sticks with Luke for a while.

    He expected Lorelai, of all people, to understand the importance of family, to understand his obligation to take care of Jess. Instead, she seems to think  that Jess should come in a distant third on Luke's list of priorities; after Lorelai and Rory, of course. He wonders where he himself fits in on her list, if he's ever even made an appearance there.  And the certain one-sidedness of their relationship, the thing he's always been able to ignore, is dragged out into the open and lit by harsh floodlights.

    And he withdraws from Lorelai. She's had him wrapped around her finger for a long time, but this strange selfishness of hers, her inability to see this situation from his perspective, has made her much less attractive to him.  And he is angry, and hurt.

    He sends Jess away. Not to appease Lorelai, no, although he secretly hopes she feels a little guilty when she hears about it. No, he sends Jess away because he suddenly has his first real flash of parental instinct; he knows damned well that Jess is going to ask him if he can come back. And he knows it's the only way he's ever going to get a little bit of control over Jess, something resembling the upper hand. By proving to Jess that he, Luke, has something that Jess wants, that only Luke can provide. And that something is Stars Hollow and a semblance of stability.  So he sends him away, and never quite gets around to sending his belongings back.

    And when Jess returns, Luke has a profound sense of satisfaction; he's finally starting to get the hang of understanding how human nature works and using it to his advantage. Better late than never.

    Meanwhile Lorelai has apologized. She has apologized in person, and she has apologized in a letter. She has begged him to return to their former friendship. And while he is inwardly pleased to hear her apologies, to see this evidence that she actually needs him, he is still reluctant to open back up because he was just getting used to the idea that maybe he didn't need her. Well, and because he's enjoying having the upper hand with her, too.  Overall, this whole upper-hand thing is way more fun than he realized.

    But eventually, of course, he caves.  He caves because he has to see her every day, and she is beautiful and funny and warm and she needs him.

    If only as a friend.

    You take what you can get.

***

    Luke pulls on a sweater over his t-shirt (out of flannels; tomorrow is laundry day), decides that his hair is still too wet for a cap, and heads for his truck.

    When he arrives at Lorelai's house, she answers the door wearing a slinky black dress and high heels, which confuses Luke for a moment until he realizes it is Saturday night and she must have been out on a date with Alex. Dumped during a date. Ouch.

    She is also holding a box of Kleenex. He trails her into the living room, where she has set up a nest on the couch: a paper bag already partially full of used tissue; a bag of Chips Ahoy, and a carton of Nestle Quik. She's got this down.

    He should have known this would be an occasion for junk food. He shakes his head, but he has to respect how well-prepared she was.

    He sits down in a chair.  "Do you want to tell me what happened?" he asks.

    "Alex dumped me," she says, kicking off her heels and collapsing on the couch. Luke has to stop himself from making a wisecrack about broken records.

    "Why?" he asks instead. He's not sure it's any of his business; he's pretty sure it's not, but he doesn't know what else to say.

    He sees that it was in fact a bad question, and that Lorelai is not going to answer him honestly.  Instead she says, "Because he's a jerk."

    "Well, clearly," Luke replies with a smile.  And he means it; Alex is a jerk because he made Lorelai cry.  Luke would like to punch him right about now, but he doesn't even know what Alex looks like so he'll have to let it go.

    Still, it's the thought that counts, so he asks, "Do you want me to beat him up?"

    But Lorelai doesn't even laugh, she just stares at him, oddly, and then starts a fresh round of crying.  Luke has never really seen her like this, speechless with grief. He is not sure how to handle a non-verbal Lorelai.  Well, he's not really sure how to handle a verbal Lorelai either, but that at least doesn't strictly require his interaction.

    So after a few uncomfortable moments of watching her cry and not knowing what to say, he finally understands what is expected of him. He takes a deep breath and stands up, and walks over to sit next to her on the couch.

    She is sitting with her long legs folded up underneath her, face buried in one hand, tissue in another. At  first he is just going to pat her on the back. Her date-dress has a halter-style top,  her back and shoulders are bare, so patting her on the back is going to involve touching her bare skin, but he cannot see any way around it. He pats her back gently. Her skin is cool and soft.     
   
    As soon as she feels his hand on her back she leans over into him, and so he puts an arm around her shoulder.  But she keeps, well, leaning, burying her face in his chest, so the easiest thing to do is put his other arm around her, too, and there is really nowhere for his hands to go that isn't bare skin.

    So here he is. He is sitting here with Lorelai in his arms, her cheek pressed against his chest, her hand clutching absently at his sweater. He rocks her a little. He can smell her perfume, and he thinks about the fact that the perfume was intended for Alex, not him. And then he's not thinking of anything at all, because he is sitting here with Lorelai in his arms. Carefully continuing not to think, he strokes her hair gently with one hand. His other hand rests somewhere on her upper back. He's engrossed with the way she smells and the texture of her hair and wishing he could crawl into a bed with her and warm up all the cold skin of her back and shoulders.

    And between being engrossed and not thinking, he doesn't realize at first that she's started to talk; it takes him a moment to notice that the words "It was because of you," have just come out of her mouth.

***

    When Jess and Rory start dating, Luke is confused, and elated, and concerned, and jealous. Yes, let's be honest, he is jealous of Jess, because Jess has, through tenacity and god-knows-what-else, gotten the girl he wanted. A Gilmore girl. He is even a little jealous of Rory, too, after Lorelai describes the specifics to him; he is wise enough to know that if Dean had not dumped Rory, if she had finally had to admit her feelings and dump him, it would have been much harder on her.  She does not handle guilt well; she has not yet learned her mother's trick of sidestepping it. All things considered, she got off easy. Without Dean recognizing what was going on and breaking things off,  she would most likely have spent many more months secretly pining after Jess.

    And Luke is well aware how much fun that isn't.

***

    "What?"  Luke asks.

    "Because of you," Lorelai repeats. "Alex... ended things with me. Because of you."
   
    "I wasn't even there," he says, trying to be funny, because this is making no sense and Lorelai told him once that humor is the last refuge of the nonsensical.

    "But you were," she says. "As he pointed out to me, I never stop talking about you around him."

    "Did you explain that it's probably just the coffee withdrawal talking? Because, I could hook him up with my secret Lorelai formula if that'll help."

    "Luke, I know how strange these next two words are going to sound coming from me, but I'm serious."

    "Well, did you tell him he was crazy?"

    Pause.

    And then Luke understands. And in case there was any doubt left, Lorelai, who is no longer crying, has taken this moment to sit up a little, and turn her face towards his and whisper "He's not crazy." And then she uses her totally unfair mind powers to hypnotize him so he can focus on nothing but her lips. So he kisses her, very softly, and she tastes like chocolate as she kisses him back.

    Just the one tentative kiss, and then she pulls away and looks down shyly. "I know you still have the thing, with Nicole," she says softly.  "So I understand if you want to take care of that first."

    When Luke was a teenager, he had a Rubik's Cube. He liked it a lot. He especially loved the final click when the last twist solved the puzzle and set all the colors right. Sometimes, when he suddenly adds everything up, when a bunch of bits of information coalesce into a big picture in his head, he remembers the Rubik's Cube.

    "Take care of it," he says. "The thing with Nicole."

    Click.

    Lorelai pulls back from him, out of his arms. "Yeah," she says. "Ending things with her. I mean, I assumed..." and her voice trails off, because, Luke guesses, she has realized that he is no longer following the script. Luke stands up.

    "You assumed that now that you've crashed and burned for the third or fourth time running, it's time to give ol' Luke a chance," he says, and he hardly recognizes his own voice, and she recoils like she's been hit.  "You assumed that I'd just drop whatever I was doing, whoever I was doing and come fix things, because that's what you've pretty much trained me to do over the last few years."

    It takes some effort not to yell.

    "Luke!" she gasps. "Didn't you hear anything I said?"

    "I heard. You Gilmore girls sure are lucky, aren't you? Even your significant others are considerate enough to dump you when they realize you're getting restless. You don't even have to do the dirty work. Just get dumped on cue, fall into the waiting arms of the next guy. And nevermind if he already has someone else. Nevermind the Shanes, and the Sherris, and the Nicoles of the world."

    Lorelai looks shocked, really shocked. "You mean...  I thought...  I thought you wanted me," she breathes.

    He looks at her, curled up on the opposite end of the couch now, and he says, very carefully, "Of course I wanted you, Lorelai. Just not like this."

    And she is crying again now, and he feels bad, he does, he kind of wants to rewind things five minutes and just hold her, but he also feels angry. Angry and disappointed, because he doesn't want it to have been part of a script, and he doesn't want to be Rebound Guy, and he doesn't want to be taken for granted anymore. And he wonders how in the world she would ever have respected him if he'd just dropped everything and come running when she finally got to his number on the to-do list. Has she even thought about it? Is it better for her if she doesn't have to be bothered with respecting him, and when exactly did this feeling turn into rage?
   
    He is so angry, in fact, that he leaves then, and goes to a payphone and calls Nicole. And then he goes to Nicole's house. Before tonight, they've only ever kissed, but Nicole seems to have understood something about the tone of his voice on the phone.  She asks no questions; just answers the door in a pale robe.

    And afterwards, he is angry again, because as he is falling asleep in Nicole's huge bed, he realizes he is still thinking of Lorelai.

***

CHAPTER THREE

Luke observes Lorelai's romantic mishaps over the years. He knows a lot more about what goes on with her than she realizes; this town loves gossip and you overhear a lot of things when you run a restaurant.  

    It hurts, of course, watching Lorelai make the same mistakes over and over, but it rarely comes down to jealousy.  The only one of Lorelai's men who has really posed a threat to Luke is Christopher. They have so much history together, and they have Rory, an unbreakable bond, something Luke will never be able to touch. So it's a good thing that Luke is too busy being mad at Lorelai over the car accident to find out about the latest Christopher fiasco until it's already over with and Christopher is safely bound to another, pregnant, woman. Pregnant! Is this guy totally boneheaded? But anyway, crisis averted, although Luke senses it was a close call.

    But at the end of it all, he has weathered the Max storm, and has dodged the Christopher bullet, all with his dignity intact. 

    And so Luke is floored to discover that he is quite nearly insane with jealousy when he first hears about "Alex".

***   

    Lorelai does not come into the diner the day after the night things went so spectacularly wrong. But it is a Sunday, and this is not unusual.

    Luke spends Sunday evening with Nicole. It would seem weird not to, when she calls, after last night. Nicole has rented a bunch of serious movies, independent films, the kind of thing you know you're supposed to appreciate, but instead you end up spending a lot of time looking confused and wishing the plot had a little more resolution. Was the kid really a time-traveler, or just insane? And what did his death accomplish? And why all the Dukakis references? The movies make Luke's brain hurt, and he falls asleep in the middle of the second one. Nicole wakes him up later, and he apologizes and says he needs to go home and catch up on sleep. Nicole just smiles, and kisses him goodnight, and doesn't complain. She rarely complains about anything.

    By Wednesday, it is pretty clear that Lorelai is not coming back to the diner anytime soon. It's also clear that Jess knows something, that he's gotten some version of events from Rory, but one black look from Luke shuts him up. Give him credit, the kid knows exactly how far he can push before it's time to cut his losses.

    By Thursday night, the feelings of self-righteousness and good old masculine rage that have been carrying Luke along since Saturday begin to abandon him. He begins to feel the first creeping hints of uncertainty, and regret. He fights them off, reminding himself that he was right, but they are too much for him. By 11 p.m., he has picked up the phone and put it down again, undialed, no fewer than eight times. He feels Jess smirking at him from across the room, ignores him. He slams the phone down a final time and goes to bed.

    Rory comes in the next morning, and a shot of adrenaline kicks through Luke's nervous system.  He holds his breath, expecting to see Lorelai trailing behind at any moment. But she never appears, and Rory walks to the counter like she is walking to a funeral.

    "Hey Luke," she says.

    "Hey Rory.  How's things?"
   
    "Not bad. Could I get some coffee and a danish, to go?"

    "One coffee and danish, or two?" he asks, smiling a little, figuring Lorelai is lurking somewhere just around the corner.

    "Just one."

    "Oh. Sure. Coming right up."

    And he cannot help asking: "How's your Mom?" and bracing himself.

    Rory looks at Luke, hesitates, and he can see she is weighing her words. The girl really does think too much. Finally she says, "Just between you and me?"

    "Of course," Luke says, too quickly.

    "I don't know exactly what happened with you two. She won't tell me. All I know is, one day she says it's all her fault, and the next day she says she hates you and she's never speaking to you again and that she's becoming a lesbian and joining a convent.  So, on the whole, she's not so good."

    "Whose fault is it today?"

    "Well, I've only seen her pre-coffee today, so it was your fault. But that could change at any moment." She smiles a little.

    Luke nods. "Well, uh..."

    "Look, you don't have to say anything," Rory says. "I'm staying out of it, not taking sides, because frankly the idea of getting in the middle of you two right now is pretty scary."
   
    Luke smiles in what he hopes is a reassuring way. "I'm sure it'll work itself out."

    Rory looks dubious, but then Jess comes downstairs and that pretty much ends the conversation.

***

    To be fair, he's never met Alex. The details that Jess gleefully brings back from Rory to force upon Luke are, at best, yawn-worthy. Even Lorelai herself doesn't seem able to work up much enthusiasm. "He's nice," he hears Lorelai say again and again and again, as though she is discussing a dish at a restaurant that is acceptable but that she wouldn't bother ordering a second time. Like she is describing a bunch of sickly sweet flavored coffees that are nice once in a while but are not what you need at 7 a.m. on a Tuesday.

    And fishing? Their second date is fishing? The relationship is clearly doomed, with a misstep like that.

    And maybe the mediocrity of it all is what really gets to him.  She'd sooner go out with this cardboard cutout of a man than acknowledge the barest of Luke's hints,  give him an opening he can work with.  He is jealous, dammit, and he twitches inside every time he hears the name Alex and every time Lorelai evades some question, and it is really just getting to be intolerable. Something has to be done.

    And that something turns out to be a redhead named Nicole who picks precisely the right moment to walk into his diner.

    He's not too sure why she attracts him. He can feel it, though, even before Jess points it out. She reminds him a little of Bethany, his first serious girlfriend in high school, and even a little of Rachel. And she is so clearly an adult, and calm, and Luke is pretty sure Lorelai will never be either of these things. (And though he doesn't really count those among Lorelai's faults, anything that is not-Lorelai suddenly seems good).  But the kicker is that she's attracted to him, too. Chemistry. It's not something Luke feels often.

    At least, not with anyone but Lorelai.

***

    It's been a month now since Luke has seen Lorelai. Rory still comes into the diner; she comes in to see Jess, and she comes in for coffee, and every once in a while, tellingly, she gets an extra burger to go. Luke doesn't ask. They don't mention Lorelai. Neither of them knows what to say.

    Luke starts to feel like he's had a limb amputated. Sometimes he wants to call her. Sometimes he wants to write a letter, sneak it into the bag with her burger. Sometimes he wants to show up at Lorelai's front door with a limosine and two dozen long-stemmed roses and beg her to forgive him.  The rest of the time, he reminds himself that he did what he did for a reason, that he couldn't stand to be someone's lapdog, and that Lorelai wouldn't have liked him for long if he had.

    He continues to see Nicole. They get along pretty well and Nicole doesn't ask a lot of sneaky female questions or make demands of him. They go to movies, they go to dinner, and he usually spends Saturday nights at her place. They get into a sort of pattern.

    One night at dinner, Nicole mentions to him a new culinary school that's opened up nearby. "Have you ever thought about becoming an actual chef? You're a great cook."

    "Sometimes, yeah."

    But she doesn't push the issue, and he doesn't get the feeling that she's trying to manipulate him into leaving the diner, trying to change him; she's just passing along information that he might find interesting. And the next thing he knows,  Luke is really thinking about it. Working as a head chef somewhere would be a lot less work than the diner, and probably a lot better money. He suddenly has a vision of a future that doesn't include the diner, and it is terrifying.

    He starts to wonder if he should propose to Nicole. Not because he is madly in love with her; he isn't.  It's just that, after Rachel and Lorelai, he's starting to wonder if being madly in love with someone is a recipe for disaster. Maybe the successful relationships are between two people who merely like and tolerate each other.

    It's a depressing thought. But you have to take what you can get.

***

    The night of his first date with Nicole, the last person Luke wants to see while he is busy being nervous and self-conscious and feeling weird without his baseball cap is Lorelai Gilmore. But there she is, when he comes downstairs, sitting and chattering away and demanding coffee and looking beautiful.

    It takes a moment before she notices he is dressed up, and then she demands to know where he is going, because she of course considers every move he makes to be her business. Lorelai, the person who wouldn't even admit that her little fishing trip was a date until Luke called her on it. But while he is trying to give her a taste of her own medicine, Nicole walks in.  Luke suddenly remembers a day a couple of years past, when Lorelai was sitting at the counter like she is now, only it was Rachel walking in.  It's the same sort of feeling, the feeling that his strange friendship with Lorelai is something he should hide from other women in his life if he wants them to take him seriously.

    Instead, he does the adult thing and introduces them, and Lorelai does a pretty good job of emulating maturity.

    Until Nicole's cellphone rings. And then Lorelai throws a silent temper tantrum behind Nicole's turned back, pointing at the NO CELLPHONES sign and pointing at Nicole and making faces of abject horror, until Luke is forced to grab her wrists and subdue her, like she's a little kid.

    And while Luke is a strange mixture of amused and annoyed and embarassed at the time, later on, at the restaurant, he realizes what the cellphone thing was actually all about.

    Lorelai was jealous. Lorelai. Was jealous of Luke, having a date, with another woman.

    The hell?

    Really, he just can't win. But he figures it's time to stop living in the past.

***

    Luke hasn't seen Lorelai for six weeks.

    A new gourmet market opens up in town, right across the street, which amuses Luke to no end because it pisses off Taylor, who has been helpless to block it. From what Luke hears, the shop is the hobby of some Hartford millionaire's bored wife, and she had endless money and lawyers and Taylor finally had to give in.

    Luke decides to pay a visit to the market the Saturday after it opens, taking a break from the diner during the late afternoon lull. He's still been turning the chef idea over and over in his head, and he wonders if he might find some inspiration at the market, maybe try some new dishes at the diner.

    As he is rounding an aisle corner after looking at some overpriced pastas, he nearly collides with Lorelai, who gasps in startlement.

    "Oh, sorry!" Luke exclaims.

    "Sorry!" Lorelai exclaims.

    "No, I'm sorry," Luke insists.

    "No, really, it was my fault."
   
    And then there is the mother of all awkward silences. Luke laughs nervously.  "Well, that conversation sure went to a weird place fast," he says.
   
    "Don't worry, it left me behind too. I think it's in the Bahamas by now, having one of those tall fruity drinks by the pool."

    Lorelai is wearing her usual jeans, and a t-shirt that says "BLAH BLAH BLAH", and a long black coat. She looks tired, but pretty.

    Luke takes a deep breath and tries to force his heartrate down. "So, how have you been?" he asks.

    "Good," she says, and she does an impressive job of sounding sincere.

    "Lorelai--" Luke starts to say, not that he has any idea what he's going to say, but Lorelai interrupts him, looking down at the refrigerated case in front of them.

    "Look at this cheese," she says. "Creamy French Mountain Cheese. Twelve bucks a pound. How do you suppose they get cheese out of a mountain, Luke?"

    "I don't know," Luke says desperately, "But the process is probably reflected in the price. Look, Lorelai --"

    But she suddenly turns around and grabs his forearm, like she's trying to get his attention in a crowded room, but there's no one else around.

    "I'm really sorry Luke. I'm sorry I waited too long."

    She looks at him a split second longer, with the saddest expression, and then she is gone.

***

    He's done it again; for the third time in twenty minutes Nicole has asked him a question and he's failed to answer because he is so distracted thinking about his odd encounter earlier this afternoon, in the market with Lorelai.

    "Luke?" Nicole asks, and the faintest edge of impatience is starting to creep into her voice.

    "I'm sorry, Lorelai, I..."

    Oh, god. Surely this is not really happening. He didnotjust call her Lorelai. He winces. He sees from the look on Nicole's face that he did, in fact, call her Lorelai.

    Oh, god.

    "Oh, god. I'm sorry. She and I, we've just been having a little fight lately. It's no big deal.  We've been friends for a long time, you know."

    Nicole puts down her menu. "Yes," she says. "I know."

    "I just ran into her today, so she was on my mind. It's nothing."

    Nicole seems to consider this. "Do you know what being a lawyer really comes down to?" she asks, seemingly apropos of nothing.    

    "No, what?"

    "Watching people lie, all day long."

    She gives this a minute to sink in, and gathers up her purse, stands up from the table. She leans over and kisses him on the cheek. "Just decide, all right? And then let me know. I'm going to call myself a cab."

    And then she is gone.

***

CHAPTER FOUR

Luke drives home. He turns off the headlights and kills the engine, coasts to a stop, because he doesn't want to alert Jess if he's here, doesn't want to deal with questions. He just wants to sit downstairs in the darkened diner and think about Lorelai and Nicole and why women are allowed to make enigmatic statements and then just leave. He knows that, as a man, he would never be allowed to get away with that sort of thing. 

    He lets himself into the diner quietly, locks the door behind him. He goes and sits on the third step of the staircase, buries his face in his hands. He's just getting ready to start brooding in earnest when he hears something.

    Voices. Noises.  A gasp; a breathy sigh.  Stuff he really should not be hearing, floating down from upstairs, through the door that has been left partially open.

    Rory and Jess.

    Oh, god, thinks Luke, for what feels like, and probably is, the hundredth time today.

    And he's about to jump up and run up the stairs and interrupt something he really, truly does not want to see, but he's got no choice.

    Except he then hears Jess say, "Rory, I love you."

    And Luke is frozen. He can't do it. For one thing, it sounds like he's too late to do anything but embarrass all of them. For another, he doesn't want to mess up their moment.

    He knows there aren't enough moments like that in life.

    So he does the only thing he can do, which is let himself back out of the diner, and go for a walk.

***

    He tells himself he is not going to see Lorelai. Then he tells himself he is but only because he has to talk to her about Rory and Jess. Then he tells himself he should talk to Lorelai about other things anyway. Then he tells himself he's not going to her house, and that's final.

    He is still having this argument with himself as he walks up her front stairs.

    He can see there are lights on, and he hears a television, so hopefully she is up. He knocks on the door.

    After a moment, Lorelai answers the door. She is wearing sweatpants and a tank top, her hair in pigtails on either side of her head, and she is holding a pint of Godiva ice cream in one hand. She looks adorable, and the overall picture makes Luke think of a teenage slumber party. "Uh, hi..."

    "Oh, Luke! Hi!" she says. She follows his gaze to the ice cream. "Gotta love that gourmet market," she says, grinning. "I may have to move in there." She frowns. "Jury's still out on the mountain cheese, though."

    Luke hasn't quite figured out what he's going to say or why he is even here, so there's a moment of silence while he works on that, and she must see the look on his face, because she says "Ok then! So, I guess you're not here to discuss dairy products."

    "Uh, no."

    "Well, come on in. I'm watching The Music Man for the fifth time this month. I mean, it's not Hairspray, but you have to give AMC credit for consistency."

    So Luke follows her in. He can hear the musical in the background.

    "I spark, I fizz, for the lady who knows what time it is..."

    He follows Lorelai into the living room.

    "I cheer, I rave, for the virtue I'm too late to save..."

    "You want to sit down?" she asks.

    "The sadder but wiser girl for me..."

    And then Lorelai looks at Luke glaring at the television, and picks up the remote and shuts it off. "Ok, I guess this isn't a Professor Harold Hill moment."

    He sits down on the couch with a sigh. He remembers the last time he was on this couch. He rubs his eyes. And suddenly, he has to laugh about it all.

    Lorelai sits down in a chair on the opposite side of the coffee table. "Ok," she says finally, "This whole mysterious laughter thing is intriguing, but you know my attention span isn't going to win any world records so just spill it."

    "Sorry," he says, "It's so hard to pick just one topic." He decides to go with the most pressing matter. "I came home early tonight, and, well, I almost walked in on Rory and Jess."

    "Almost? Walked in on what?"

    "I... heard them."

    "Ah." Lorelai says.

    "I'm sorry," he says. "I just couldn't, ah, interrupt them. If you want we can go back there now and talk to them."

    Lorelai looks shocked and a little angry, but not as much as he would have thought.

    "What stopped you?" she asks.

    Luke thinks about it, decides to tell her the truth. "I, uh, heard Jess tell Rory he loved her."

    Lorelai cocks her head to one side. "Well, did he sound like he meant it, or like he was just trying to get her to take her shirt off?"

    Luke just looks at her.

    "Ok," she says. "I get it."

    She stands up and paces around the room. "Well, this isn't a huge surprise. I think they usually hang out over there on Saturday nights. When you're with Nicole." She pronounces the last word carefully, like it might be booby-trapped and she doesn't want to get too close to it.

    "You mean you knew they were there? Alone?    

    "Rory and I have talked about it a couple of times." She makes air-quotes around the word 'it'.

    "It?"
   
    "You know...It."

    "Oh. It. Right. Got it."

    "So yeah, I knew this was coming. Sort of. And if they're not being safe about it, between the two of them and their oversized brains and me as the shining example of not being safe, then there's probably nothing anyone could have done to make it otherwise."

    "You seem awfully calm, though. A couple of months ago you were nervous about them making out in the middle of the afternoon with me right downstairs."

    "I think," she says, "That it's out of our hands now. All we can do is be there for them and hope for the best. Rory's graduating in a few months, and she's going to be eighteen, and after a point there's a fine line between prudent chaperonage and being Mama Kim, Stalker Mom."

    "So you've already thought this through."

    "For about seventeen and a half years, yeah." She smiles at him. 

    Luke sighs. "So you're all right, then?"

    "As all right as I can be, given the circumstances..."

    Her smile fades, and Luke can tell that somewhere around the middle of the sentence she has stopped talking about Rory and Jess. She glances at the floor, twirls a lock of her hair around one of her fingers. Luke knows it's a nervous habit of hers, but it draws his eyes to her neck, and the bare skin of her shoulders and arms.  

    "Listen, Lorelai--"

    "I heard you were shopping for engagement rings," she blurts out.

    "Oh jeez. I really hate this town sometimes."

    "You couldn't have known that Kirk would be working there. Well, on second thought, maybe you should have."

    "I was just looking," he sighs.

    "It's none of my business anyway," she says, and fiddles with some pictures on the mantelpiece.

    "Lorelai, listen--"

    "I meant what I said earlier today," she says. "I'm sorry. About all of it. It's all my fault. Everything you said was true. And I'd been drinking that night, when you came over, and I just thought I'd dive right in--" she laughs "--and you'd think I'd know by now that that never works out, and, oh god, I miss you, and I miss the diner, and I'm so sorry--"

    And now she's crying and she's still standing at the mantelpiece, and she's knocked over one of the pictures and she's trying to right it, but it keeps falling over. And so Luke gets up and goes over to her and takes the picture away from her and puts it down, and grabs her hands and holds them gently in his own. She looks at him with frightened, teary eyes.  She continues: "I'm sorry, I wasn't going to lay all this on you, I--"

    "Lorelai--"

    "It's just, seeing you again, and --"

    "Lorelai!" Luke finally yells, "Are you ever going to be quiet and let me apologize, too?"

    She laughs a little, and wipes her eyes. "I should have just written a letter, huh?"

    But he ignores the question because he's never going to get through this if he lets her sidetrack him. "I'm sorry too, all right? It's not all your fault. I had no right to say some of that stuff. True or not. Ok? I'm sorry." He squeezes her hands a little on the last word, and he notices for the first time how cold they are; and he'd like to hold them forever, or at least until they warm up, and he pushes the thought out of his mind guiltily.

    "Ok," she says.    

    And just when he thinks she's calming down, damned if she doesn't start up again.

    "So do you think we're still going to be able to be friends after all this?" she asks. "I mean, I don't want to get in between you and Nicole, and I'm sorry I acted before like you should just kick her to the curb. It was really immature, I mean, not that I'm the queen of maturity, but I have my moments. And...  I think you of all people deserve to be happy." And Luke sees the tears starting to well up in her blue eyes again, but she goes on. "So, I can just stay out of the way, like I have been. I mean, I'll understand if you just want me and my melodramatic tendencies out of your life for now."

    And the first tear spills out and slips down her cheek, and she takes a big breath to start the next sentence, and so Luke is forced to let go of her hands and grab her by one shoulder and the side of her neck and kiss her, a little roughly, because how else is he ever going to get her to shut up?

    He really has no choice. Anyone would agree.

    She tenses up for a split second, and then she goes all soft and relaxes, tilts her head a little to the side and opens her mouth to his, slides her arms up around his neck. She smells like baby powder. He lowers his hands to her waist to pull her closer, and his fingers inadvertently brush the bare skin between her tank top and her sweats, and she moans a tiny little moan, and so he kisses her harder. Meanwhile she's got got one hand on the back of his head now, fingers ruffling his hair, and she's running the palm of her other hand over his bicep and shoulder and upper chest, feeling the cotton of his button-down date-night shirt.

    And then, evidently, sanity reasserts itself because they both pull away at the same time.

    "Oh, god, Luke," Lorelai says, breathily, looking a little panicked. "I'm --"

    "Stop," he says, still trying to catch his breath too, " I don't want to hear the words 'I'm sorry' again tonight, all right? That was all me. Well, maybe not all me, but I'm officially taking responsibility for that one."

    "But, what about Nicole?"

    Luke sighs and lets go of Lorelai's hand (he didn't realize until now they were holding hands), and sits down on the couch.  He runs a hand back through his hair; it still feels weird not to have the baseball cap on.

    "Well," he says finally, "I guess I have some stuff to think about." Although, all he can really think about right now is the way Lorelai's body felt pressed up against his, and the way their lips fit together, and the way she breathed, and...

    But Lorelai seems to take the statement for what it is; doesn't look happy, no, but doesn't protest. "All right," she says. "I understand."

    "Listen," he says. "I really miss seeing you in the diner."

    "I miss being there," Lorelai says, and she smiles a little.

    "Why don't you come in tomorrow morning? Breakfast on the house."

    She looks dubious.

    "Blueberry pancakes?" he offers.

    "You're an evil, evil man and you're going to come to a bad end someday."

    "Yeah, yeah. So you'll be there?"

    "I'll be there."

    "Great. I need to go now, you know, get my head on straight. When Jess gets here with Rory, try not to break any of his bones or do any permanent damage, all right?"

    "I promise, cuts and mild abrasions only."

    "Lorelai," he says, because he cannot stop himself, "It'll all be all right."

    "I don't believe you," she says, and pouts a little. 

    "Yeah well. Gotta take what you can get," he says as he walks to the front door.

    And then he leaves. And he goes to a payphone to call Nicole.  The same payphone, in fact, that he called Nicole from on that last disastrous night with Lorelai.

    She answers on the first ring. "Nicole? It's Luke. I need to come over, so we can talk."

***

CHAPTER FIVE

Luke approaches Nicole's front door. He's got no idea what he's going to say, which is a state he's finding himself in a lot lately. He knocks.

    She opens the door. She is still wearing her dress from the restaurant. "Hi," she says.

    "Hey," Luke says. He is suddenly quite nervous.

    She looks at him a moment, looks sad. "I guess you've decided then?"

    "What? Wait, I haven't even said anything yet."

    "It hasn't been hard to figure out, ever since the first time I heard you say her name." She sighs. "Well, come in anyway."

    Luke follows her in, and they sit in her living room. Nicole just looks at him, waiting.

    So Luke asks the first question on his mind. "If you saw something there - between me and Lorelai - Why didn't you saysomething,or smack me?"

    "I thought your sense of self-preservation would kick in and you'd get over her. She seems a little high-maintenance." Nicole smiles.

    "You have no idea," Luke says, smiling also.

    Then he tells Nicole all about the theory he's been pondering lately, that maybe real relationships are supposed to be calm and uneventful, not full of sparks and passion and ups and down and craziness.

    "God," she says, grinning. "That's a depressing thought."

    Luke shrugs. "Well, I'm hardly an expert on this stuff." he says, "I'm just not sure what I should do here."

    "Yes, you are. Do you love me?" she asks, and Luke suddenly pictures her taking a deposition: Mr. Danes, did you loveour client, or were you just killing time?

    Luke looks at the carpet. He can't answer. He doesn't want to hurt her. He's never been the one in this position before, never understood just how difficult it is.

    "Right," she says, as though he did answer. "Do you love Lorelai?"

    He can't answer that one either.

    Nicole sighs. I like you a lot, Luke. But you're obviously not ready for a mature, adult relationship."

    "Huh?" he says, startled. "What are you --"

    "Gotcha," she says, smirking at him.  "I do have a sense of humor, you know, it's just rusty."

    Luke laughs a little, and then sighs again. "I am reallysorry, Nicole. I didn't know it would go down like this. I don't know what I'm doing. I just wish there was some way for everyone to be happy."

    "I think it only works that way in movies."

    "Not the movies you watch," he says, smiling at her. 

    "Hated all of them, didn't you?" she asks, smiling back, a real smile. "I think that's when I really knew it wasn't going to work out."

    "So, this is it?" Luke asks. "This is us not working out? Because you seem to be a couple of steps ahead of me."

    "Well, as tempting as it would be to twist the guilt knife a little, I'm thinking I'll just have to let you off easy on this one."

    "Why?"

    "Because I'm not ready to give up on sparks yet either." She smiles again, and Luke understands the unspoken bit: And I didn't get them with you.

    "You know," he says, trying to give her a last chance to tell him he's being an idiot, "It's not like I'm just leaving here and running straight to her."  It's true. He doesn't know for sure how things are going to play out with Lorelai. The possibilities are a little frightening. "It's not like anything has, uh, happened between us."

    "I know.  But it's all about the potential, isn't it?

    "Yeah."

    And then they chat a bit more, and they make half-sincere promises to keep in touch, and they hug for a moment before Luke leaves.

    And he drives home, and he is sad and elated and confused, and it's too many things to feel at one time so he just turns on some loud rock radio station and tries not to think of any of it at all.  It sort of works, but nothing is able entirely to push the memories of kissing Lorelai from his mind.

***

    It's Sunday morning, so Luke doesn't expect Lorelai in until later.  He knows she sleeps in on Sundays.  So he is shocked to see her and Rory come in at 8:53 a.m. The diner is still pretty empty; the church crowd won't be here for hours. Rory looks happy; Lorelai looks happy and nervous and her face is a little flushed. Spring is starting to kick in, and she's wearing a pale blue flowery dress that brings out her eyes. They take one of their usual window tables, and Luke heads over with coffee and two mugs.

    "Morning, ladies."

    "Hi Luke!" says Rory, and it's the most cheery he's seen her in a long time.  He wonders if it's because she's happy to have things back to normal with Luke and Lorelai, or if it has more to do with whatever happened with Jess last night.

    "Hi," Lorelai says, and grins at him. Their eyes lock for a moment; Luke feels an unexpected rush of desire. He smiles back,  and begins to pour their coffee.

    "Whoa there," says Lorelai, when Luke has filled her massive cup a third of the way, and then she mumbles something else. Luke stops pouring.
   
    "What was that?" he asks.

    "I, uh, quit drinking coffee for a while," she says.  "I need to start off slow."

    "Yeah right, and Michael Jackson quit having plastic surgery."

    "It's true," Rory pipes up. "She did."

    Luke looks back and forth from Rory to Lorelai. "How long have you gone without it?" he asks.

    "Oh, about a month and a half," says Lorelai, smiling again.

    Luke is so shocked by this he actually asks her if she wants him to bring her decaf instead.

    "Rory, tell the crazy man that we don't appreciate his little jokes."

    "Ok, ok," says Luke.  "So what can I get you to eat?"

    "I'm pretty sure I was offered complimentary blueberry pancakes," Lorelai says.

    "Really, by whom?"

    "Rory, tell the crazy man that he doesn't want to mess with me since I'm about to drink my first real coffee in weeks."

    "Ok, I'm totally not getting involved in disputes between crazy people," says Rory.  "But I'd like blueberry pancakes too, and I'm willing to pay for mine. And bacon, please."

    "Do you want bacon, too?" he asks Lorelai.  "I warn you, your interpreter seems to be shirking her responsibilities, so you might have to temporarily overlook the fact that I offered you decaf and address me directly."

    Lorelai sighs dramatically. "Just this once. Bacon would be lovely. And extra blueberries. Ooh, and a big glass of milk, but only if it's cold."

    "Why wouldn't it be cold?"

    "Maybe someone left it out on the counter overnight."

    "This is a restaurant, not your kitchen."

    Lorelai looks at Rory. "What is this "kitchen" the crazy man speaks of?"

    "It's that room," Rory says vaguely. "You know."

    Luke leaves them then as they continue to chatter and he goes into the kitchen and cooks their pancakes himself.

    So they eat their blueberry pancakes while complimenting Luke and making noises that border on indecent.  And towards the end Luke hears them arguing over who is going to have leftover pancakes and should therefore have to share, so he makes up an extra order and brings them out and sets them down between them while they're still mid-bicker.

    They both literally gasp at the new stack of pancakes in front of them, then look up at Luke in reverence.

    "Rory, tell the crazy man that he is my hero."

    "You tell him, I'm busy dividing these into fair and equitable portions."

    "Define equitable."

    And they're off again. Luke goes off to wait on other customers. After a while he sees Rory go upstairs, most likely to wake up Jess.

    So he goes to Lorelai's table and sits down, and before she can start talking, he says:  "So. Saturday night."

    "I'm familiar with it. Traditionally before Sunday, but after Friday."

    "Right. Next Saturday night, specifically. Are you busy?"

    "Well, I did have Jude Law pencilled in. We were just going to hang, though, have a few beers. He needs someone to talk to right now. But I can probably reschedule. Why?"
   
    "I was thinking we could have dinner."

    Lorelai looks surprised. "We? As in, you and me and Nicole?" she asks, and he can see that she's not being snide; she's just trying not to make any assumptions. He's kind of touched by the amount of self-control she's exhibiting.

    "We as in you and me. You and I. Whatever."

    "And Nicole is all right with this?" Still the sincere, concerned tone.

    "The Luke and Nicole Show was cancelled on account of low ratings," he says.

    Lorelai is obviously struggling with how to react. She settles on, "I'm sorry."

    "Don't be. Just tell me whether you're free on Saturday night to have dinner with me."

    "Shouldn't  I play hard to get for a while first?"

    "Five years wasn't long enough?"

    "Ouch! Did I mention recently that you're an evil, evil man?"

    "You did. Saturday night?" he asks again.

    And then she smiles at him, and her face lights up and she is suddenly the same beautiful young woman who called him Duke for two years just to get him to wake up.  

    "What time?" she asks.

***

CHAPTER SIX

Sunday night, upstairs, Jess says: "So, I hear you have a date with Lorelai."

    Luke smiles. "Yeah. Got something to say about it?"

    "Nope, just asking. Congratulations. Glad you finally did it."

    "Thanks."

    "Uh huh. So, where are you taking her?"

    Oh, hell. Luke stops folding his laundry, stares off into space.

    "Don't tell me you haven't even thought about it yet?" Jess smirks.

    Luke hasn't. He didn't even know for sure he was going to ask her until just before the words came out of his mouth.

    He looks at Jess. "Uh, well..."

    "Good luck with that," says Jess, and goes back to his book.

***

    The week leading up to Luke and Lorelai's first date is a good sort of weird.

    Specifically, things are weird whenever Lorelai comes into the diner. They don't seem quite sure how to act around each other. There is a sense of newness to the whole thing, like they've just met. Sure, they have known each other for a number of years; but they also have spent nearly the last two months apart -- aside from the small matter of a couple of tension-fraught kisses.

    She comes in first thing Monday morning, alone, and walks up to the counter and sits.

    "Hi," he says, when he sees her,  feeling his pulse pick up a little

    "Hi," Lorelai says.

    There is an awkward silence. "Well, glad we got that out of the way," she says. "Can I have some coffee?"

    Luke realizes he has just been standing there staring at her, because after her long absence from the diner he's still adjusting to the idea that she's really there. "Oh, uh, yeah, of course."

    They chat for a moment, and then he goes to wait on some other customers. When he comes back she says "I missed you," which catches him off-guard and he says "I missed you too," simply and sincerely, without really thinking about it.

    Lorelai looks at him a little oddly.

    "Oh," he says. "You mean just then while I was gone for five minutes."

    "Yeah," says Lorelai.

    "So you were joking."

    "Yeah," she says. "But you can take it as one of those jokes people make in order to thinly disguise the truth." And while Luke is still thinking that over, she finishes her coffee and says, "Have to get to work now. See you later." She smiles and is gone.

***

    In addition to the other weirdness, there is this bizarre clothes thing happening. Luke doesn't even notice he's doing it at first; but by Wednesday he is suspiciously clean-shaven and the flannels have been replaced by denim workshirts. By Thursday the baseball cap is gone. Somehow it just happens.

    And he is hardly the only one; every single day Lorelai has on an outfit he's never seen before.  And if it isn't a long slit skirt with strappy high heels, then it's a glimpse of bare midriff or a top cut so low that Luke is in serious danger of injuring himself through distraction. And there are none of her usual running-late, rumpled, makeupless mornings; and she's always got a hint of perfume about her; and her hair is always down, long and glossy; and she's always smiling at him and accidentally brushing his hand or his arm with her own, and what is this all about?

    They're both nervous and awkward and stuttering and flirting, that's what. Flirting to the point that Rory rolls her eyes and gets up and leaves on more than one occasion. "Because, ewww?" she says.

    But it is not Luke's fault;  Lorelai is doing all this body-language stuff, stuff Luke never really noticed before. She leans over the counter seductively. She traces circles with a fingertip around the rim of her coffee cup seductively. She smiles and she stretches out her long legs and twirls her hair around her fingers seductively. She eats her donuts seductively.

    Ok, maybe Luke is projecting a little, but still, he could sit and watch her eat those damned donuts all day. He can't keep his eyes off her, and he has to stop himself from pulling her into the storeroom whenever she comes in alone and sits at the counter and leans over in her low-cut top and looks at him with... that look.

    It makes him realize just how tame his repertoire of Lorelai fantasies over the years has been.

    And there is the matter of the date, overshadowing the whole thing. I am going on a date with Lorelai, thinks Luke two, three thousand times a day.

    It takes him most of the week to figure out where to take her. This would be such an easy thing to mess up. Obviously, anything even remotely resembling fishing is out. He could take her to a fancy, expensive restaurant, but he knows that Lorelai has had plenty of fancy and expensive in her life, and all it would do is make them both nervous and uncomfortable.

    He considers cooking her dinner at her place. He's got a couple of pretty good recipes down now that are too complicated for the diner. But he's also been cooking for her for years, so the novelty is sort of gone. And, (he can't quite keep himself from hoping), there's plenty of time for romantic candlelit dinners in the future.

    He could do something corny like pack a picnic and go to a park, but he can't get out of the diner until late afternoon at the earliest and it's getting warm enough for bugs. Plus it's, well, corny.

    But he finally comes up with a plan. 

    It's not perfect, but it's a plan.

***    

    Friday afternoon, Lorelai comes in for coffee before her weekly parental dinner.

    "So, we still on for tomorrow?" she asks.

    Luke smiles at her. Smiling at Lorelai is starting to feel natural. "Unless you've changed your mind."

    "It was touch and go there for a while, but Jude's going to try to manage without me."

    "Good to hear."

    "You haven't told me where we're going or anything. What should I wear?"

    "Comfortable shoes."

    "Huh? We're not doing something outdoorsy, are we?"

    "I said comfortable shoes, not hiking boots."

    She looks relieved. "Ok! No six-inch heels, check." But then she licks her lips and leans over. Damn her. "Is that all I should wear, or should I toss in a raincoat?"

    Luke starts to drift, has to push the visual out of his mind. He clears his throat, ignores her question. "Casual is fine.  Also, I think we should take your Jeep. I know my truck's a chick magnet and all, but it's kind of rough for a ride all the way to Hartford."

    "Excuse me? Hartford? We're going to Hartford? Did Emily put you up to this?"

    "Yes, your mother and I chat all the time. We thought we'd get the whole awkward first-dinner-with-the-parents thing out of the way up front," Luke stops rearranging the muffin display, pauses as if in thought. "You know, she was a little worried that you wouldn't want to go there two nights in a row, but I assured her that you always tell me how much you enjoy your Friday night dinners with them."

    Lorelai stares at him, horrified.

    After a moment, Luke says "Uh, all that? Was a joke."

    "Don't do that!" shrieks Lorelai. "My life just flashed before my eyes. Oh, wait, that was your life, because I was going to kill you with your own muffin-tong-thingies. What the hell are those called anyway?"

    "I see you're back in full caffeine addiction."

    "Speaking of which, refill please."

    Miss Patty comes in at that moment, and walks up to the counter next to them. "Luke! Lorelai! How are you, darlings? It's so nice to see you kids getting along again."

    "Yes," says Lorelai, "Luke finally realized he couldn't live without seeing me here in the diner, and he begged me to come back. I was reluctant, but I decided that it would be cruel of me to deny him such a simple request."

    Luke glares at her. She smiles at him. His glare melts.

    "In fact," says Miss Patty, as though she hasn't really been listening, "I don't think I've ever seen you two getting along so well."

    "Lorelai finally started taking her medication," says Luke, which earns him a glare in return from Lorelai. He grins at her, but she gives him a You'll pay for that later look.

    "You two are really adorable," says Miss Patty.

    "Ain't we just," says Lorelai, and she smiles her real smile at Luke.

    Luke smiles back.

    Really, his face is starting to hurt from all the smiling. And he doesn't care.

***

    Saturday afternoon, Luke has showered, and shaved (it's getting to be habitual), but he's having a hard time deciding what to wear. He doesn't want to wear any of his diner clothes, but he doesn't want to go all out with the stuff he used to wear for his more upscale dates with Nicole. He compromises with newish jeans and a long-sleeved dress shirt of dark blue cotton. He tosses his black leather jacket over one arm in case the temperature drops.

    He drives to Lorelai's house, and then the nervousness really kicks in. He didn't feel this way before his first date with Nicole; he's pretty sure he hasn't felt like this since high school. This is absurd; he's known Lorelai for years, but there it is. He's fidgety and his stomach feels unmoored, like it's going to just float away. He taps the steering wheel with his fingers as he drives, listens to the radio. None of it helps.

    The nervousness hits a peak when he has to do the walk to her front door. But then it's over and Rory has answered the door. "Hey Luke!" she says. "You look nice. Mom's almost ready, but you know how that goes."

    "I can only imagine," Luke says. "So, are you and Jess hanging out tonight?"

    "Yeah," she says. "I think we'll go see a movie or something." She looks a little sad. "We're sort of trying to spend as much time together as possible, before... you know..."

    "Before graduation, and your trip to Europe, and college and all that?"

    "Exactly."  She smiles in a brittle way. He can see she really doesn't want to talk about it.  "So, I can't believe you and Mom are finally going on a date!"

    "Finally?"

    "Well, you know... Everyone thought this would happen a lot sooner."

    "I guess your mother and I are just a little slow-witted sometimes."

    "Speak for yourself!" says Lorelai, coming down the stairs. Then she stops when she sees Luke. "Oh god," she says.

    "What?" Luke asks. But then he sees it too. She's wearing jeans and a dark blue cotton long-sleeved shirt, a black jacket draped over her arm. Granted, her jeans are a lot tighter than his, and her shirt is low-cut and long and tailored and girly, with carved black buttons and black stitching on the collar, but the shade of blue is almost the same as Luke's.

    "This," says Rory, "Is the cutest thing I've ever seen in my entire life." She looks thoughtful. "I guess cotton really is the fabric of our lives."

    "Oh, god," repeats Lorelai. Luke smiles.

    Rory is giggling now, and says "Wait, let me get the camera!"

    "Don't you dare," says Lorelai. "I should go change."

    "Why?" ask Rory and Luke at the same time.

    "Because, hello, twins?"

    "You look great," says Luke. And she does. Her hair is done up in ringlets, and her face is glowing but not obviously made up. She's wearing a choker-type necklace with black stones that sort of match the buttons of the shirt.

    "It's fine," says Rory. "No one's gonna notice who isn't us."

    "You sure?" she asks.

    "Positive."

    "All right." Lorelai turns her attention to Luke. "You do look nice," she says, smiling. "Very nice."

    "Thank you. Ready?"

***

They make painful, nervous small talk during the drive, stuff that is so pointless Luke can barely remember it five minutes later. They chat about the weather. They chat about the diner. They chat about the Inn.

    Finally, as they get into Hartford proper and are stopped at a red light, Lorelai says, "That's it, I can't take this nervous chatter thing any more, this is exhausting. And this is me talking. We need alcohol, stat. Where are you taking me?"

    Luke points at the sign on the other side of the intersection: HARTFORD MILLS MALL. Underneath it hangs a banner that reads: GRAND OPENING.

    Lorelai looks at the sign, gasps; looks at Luke, looks back at the sign.

    Then she turns to Luke and says: "Did I ever tell you you're my hero?"

***

CHAPTER SEVEN

They stand at the mall directory, looking at the restaurant listings. "Ok," says Luke. "It looks like our restaurant choices are Ruby Tuesday or the Cheesecake Factory. But I'll understand if you're overwhelmed by the lure of the food court."

    "You know, in some cultures, Chick-Fil-A is the word for God."

    "I'll keep that in mind."

    "Well, we probably can't get alcohol at the food court, so that's out. And since only one of these restaurants is named after a dessert, I think we know which one has my vote."

    So they go to the Cheesecake Factory, and it's still early enough that they have beaten the dinner rush. They are whisked to their table by the frighteningly efficient, black-clad wait staff, who all seem to have walkie-talkie headsets dangling from their ears.

    "So, you think this place is actually part of the Secret Service, or a separate government agency unto itself?" asks Lorelai.

    "I'm voting Borg," Luke says. "Because, you know, the electronics attached to their heads and all."

    "Right! And you do have that Star Trek problem."

    "Shut up. What do you want to drink?"

    "Well, the nervousness rating is still at DefCon One, so I think I'll start with a Long Island Iced Tea." She giggles. "Did you hear that? DefCon One - I made a spooky government agency joke."

    "Do me a favor and act like you don't know me when they come to take you away."

    When their waitress comes, Luke orders Lorelai's drink and a beer for himself. Only after half of Luke's beer and one-third of Lorelai's drink disappear do they finally begin to relax.

    "I can't believe we're really here," Lorelai says abruptly, after more small talk.

    "At the mall?"

    "No, silly, on a date. You and me. Isn't it kind of weird? After all this time?"

    Luke thinks about it; he thinks about giving a noncommittal answer. But the beer is buzzing around in his head, and so he tells her the truth.

    "I think it's weird that it took so long," he says, and smiles at her so it doesn't sound like an accusation. "But yeah, I know what you mean."

    "Here's the spotlight, now dance."

    "Exactly." And then Luke asks a question that's been nagging at him: "Did you really quit drinking coffee all that time?"

    "Sadly, it is true."

    "Why?" This is the one he really can't figure.

    Lorelai looks like she's thinking about it for the first time. "I guess, because...  I wanted to prove that I could live without it."

    Luke realizes that she also means without you. "How did that work out?" he asks softly.

    "I can honestly say that, other than the stretch of time right before I told my parents I was pregnant, it was the worst six weeks of my entire life."

    "I'm sorry," he says.

    "So am I," she says, and they have this silent moment that is much more honest than their flurry of apologies at Lorelai's house a week ago, and just when Luke is thinking that he might reach out across the table and hold her hand, they are interrupted by their waitress.

    "Are you all ready to order?"

    "Um," says Luke.

    "We sort of forgot to look at the menu," says Lorelai.

    "No problem, I'll get you another round of drinks."

    And so the moment is over; they look at their menus.

***

They chat over dinner; and since they've had two drinks each they're pretty relaxed; and while they're waiting for dessert, Lorelai says "By the way. Not that I'm even in the least bit complaining? But I thought you were morally opposed to malls."

    "I am. I'm making an exception. Don't get used to it."

    "Does that mean we get to actually go out into the rest of the mall so I can show you all the cool stuff that you'll probably never see again? You don't have to buy me anything and I promise I won't make you stand there while I try on clothes." Her face is all lit up and she's clearly excited. "Come on, it'll be great."

    Luke feigns indecision, even though this was pretty much his plan all along. "I suppose," he says. "But what if I want you try on clothes for me?"

    Lorelai gasps. "Why, Mr. Danes, are you suggesting that I go into, say, bebe, and try on a hundred-dollar dress that I have no intention of buying and parade around in it for you?"

    "Well, I wasn't specifically, no, but now that you mention it..."

    And then the waitress comes and sets down a huge slice of chocolate mousse cheesecake in front of Lorelai, and she gasps again and actually makes a little squeaking noise in delight. The waitress looks amused and sets down Luke's key lime pie.

    "Mmmm," says Lorelai, taking a huge forkful of cheesecake and whipped cream and inhaling it. "Best date ever."

    Luke watches her eat for a few minutes and then remembers his own dessert.

***

   Luke pays the check and they get up from their booth. On the way out of the restaurant, Lorelai stops at the to-go counter and buys another slice of cheesecake.

    "For Rory?" Luke asks as they leave the restaurant and exit into the rest of the mall.

    Lorelai laughs. "You're funny."

    "What?"

    "This is for me to eat an hour from now in the food court, as I gloat at the people who are stuck with Sbarro."

    Luke looks at her.

    "What? I'll get Rory a piece when we're leaving, so it stays cold."

    "There's something wrong with you, you know this, right?"

    "Be that as it may, I hope you don't think I'm sharing."

    "Thank god for small favors."

    And then Lorelai takes him on a walking tour of the alleged "cool" spots in the mall.

    "How do you know all this?" he asks as Lorelai explains the hidden significance of the Discovery Channel Store. "I thought this place was brand new."

    "Oh, all malls are pretty much the same. Although the West Farms mall doesn't have a Cheesecake Factory, so your instincts were dead on. Ooh, the Nature Company!" Lorelai leads him into the little store.

    "Do you realize how ridiculous this is?" Luke asks. "Coming into a huge concrete shopping mall just to shop at a corporate retail outlet that specializes in selling you "nature", instead of just freakin' going outside?"

    "Yes, dear," says Lorelai, patting his arm. "Try not to frighten the other customers."

    They wander around, looking. Luke has to admit, some of the stuff is pretty cool, like the big telescopes in the back and the fossils that you can evidently purchase for your own home enjoyment. And the nature "music" is sort of relaxing. Luke has always liked the sound of rain.

    He's still looking at the telescopes when Lorelai comes over to him a few minutes later and says "Hey, anti-capitalism boy, I bought you something!" She is grinning hugely and her eyes are shining, and Luke is reminded of the time he came into the diner one morning to find she had broken in and repainted it.

    She takes his left hand and spreads open his palm, and places a small, silvery-black stone in the center of it.

    "It's um, some kind of stone that I can't remember the name of--" she begins.

    "Hematite," Luke offers.

    "Right! See, I kept thinking "hermaphrodite" and I knew that was all wrong. Well, anyway, it's for you, as a reminder of our first date."

    "You bought me a rock?" he asks, stupidly, because he's actually rather overwhelmed and he can't think of anything else to say.

    Lorelai sighs. "It's supposed to be an emotionally symbolic gift, Luke. You know, something you carry around in your pocket for years and put on your nightstand next to your wallet every night, and..."

    Luke is still rolling the smooth stone around in his palm, and when he looks up he realizes that Lorelai looks crushed, that's he's screwed it up.

    "Sorry," he says quickly. "No one's ever really given me anything like this. I don't know what to say." On impulse, he leans in and kisses her.

    And so their third kiss ever is a soft, lingering kiss in the middle of a mall, and the touch of her lips makes weird tingles go up and down Luke's skin. After a moment he breaks the kiss and says "Thank you," looking down at the stone again.

    She smiles at him. "Better."

    As they leave the store, Luke pockets the hematite; takes Lorelai's hand and laces his fingers with hers.

***

    Lorelai has shown Luke a bunch of stores, eaten her second slice of cheesecake and had an Orange Julius and two bottles of water, and bought another piece of cheesecake for Rory. Now they're in a store called Sanrio, where Lorelai is explaining the traits of the rest of the Hello Kitty characters. Luke didn't even know there were other characters besides Hello Kitty.

    "See, Badtz-Maru is the rebel of the whole group," Lorelai says. "He's got a bad attitude." She looks thoughtful. "Kind of like the Jess of the Hello Kitty universe."

    "You're hysterical. What is it supposed to be, anyway? A crow?"

    Lorelai looks shocked. "He is a penguin, Luke. You know, Badtz-Maru could kill you for saying such a thing."  She shakes a stuffed Badtz-Maru at him threateningly.

    "Right. What's this seal character?"

    "Hana-Maru. That's Badtz-Maru's girlfriend."

    "Uh-huh."  Luke can't believe it, but he's actually getting into this. He wonders, as he has many times over the years, how it is that Lorelai has the power to make anything seem interesting.
   
    Lorelai buys some Badtz-Maru pencils ("For Rory," she insists), and they're on their way, holding hands again.

    Lorelai spots the next store before Luke does, suddenly shoves her packages and her purse into Luke's hands, says "Guess what time it is!" and runs off. Luke looks up at the sign: bebe

    "Wait, Lorelai, I was just kidding about that..."

    He sighs and follows her.

    Inside the store, a saleswoman takes pity on Luke and shows him to some chairs near the dressing rooms. Luke piles Lorelai's stuff onto an empty chair, and sits down and just relaxes for a few minutes.

    So far things are going pretty well. Lorelai seems to be having a good time, which is causing Luke to have a good time; even if he is getting a little tired of talking and faintly wishes they could be alone so could just show her how he feels. But he guesses this is part of the whole point of dating; the anticipation of whatever comes at the end of the night.
   
    And the whole "end of the night" thing is an interesting, scary subject to ponder. Luke is not inexperienced; sleeping with Nicole was fairly by-the-book, but Rachel was wild. And instructive. But for all the years he's been aching for Lorelai, he never really let himself go too far in thinking of her in a sexual way. It didn't seem right, somehow. He's a man, sure, and he's got the standard urges which he takes care of in the standard way; and sometimes he thinks of her, at the end. Never anything explicit.  But he's also, somehow, always had a very basic gut-level awareness that Lorelai is probably as gregarious and enthusiatic about sex as she is about everything else. He can just tell, by her body language and her confidence; and the way she eats; and the way she used to hug him, or touch him to get his attention, a long time ago before things got weird between them. And she's spent the week torturing him with it, with the clothes and the looks and it's pretty much pushed him over the edge into thinking of her in, well, that way. Frequently. Years of emotional tension have been replaced by a near-tangible physical tension.

    Well, at least it's a hell of a lot less angst-ridden.

    And then he's just drifting, not thinking about much, when he hears Lorelai say, "Hi, honey," in a voice that should charge by the minute. "Don't you think this would be perfect for our cruise to Barbados?"

    Luke sits up and gets a good look: Lorelai has emerged from a dressing room in the shortest little black dress he's ever seen her wear, and she's got on these black sandals with laces criss-crossing up her ankles, and the net effect is to make her legs seem about eight miles long. The dress only has thin straps and she's still wearing her black stone choker, and all that sets off the luminescent skin of her arms and shoulders. 

    As a couple of salespeople look on, she walks around in front of him a few times like she's walking a catwalk, then she comes and leans over him so they're face-to-face, incidentally giving him a pretty nice view, and winks at him and says "Well? What do you think?"

    Luke's mouth has gone dry and he has to swallow a few times before he can come up with an intelligent response, which is, "Um."

***

    "Luke," Lorelai is saying. "I know it was on clearance and all, but you didn't have to buy me the dress."

    "I know."

    "I wasn't trying to get you to buy me anything. I was just being, y'know, me."

    "I know."

    "Where are we going?" she asks, as Luke leads her by the hand down one of the side corridors of the mall.

    They pass some restrooms and payphones and such until Luke sees what he's looking for. He points to the ELEVATOR sign.

    "Here," he says.

   Her eyes are wide. She's playing innocent. "Am I in trouble?"

    "Yes."

    It takes forever for the elevator door to open. Empty. They go inside and Luke jabs the CLOSE DOOR button, takes Lorelai's bags from her and drops them on the ground.

    Then he takes her by the shoulders, and looks into her eyes for a second before he moves her up against the stainless steel elevator wall and kisses her. She doesn't even pretend to be surprised, no; she's clearly seen this coming and she meets him halfway, parting her lips and wrapping her arms around him and dragging her nails across his back. She makes small Mmmm noises as they kiss.

    Lorelai may not be surprised; but somewhere in the cognizant corners of his mind, Luke is.  He's not sure when he became the type of person who would do this kind of thing.  But there's really no time to think about this right now, because Lorelai has just bitten his lower lip lightly and dug her nails in harder, and the combination of pleasure and mild pain pretty much wipes out any linear thought he had left.

    And she's still making those little noises.
    After a few minutes, the elevator starts moving; someone must have called it from the other floor. So they separate, reluctantly; gather up the packages, smooth out their clothes. Try to catch their breath. Lorelai's face looks flushed, the way Luke's feels. The elevator stops and the door opens on a couple of women with strollers; Luke and Lorelai make their way out. Luke's heart is still pounding.

    "Well," says Lorelai. "I think the mall has outlived its amusement factor. It put up a good fight, though."

    "The competition was too stiff," he says, and then winces.

    "I noticed." She smiles and takes his hand.

    He knew there was no way in hell she was going to let that one go.

    So they find their exit to the parking lot. Luke takes the bags from Lorelai, holds them by their handles with one hand and puts the other arm around her shoulders. She leans into him. They're both quiet as they walk.

    When they get to the Jeep, Luke puts the bags in the back. Then he leans against the Jeep, and pulls Lorelai up against him. She cooperates; and then they're kissing again, and now Luke is starting to lose count of how many times they've kissed. After a minute or two, he breaks the kiss and brushes his lips against the smooth curve of her neck. She moans very, very softly.

    But then she suddenly pulls away, looks at him, takes a deep breath and another.

    "Sorry," Luke says. "Too much?"

    "Don't apologize," she says. "It's just, the parking lot and the car thing and it's a little too, you know, sixteen."

    Luke smiles at her.  "When did you become the queen of maturity?"

    She looks like she's trying to come up with a response when she suddenly flings her hands up in the air. "Ok, you're right. I'm totally sixteen. But I keep having this horrible paranoia that Emily is going to come out of nowhere, after a leisurely evening of terrorizing the Bloomie's staff, and march up to me and ask what on Earth I think I'm doing."

    "Hartford?" he asks.

    "Hartford," she agrees.

    Trouble is, thinks Luke, they don't really have anywhere to go in Stars Hollow, either. There's no way of knowing where Rory and Jess are.

    "I can't exactly tell Rory to just stay at your place with Jess," says Lorelai, apparently thinking the same thing. "That would just get too weird."

    "Yeah."

    She walks back to him, and reaches her arms up around his neck, so he just hugs her.  And he can't help thinking: This is their first intimate, uncomplicated hug.

    It's almost better than the kissing.

    She laughs, suddenly, against his collarbone. "You know, it's funny, Jess and Rory are probably having this same conversation, trying to figure out whose house we're going to go back to.  I never really thought about how to handle this part."

    "I didn't either."

    "A motel would be sort of seedy," she says.

    "Plus, it could get expensive."

    She looks at him and her eyes glint. "Very expensive," she says, and kisses him. But she stops before things get intense again, and pulls back, holding on to his hands.

    "Well," she says. "Sounds like we're just going to have to wait until Rory moves out and go to college." She laughs at the expression on Luke's face. "Come on, after all this, what's another couple of months?"

***

CHAPTER EIGHT

Luke takes Lorelai home after their date. They arrive at her house, and get out of the Jeep. Luke walks to his truck parked nearby. Lorelai follows, and they kiss for a moment, in the quiet darkness.

    "Hey, I have an idea," says Lorelai. "I'll go in, and if Rory's not home yet, I'll turn the porch light off and on once."

    "And if she is home?"

    "Then I won't do anything."

    "Wouldn't it make more sense just to come out and get me if she's not here?"
   
    "Sure, take all the fun out of it."

    "You could do your little morse code trick if she is home. That make you happy?"
   
    "Ecstatic!"

    "Ok, I'll wait here for the signal then," Luke says, smiling.

    "Ok, do you have your poison tooth ready to go?"

    "Huh?"

    "You know - your cyanide-loaded tooth. In case you get captured by enemy forces." She looks at him askance. "Duh."

    "That's very Reagan-era of you."

    She reaches up and kisses him again, "Just in case this is goodnight," she says.

    Luke waits in his truck because he doesn't want to look like a stalker. Before he even has a chance to get antsy, Lorelai is back, standing by his window.

    "It's not goodnight," she says, and suddenly looks a little nervous. "I mean - do you want to come in for a little while?"

    "Sure," he says, and he tries to sound casual. He doesn't really know where this is going. Rory is still an issue. An issue with no obvious solution.

    Still...

    They don't make it much past the front door; he has barely hung up his jacket when Lorelai moves towards him, and he moves towards her, and then things spin rapidly out of control.
   
    Their fifth kiss? Seventh? Whatever.

    They're starting to get more used to each other now, fitting their bodies together more naturally as they stand and kiss. More closely. Less wasted space between them. And as it becomes more comfortable, and less awkward, it becomes more...

    Lorelai, forearms slung up around Luke's neck, suddenly breaks their kiss, seems to be probing the muscles of his neck and shoulders with her fingers while Luke tries to catch his breath.

    "My god, Luke," she says, a concerned look on her face, "Your neck muscles are like elevator cables."

    "Huh?"

    "Your muscles. They're all knotted. Doesn't that hurt?"

    Luke shrugs. He hadn't noticed.

    Still poking at him, Lorelai says "All right. That's it. Come here."

    She leads him into the living room, where she moves aside the coffee table, leaving a big empty space by the sofa. She frowns at the hardwood floor, then leaves the room and comes back with a sleeping bag.

    "Ok, I don't want to know why you actually own a sleeping bag, do I?" he asks.

    She glances at him smiles and says "Probably not." And he realizes: Alex. Mr. Outdoors. Oops.

    Oh well. He watches her spread out the sleeping bag, a bit mystified. She throws down some spare cushions from the couch, turns off a couple of lights until it's pleasantly dim without being dark. Then she sits down, cross-legged, and points to a spot  in front of her. "Sit," she says. "Face away from me."

    Luke recognizes the tone of voice, doesn't argue. He sits down on the sleeping bag, his back to her.

    And then he feels small feminine hands hesitantly, then firmly kneading the muscles running along the tops of his shoulders, the sides of his neck.  Trapezius? Rhomboids? He can't remember what they're called. But he realizes now they were really tensed up, and he didn't even know.

    She keeps rubbing, somehow she finds all the knots, and it hurts and feels good at the same time in the way that only muscles can. Well, really, really good, actually. She digs her thumb gently into another knot, and Luke makes an Mmmmm sound, like Lorelai with her cheesecake - like Lorelai with other things - and this seems to please her. "Feel good?" she asks.

    "Mmm-hmmm."

    But it feels better than good. As Lorelai massages away years of knotted muscles that Luke didn't even know he had, he feels something else. It's not a sex thing. Rather, a feeling of peace washes over him. And while it seems too cliché to be true, there's no other word for it. It reminds Luke of when he got his wisdom teeth out and accidentally took two of the painkillers the dentist had given him instead of one, thinking it was like aspirin; he feels warm and floaty and euphoric and relaxed.

    Aside from that one time, this feeling is completely unfamiliar to Luke. He suddenly remembers Rachel talking about anthropology once, how important human touch was to the species.  Something about endorphins.  And bonding.  He never really got what she was talking about. Now he does.

    "How did you learn to do this?" he asks.

    "Oh, Rory and I used to pretend we were Swedish masseuses named Olga and Helga, and practice on each other. We had this big plan where we were going to become professional masseuses for rock stars."
   
    "Sounds a little sordid -- Ahh," he says, as she works loose another bundle of tightly-wound muscle. "But you're really good at it."
   
    "Nah," she says, dismissively. "I just know what it feels like. I store all my tension in the same muscles."

    He twists around a little to look at her. "I can take a hint," he says. "Turn around?"

    "Can I call you Bjorn?"

    "If you must."

    So they switch positions. Lorelai's dark hair is cascading down between her shoulderblades, so Luke has to sweep it aside gently.  Lorelai shivers.

    Luke begins rubbing her shoulders in the same way, in the same places, very softly, because she suddenly seems very small and he doesn't want to hurt her.  But she says "You can rub a little harder," so he pushes his thumbs in harder, and is rewarded with Mmmm...

     Her muscles don't seem that tense, but she definitely seems to be enjoying it, keeps making cheesecake noises. "Nice, strong hands..." she mumbles. "I think I'm keeping you, Bjorn."

    Luke doesn't argue.

    After a few minutes, Lorelai sighs deeply, and says "Thanks, that was awesome."

    "Sure."  He stops rubbing her shoulders, and he expects her to turn around, but instead she leans back into him.

    So he puts his arms around in front of her, inadvertently brushing the soft swell of her right breast with his forearm. And then they sit there;   Luke is entranced by the feeling of Lorelai breathing in his arms.

    But after a moment, she disengages and lies back on the sleeping bag, a throw cushion under her head.  She looks up at Luke.  "Lie down," she says.

    "But, Rory..."
   
    "Shh, don't worry about it. I just want to talk. We're going to remain fully clothed."

    "Oh."
   
    "You sound disappointed," she says, grinning at him.

    "No comment."  

    So they both lie there on their backs, staring up at the ceiling. It feels a little awkward until Lorelai reaches over and holds his hand.

    "What do you want to talk about?" Luke asks.

    "Well, there's something I've been wanting to ask you, but I'm afraid it might be too weird."

    "Boxers," he says, and she laughs.

    "Thanks for the info," she says. "But it's something else."

    "Go ahead, ask."

    Lorelai is silent for a moment, then says: "How long have you felt... this way about me?"

    Luke takes a deep breath. He feels a little edge of panic. He wasn't expecting this. He really doesn't want to tell her the truth. He's silent, trying to come up with a plausible lie, and Lorelai says "I'm sorry. Forget I asked."

    And just the fact that she is asking, and apologizing, makes Luke realize that she probably already knows.

    So he continues to stare at the ceiling, and says aloud the thing he's never admitted to anyone, barely admitted to himself.

    "Years," he says.

    Lorelai squeezes his hand. They still don't look at each other.

    "Before Rachel came back," she says carefully.

    Luke sighs. "It's why she left."

    He hears Lorelai's sharp intake of breath. Then she rolls over, up against his side, puts her head on his shoulder.  She feels so warm next to him. She puts an arm over his chest;  Luke encircles her with his own arms. And they lie there a moment quietly. It feels strangely illicit; there is something much more intimate about lying together like this than kissing, no matter how passionate the kiss. She has a leg thrown over his, and he can feel her breasts against his ribcage every time she breathes. It's very distracting.

    Until Lorelai whispers, almost in his ear: "I'm sorry, Luke. I didn't know. About Rachel."

    Luke just  holds her a little tighter; shrugs.
   
    "And I'm sorry it took so long," she says.

    "Why did it?" he asks. "When did you decide?"

    Lorelai sighs. "I don't know when I decided, per se. It was this thing that was always in the back of my head, and people were always pointing it out to me, and I was just in total denial.  It scared me so much.  I don't even know why.  So I just didn't think about it. And then you were with Nicole, and I was jealous. And I felt stupid for feeling jealous, for thinking that you would always be there for me, whenever I figured out what I wanted. So I was with Alex one night, and I had just spent twenty minutes explaining why I didn't think Nicole was right for you..."  Her voice trails off, and she sighs again, heavily.

    "And that was the night," he says. "The night you had me come over."

    "It wasn't one of my better plans," she says, and laughs. "But I think we've already established that."
 
    "But that was when you realized how you felt?"

    She is silent for a moment. "No," she says.

    "When?" he persists. "Come on, I showed you mine."

    "It's stupid."

    "Tell me."

    Lorelai sighs. "Remember when you came to Rory's birthday party a couple of years ago? And you brought the ice? And I hugged you?"

    Luke remembers, all right. "Yep."

    "It just felt so... right. It was so weird, it was just a hug, but..."

    "I know."

    "Then my mother noticed and commented on it, and that was enough to stick me into denial for a good year or so. Because, god forbid I let Emily Gilmore be right about something." She laughs.  "And after that, there was Max. And Christopher. And then you and I got in that terrible fight over the car accident, and I was afraid things would never be right between us again... And once we were friends again, I still just wasn't ready." She pulls her head away from his so she can look into his eyes. "Were you ready before now? Really?"

    Luke thinks about it. He thinks about Rachel coming back, and about Nicole, and the ways those two experiences changed him. "No," he says, "I guess I wasn't."
    He kisses Lorelai's forehead.

    "Well," she says. "Maybe things really do happen for a reason. Who knew."
   
    ***

    Luke wakes up, disoriented. There's something warm bundled up against him, and he has the feeling of being watched. He opens his eyes.

    He is lying on his side on the sleeping bag on Lorelai's living room floor. With his arms around Lorelai, from behind, her back nestled against his chest. Until a moment ago, his face was buried in her hair. Lorelai is evidently still asleep, breathing deeply.

    They must have fallen asleep together on the floor. This isn't good.

    He looks up. Rory is standing there looking down at them, chewing on her lower lip. "Um, hi.." she says softly.

    Luke's pulse kicks into overdrive. He quickly disengages from Lorelai, trying not to disturb her. She makes a small whimpering sound, but doesn't wake up.

    He gets to his feet, looks at Rory sheepishly. Rory holds a finger up to her lips, then covers up Lorelai with an afghan from the sofa, turns the lights out. She gestures for Luke to follow her, and walks into the kitchen.

    In the kitchen, Rory is pouring herself a glass of water. Luke leans uneasily against the cabinets. "Sorry about this," he says, in hushed tones. "We just fell asleep. We didn't mean for you to walk in on it."

    "No, I'm sorry. I know things are a little weird, with you and Mom and me and Jess. Although, I'm not sure I want to know the story behind the sleeping bag." She smiles.

    He returns the smile. "It was more innocent than you'd think."

    "Well, I should have just gone to bed and let you two alone instead of just standing there staring. It was just..." She looks uncertain.

    "Yeah?"

    "Well, it took me a minute to figure out what I was seeing and then..." She trails off again, obviously choosing her words. She looks at the floor, then looks up at Luke, directly. "I've seen Mom with other guys before. Not a lot," she says quickly, "But a couple. Max and Dad. And Alex. I've never seen her look so... trusting."
 
    "Well," says Luke uncertainly, "She was asleep."

    "I know, but I can tell. She totally lets her guard down around you. Or else she would have never fallen asleep out there in the first place. With Alex especially, it always seemed like she was just acting out a role."

    Luke knows the feeling.

    "And you two looked so... comfortable together. I mean, aside from the floor part." Rory smiles at him again.

    "So you're ok with this?" Luke asks. "With us? Me and your Mom?"

    "Yeah," she says. "I'm really happy for you guys and I hope things work out. And..."

    "Yeah?"

    Rory looks almost desperate. "I need you to take care of her," she says. "When I go to college. You know?" She frowns. "You don't know how bad things were, when you two weren't speaking." 

    Luke understands now; and understands why Rory is being so unusually forward with him.

    "I would have anyway, Rory." he says. "Even if we hadn't... gotten together. You know that."

    She nods at him. "I know. But it's better, like this."