Take Whatever You Can Get

Author: Kieyra

Website: http://www.geocities.com/kieyra/

Summary: He does remember, though, the first day he accepted it; this new reality that had a woman named Lorelai in it.

Rating: R

PROLOGUE

   Luke doesn't remember the first time he and Lorelai met.  He knows they must have seen each other around; it is a small town, after all.  He has spent his whole life here, and she has lived here sixteen years or more. Surely they crossed paths many times before he noticed her in the diner.

    The fact is, after Rachel left the first time,  Luke stopped noticing people much. He went through the motions of living, but that was all.  He wasn't going to give life another chance to break him.  But he still had to get through all the days.  So he played along, paid lip service to life, but his heart wasn't in it any more.  He'd never had particularly high expectations of life in the first place.  When Rachel left, it just confirmed what he'd suspected all along: That he wasn't cut out for anything but survival; getting through the day, every day, with a minumum of irritation.

    But somewhere along the way, this raven-haired woman came into sharp focus, in outright defiance of the comforting, featureless blur that was life and the diner.  Like a character from Pleasantville, she didn't give a damn if Luke's world was gray, she would exist in nothing less than full Technicolor.

    He doesn't remember when he learned her name.  When she stopped being part of the overall blur and stubbornly took on a distinct identity, he still refused to think of her as Lorelai.  Instead, he just thought of her as the hyperactive woman with the strangely precocious, strangely non-whiny kid. And he tried, he did try, to ignore her, to force her back into the blur with the others, but it didn't work.

    And she had the damnedest way of making everything around her more real, too, by noticing every little thing, joking about it, words falling out of her mouth faster than any normal person could keep up with.  And she dragged others out of the blur along with her - Rory, Kirk, Babette, Miss Patty - until Luke's world was suddenly populated with real, breathing people again.

    It was very confusing.  How had she done that? No mortal woman should wield such power.

    He does remember, though,  the first day he accepted it, this new reality that had a woman named Lorelai in it:

    "Can you believe it?" she is asking young Rory, who is all wide-eyed, loyal indignation, "And then the sales clerk just stared at me with this confused look on her face, like I hadn't just spent fifty bucks there fifteen minutes earlier -- thanks, Duke," she says, as Luke refills her coffee,  "--Like I haven't been shopping there as long as she's been working there. You'd think I would have made an impression by now. People need to pay more a leetle more attention."

    "This, coming from the woman who's been calling me the wrong name for a couple of  years," Luke says with a tight smile, and the words hang there for a moment. He's not sure where they came from. It was definitely his voice, but it sounded like something his old man or one of his uncles would say.  A sense of humor, or at least of banter, is something he used to have but has deemed extraneous to post-Rachel life.

    He glances sidelong at her, wondering if they could perhaps pretend he hasn't spoken up on a subject other than pancakes, but her face has broken into an impossibly beautiful, triumphant grin and she says, "Ah, but I did that on purpose."   

    "Why?" he asks. He is truly curious.

    "I wanted to see if you'd ever react," she says, still grinning.

    "Well, sorry I took so long to catch on," he replies, and strangely, he means it. He can't recall the last time he was so involved in a conversation.

    "Oh, it's fine. Now I get to come up with new and more innovative ways of tormenting you."

    He is very much afraid she's not kidding.

    But he toys with an idea: Maybe twenty-eight is too young to give up one's sense of humor.   

    And after that, they have an unspoken truce of sorts, and she stops being 'that-woman-with-the-kid', and becomes Lorelai.

    And he becomes, finally, Luke.

***

CHAPTER ONE

CHAPTER TWO

It is 11:25pm on a Saturday night, and Luke's phone rings. Not the diner phone, but the phone upstairs, his personal phone. This phone usually only rings for a few reasons:  for Jess, a wrong number, or bad news. Nicole doesn't call this late.

    Rory and Jess are together, out, somewhere, being young, so it can't be Rory. The wrong numbers only happen when Luke is busy downstairs, or in the shower, or otherwise occupied. Which leaves bad news. Luke groans; he's just gotten comfortable, having closed up the diner, taken a shower, and had a beer, and now he was looking forward to a pleasant evening of falling asleep in front of the television. A Saturday night alone is actually a luxury these days, between his nephew and his - girlfriend? He has a girlfriend? Luke is conscious of the fact that this is the first time he's thought of Nicole as a girlfriend. Well, they've been dating for a month and a half now, what else are they to each other? He is not sure. But the phone is still ringing.  He sighs and gets up.

    "Yeah?" is the way he answers the phone.

    "He dumped me," says a woman's voice, unrecognizable with crying.
  
    "I'm sorry to hear that, ma'am, but I think you've got the wrong number."

    "Luke," sobs the voice, "It's me. Lorelai."

    Oh. Lorelai generally does not call him on the phone. When she wants something from him, she just shows up in person. He has always gotten the feeling that the phone is just too restrictive a medium for her personality.  

    "Who dumped you?" he asks, stupidly, because it can really only be Alex, but he doesn't want to presume to know.

    "Matthew McConaughey," she says, exasperated. "Helena Bonham Carter strikes again."
   
    "Huh? Did you accidentally drink too much cough syrup again?"

    "Alex. Alex dumped me." She says this slowly and carefully, as though he's not so bright.  Well, maybe he isn't.

    "Oh. Uh, sorry. What happened?"

    "Can you come over?"

    "Of course."

    Of course he can.
   
 ***

    When the car accident with Rory and Jess happens, Lorelai does not call him from the hospital, no, she just shows up in person. She is yelling and screaming and getting in his face, and it takes a while for the words to make sense. Eventually he is able to piece things together,  but he's still not sure exactly how it happened.  Lorelai seems to think Jess has done this on purpose. And, by extension, she blames Luke. He wonders where she learned her definition of  "accident". And at a time when he still has no clue if Jess is hurt or not, she continues to yell, and this is the thing that really sticks with Luke for a while.

    He expected Lorelai, of all people, to understand the importance of family, to understand his obligation to take care of Jess. Instead, she seems to think  that Jess should come in a distant third on Luke's list of priorities; after Lorelai and Rory, of course. He wonders where he himself fits in on her list, if he's ever even made an appearance there.  And the certain one-sidedness of their relationship, the thing he's always been able to ignore, is dragged out into the open and lit by harsh floodlights.

    And he withdraws from Lorelai. She's had him wrapped around her finger for a long time, but this strange selfishness of hers, her inability to see this situation from his perspective, has made her much less attractive to him.  And he is angry, and hurt.

    He sends Jess away. Not to appease Lorelai, no, although he secretly hopes she feels a little guilty when she hears about it. No, he sends Jess away because he suddenly has his first real flash of parental instinct; he knows damned well that Jess is going to ask him if he can come back. And he knows it's the only way he's ever going to get a little bit of control over Jess, something resembling the upper hand. By proving to Jess that he, Luke, has something that Jess wants, that only Luke can provide. And that something is Stars Hollow and a semblance of stability.  So he sends him away, and never quite gets around to sending his belongings back.

    And when Jess returns, Luke has a profound sense of satisfaction; he's finally starting to get the hang of understanding how human nature works and using it to his advantage. Better late than never.

    Meanwhile Lorelai has apologized. She has apologized in person, and she has apologized in a letter. She has begged him to return to their former friendship. And while he is inwardly pleased to hear her apologies, to see this evidence that she actually needs him, he is still reluctant to open back up because he was just getting used to the idea that maybe he didn't need her. Well, and because he's enjoying having the upper hand with her, too.  Overall, this whole upper-hand thing is way more fun than he realized.

    But eventually, of course, he caves.  He caves because he has to see her every day, and she is beautiful and funny and warm and she needs him.

    If only as a friend.

    You take what you can get.

***

    Luke pulls on a sweater over his t-shirt (out of flannels; tomorrow is laundry day), decides that his hair is still too wet for a cap, and heads for his truck.

    When he arrives at Lorelai's house, she answers the door wearing a slinky black dress and high heels, which confuses Luke for a moment until he realizes it is Saturday night and she must have been out on a date with Alex. Dumped during a date. Ouch.

    She is also holding a box of Kleenex. He trails her into the living room, where she has set up a nest on the couch: a paper bag already partially full of used tissue; a bag of Chips Ahoy, and a carton of Nestle Quik. She's got this down.

    He should have known this would be an occasion for junk food. He shakes his head, but he has to respect how well-prepared she was.

    He sits down in a chair.  "Do you want to tell me what happened?" he asks.

    "Alex dumped me," she says, kicking off her heels and collapsing on the couch. Luke has to stop himself from making a wisecrack about broken records.

    "Why?" he asks instead. He's not sure it's any of his business; he's pretty sure it's not, but he doesn't know what else to say.

    He sees that it was in fact a bad question, and that Lorelai is not going to answer him honestly.  Instead she says, "Because he's a jerk."

    "Well, clearly," Luke replies with a smile.  And he means it; Alex is a jerk because he made Lorelai cry.  Luke would like to punch him right about now, but he doesn't even know what Alex looks like so he'll have to let it go.

    Still, it's the thought that counts, so he asks, "Do you want me to beat him up?"

    But Lorelai doesn't even laugh, she just stares at him, oddly, and then starts a fresh round of crying.  Luke has never really seen her like this, speechless with grief. He is not sure how to handle a non-verbal Lorelai.  Well, he's not really sure how to handle a verbal Lorelai either, but that at least doesn't strictly require his interaction.

    So after a few uncomfortable moments of watching her cry and not knowing what to say, he finally understands what is expected of him. He takes a deep breath and stands up, and walks over to sit next to her on the couch.

    She is sitting with her long legs folded up underneath her, face buried in one hand, tissue in another. At  first he is just going to pat her on the back. Her date-dress has a halter-style top,  her back and shoulders are bare, so patting her on the back is going to involve touching her bare skin, but he cannot see any way around it. He pats her back gently. Her skin is cool and soft.     
   
    As soon as she feels his hand on her back she leans over into him, and so he puts an arm around her shoulder.  But she keeps, well, leaning, burying her face in his chest, so the easiest thing to do is put his other arm around her, too, and there is really nowhere for his hands to go that isn't bare skin.

    So here he is. He is sitting here with Lorelai in his arms, her cheek pressed against his chest, her hand clutching absently at his sweater. He rocks her a little. He can smell her perfume, and he thinks about the fact that the perfume was intended for Alex, not him. And then he's not thinking of anything at all, because he is sitting here with Lorelai in his arms. Carefully continuing not to think, he strokes her hair gently with one hand. His other hand rests somewhere on her upper back. He's engrossed with the way she smells and the texture of her hair and wishing he could crawl into a bed with her and warm up all the cold skin of her back and shoulders.

    And between being engrossed and not thinking, he doesn't realize at first that she's started to talk; it takes him a moment to notice that the words "It was because of you," have just come out of her mouth.

***

    When Jess and Rory start dating, Luke is confused, and elated, and concerned, and jealous. Yes, let's be honest, he is jealous of Jess, because Jess has, through tenacity and god-knows-what-else, gotten the girl he wanted. A Gilmore girl. He is even a little jealous of Rory, too, after Lorelai describes the specifics to him; he is wise enough to know that if Dean had not dumped Rory, if she had finally had to admit her feelings and dump him, it would have been much harder on her.  She does not handle guilt well; she has not yet learned her mother's trick of sidestepping it. All things considered, she got off easy. Without Dean recognizing what was going on and breaking things off,  she would most likely have spent many more months secretly pining after Jess.

    And Luke is well aware how much fun that isn't.

***

    "What?"  Luke asks.

    "Because of you," Lorelai repeats. "Alex... ended things with me. Because of you."
   
    "I wasn't even there," he says, trying to be funny, because this is making no sense and Lorelai told him once that humor is the last refuge of the nonsensical.

    "But you were," she says. "As he pointed out to me, I never stop talking about you around him."

    "Did you explain that it's probably just the coffee withdrawal talking? Because, I could hook him up with my secret Lorelai formula if that'll help."

    "Luke, I know how strange these next two words are going to sound coming from me, but I'm serious."

    "Well, did you tell him he was crazy?"

    Pause.

    And then Luke understands. And in case there was any doubt left, Lorelai, who is no longer crying, has taken this moment to sit up a little, and turn her face towards his and whisper "He's not crazy." And then she uses her totally unfair mind powers to hypnotize him so he can focus on nothing but her lips. So he kisses her, very softly, and she tastes like chocolate as she kisses him back.

    Just the one tentative kiss, and then she pulls away and looks down shyly. "I know you still have the thing, with Nicole," she says softly.  "So I understand if you want to take care of that first."

    When Luke was a teenager, he had a Rubik's Cube. He liked it a lot. He especially loved the final click when the last twist solved the puzzle and set all the colors right. Sometimes, when he suddenly adds everything up, when a bunch of bits of information coalesce into a big picture in his head, he remembers the Rubik's Cube.

    "Take care of it," he says. "The thing with Nicole."

    Click.

    Lorelai pulls back from him, out of his arms. "Yeah," she says. "Ending things with her. I mean, I assumed..." and her voice trails off, because, Luke guesses, she has realized that he is no longer following the script. Luke stands up.

    "You assumed that now that you've crashed and burned for the third or fourth time running, it's time to give ol' Luke a chance," he says, and he hardly recognizes his own voice, and she recoils like she's been hit.  "You assumed that I'd just drop whatever I was doing, whoever I was doing and come fix things, because that's what you've pretty much trained me to do over the last few years."

    It takes some effort not to yell.

    "Luke!" she gasps. "Didn't you hear anything I said?"

    "I heard. You Gilmore girls sure are lucky, aren't you? Even your significant others are considerate enough to dump you when they realize you're getting restless. You don't even have to do the dirty work. Just get dumped on cue, fall into the waiting arms of the next guy. And nevermind if he already has someone else. Nevermind the Shanes, and the Sherris, and the Nicoles of the world."

    Lorelai looks shocked, really shocked. "You mean...  I thought...  I thought you wanted me," she breathes.

    He looks at her, curled up on the opposite end of the couch now, and he says, very carefully, "Of course I wanted you, Lorelai. Just not like this."

    And she is crying again now, and he feels bad, he does, he kind of wants to rewind things five minutes and just hold her, but he also feels angry. Angry and disappointed, because he doesn't want it to have been part of a script, and he doesn't want to be Rebound Guy, and he doesn't want to be taken for granted anymore. And he wonders how in the world she would ever have respected him if he'd just dropped everything and come running when she finally got to his number on the to-do list. Has she even thought about it? Is it better for her if she doesn't have to be bothered with respecting him, and when exactly did this feeling turn into rage?
   
    He is so angry, in fact, that he leaves then, and goes to a payphone and calls Nicole. And then he goes to Nicole's house. Before tonight, they've only ever kissed, but Nicole seems to have understood something about the tone of his voice on the phone.  She asks no questions; just answers the door in a pale robe.

    And afterwards, he is angry again, because as he is falling asleep in Nicole's huge bed, he realizes he is still thinking of Lorelai.

***

CHAPTER THREE

Luke observes Lorelai's romantic mishaps over the years. He knows a lot more about what goes on with her than she realizes; this town loves gossip and you overhear a lot of things when you run a restaurant.  

    It hurts, of course, watching Lorelai make the same mistakes over and over, but it rarely comes down to jealousy.  The only one of Lorelai's men who has really posed a threat to Luke is Christopher. They have so much history together, and they have Rory, an unbreakable bond, something Luke will never be able to touch. So it's a good thing that Luke is too busy being mad at Lorelai over the car accident to find out about the latest Christopher fiasco until it's already over with and Christopher is safely bound to another, pregnant, woman. Pregnant! Is this guy totally boneheaded? But anyway, crisis averted, although Luke senses it was a close call.

    But at the end of it all, he has weathered the Max storm, and has dodged the Christopher bullet, all with his dignity intact. 

    And so Luke is floored to discover that he is quite nearly insane with jealousy when he first hears about "Alex".

***   

    Lorelai does not come into the diner the day after the night things went so spectacularly wrong. But it is a Sunday, and this is not unusual.

    Luke spends Sunday evening with Nicole. It would seem weird not to, when she calls, after last night. Nicole has rented a bunch of serious movies, independent films, the kind of thing you know you're supposed to appreciate, but instead you end up spending a lot of time looking confused and wishing the plot had a little more resolution. Was the kid really a time-traveler, or just insane? And what did his death accomplish? And why all the Dukakis references? The movies make Luke's brain hurt, and he falls asleep in the middle of the second one. Nicole wakes him up later, and he apologizes and says he needs to go home and catch up on sleep. Nicole just smiles, and kisses him goodnight, and doesn't complain. She rarely complains about anything.

    By Wednesday, it is pretty clear that Lorelai is not coming back to the diner anytime soon. It's also clear that Jess knows something, that he's gotten some version of events from Rory, but one black look from Luke shuts him up. Give him credit, the kid knows exactly how far he can push before it's time to cut his losses.

    By Thursday night, the feelings of self-righteousness and good old masculine rage that have been carrying Luke along since Saturday begin to abandon him. He begins to feel the first creeping hints of uncertainty, and regret. He fights them off, reminding himself that he was right, but they are too much for him. By 11 p.m., he has picked up the phone and put it down again, undialed, no fewer than eight times. He feels Jess smirking at him from across the room, ignores him. He slams the phone down a final time and goes to bed.

    Rory comes in the next morning, and a shot of adrenaline kicks through Luke's nervous system.  He holds his breath, expecting to see Lorelai trailing behind at any moment. But she never appears, and Rory walks to the counter like she is walking to a funeral.

    "Hey Luke," she says.

    "Hey Rory.  How's things?"
   
    "Not bad. Could I get some coffee and a danish, to go?"

    "One coffee and danish, or two?" he asks, smiling a little, figuring Lorelai is lurking somewhere just around the corner.

    "Just one."

    "Oh. Sure. Coming right up."

    And he cannot help asking: "How's your Mom?" and bracing himself.

    Rory looks at Luke, hesitates, and he can see she is weighing her words. The girl really does think too much. Finally she says, "Just between you and me?"

    "Of course," Luke says, too quickly.

    "I don't know exactly what happened with you two. She won't tell me. All I know is, one day she says it's all her fault, and the next day she says she hates you and she's never speaking to you again and that she's becoming a lesbian and joining a convent.  So, on the whole, she's not so good."

    "Whose fault is it today?"

    "Well, I've only seen her pre-coffee today, so it was your fault. But that could change at any moment." She smiles a little.

    Luke nods. "Well, uh..."

    "Look, you don't have to say anything," Rory says. "I'm staying out of it, not taking sides, because frankly the idea of getting in the middle of you two right now is pretty scary."
   
    Luke smiles in what he hopes is a reassuring way. "I'm sure it'll work itself out."

    Rory looks dubious, but then Jess comes downstairs and that pretty much ends the conversation.

***

    To be fair, he's never met Alex. The details that Jess gleefully brings back from Rory to force upon Luke are, at best, yawn-worthy. Even Lorelai herself doesn't seem able to work up much enthusiasm. "He's nice," he hears Lorelai say again and again and again, as though she is discussing a dish at a restaurant that is acceptable but that she wouldn't bother ordering a second time. Like she is describing a bunch of sickly sweet flavored coffees that are nice once in a while but are not what you need at 7 a.m. on a Tuesday.

    And fishing? Their second date is fishing? The relationship is clearly doomed, with a misstep like that.

    And maybe the mediocrity of it all is what really gets to him.  She'd sooner go out with this cardboard cutout of a man than acknowledge the barest of Luke's hints,  give him an opening he can work with.  He is jealous, dammit, and he twitches inside every time he hears the name Alex and every time Lorelai evades some question, and it is really just getting to be intolerable. Something has to be done.

    And that something turns out to be a redhead named Nicole who picks precisely the right moment to walk into his diner.

    He's not too sure why she attracts him. He can feel it, though, even before Jess points it out. She reminds him a little of Bethany, his first serious girlfriend in high school, and even a little of Rachel. And she is so clearly an adult, and calm, and Luke is pretty sure Lorelai will never be either of these things. (And though he doesn't really count those among Lorelai's faults, anything that is not-Lorelai suddenly seems good).  But the kicker is that she's attracted to him, too. Chemistry. It's not something Luke feels often.

    At least, not with anyone but Lorelai.

***

    It's been a month now since Luke has seen Lorelai. Rory still comes into the diner; she comes in to see Jess, and she comes in for coffee, and every once in a while, tellingly, she gets an extra burger to go. Luke doesn't ask. They don't mention Lorelai. Neither of them knows what to say.

    Luke starts to feel like he's had a limb amputated. Sometimes he wants to call her. Sometimes he wants to write a letter, sneak it into the bag with her burger. Sometimes he wants to show up at Lorelai's front door with a limosine and two dozen long-stemmed roses and beg her to forgive him.  The rest of the time, he reminds himself that he did what he did for a reason, that he couldn't stand to be someone's lapdog, and that Lorelai wouldn't have liked him for long if he had.

    He continues to see Nicole. They get along pretty well and Nicole doesn't ask a lot of sneaky female questions or make demands of him. They go to movies, they go to dinner, and he usually spends Saturday nights at her place. They get into a sort of pattern.

    One night at dinner, Nicole mentions to him a new culinary school that's opened up nearby. "Have you ever thought about becoming an actual chef? You're a great cook."

    "Sometimes, yeah."

    But she doesn't push the issue, and he doesn't get the feeling that she's trying to manipulate him into leaving the diner, trying to change him; she's just passing along information that he might find interesting. And the next thing he knows,  Luke is really thinking about it. Working as a head chef somewhere would be a lot less work than the diner, and probably a lot better money. He suddenly has a vision of a future that doesn't include the diner, and it is terrifying.

    He starts to wonder if he should propose to Nicole. Not because he is madly in love with her; he isn't.  It's just that, after Rachel and Lorelai, he's starting to wonder if being madly in love with someone is a recipe for disaster. Maybe the successful relationships are between two people who merely like and tolerate each other.

    It's a depressing thought. But you have to take what you can get.

***

    The night of his first date with Nicole, the last person Luke wants to see while he is busy being nervous and self-conscious and feeling weird without his baseball cap is Lorelai Gilmore. But there she is, when he comes downstairs, sitting and chattering away and demanding coffee and looking beautiful.

    It takes a moment before she notices he is dressed up, and then she demands to know where he is going, because she of course considers every move he makes to be her business. Lorelai, the person who wouldn't even admit that her little fishing trip was a date until Luke called her on it. But while he is trying to give her a taste of her own medicine, Nicole walks in.  Luke suddenly remembers a day a couple of years past, when Lorelai was sitting at the counter like she is now, only it was Rachel walking in.  It's the same sort of feeling, the feeling that his strange friendship with Lorelai is something he should hide from other women in his life if he wants them to take him seriously.

    Instead, he does the adult thing and introduces them, and Lorelai does a pretty good job of emulating maturity.

    Until Nicole's cellphone rings. And then Lorelai throws a silent temper tantrum behind Nicole's turned back, pointing at the NO CELLPHONES sign and pointing at Nicole and making faces of abject horror, until Luke is forced to grab her wrists and subdue her, like she's a little kid.

    And while Luke is a strange mixture of amused and annoyed and embarassed at the time, later on, at the restaurant, he realizes what the cellphone thing was actually all about.

    Lorelai was jealous. Lorelai. Was jealous of Luke, having a date, with another woman.

    The hell?

    Really, he just can't win. But he figures it's time to stop living in the past.

***

    Luke hasn't seen Lorelai for six weeks.

    A new gourmet market opens up in town, right across the street, which amuses Luke to no end because it pisses off Taylor, who has been helpless to block it. From what Luke hears, the shop is the hobby of some Hartford millionaire's bored wife, and she had endless money and lawyers and Taylor finally had to give in.

    Luke decides to pay a visit to the market the Saturday after it opens, taking a break from the diner during the late afternoon lull. He's still been turning the chef idea over and over in his head, and he wonders if he might find some inspiration at the market, maybe try some new dishes at the diner.

    As he is rounding an aisle corner after looking at some overpriced pastas, he nearly collides with Lorelai, who gasps in startlement.

    "Oh, sorry!" Luke exclaims.

    "Sorry!" Lorelai exclaims.

    "No, I'm sorry," Luke insists.

    "No, really, it was my fault."
   
    And then there is the mother of all awkward silences. Luke laughs nervously.  "Well, that conversation sure went to a weird place fast," he says.
   
    "Don't worry, it left me behind too. I think it's in the Bahamas by now, having one of those tall fruity drinks by the pool."

    Lorelai is wearing her usual jeans, and a t-shirt that says "BLAH BLAH BLAH", and a long black coat. She looks tired, but pretty.

    Luke takes a deep breath and tries to force his heartrate down. "So, how have you been?" he asks.

    "Good," she says, and she does an impressive job of sounding sincere.

    "Lorelai--" Luke starts to say, not that he has any idea what he's going to say, but Lorelai interrupts him, looking down at the refrigerated case in front of them.

    "Look at this cheese," she says. "Creamy French Mountain Cheese. Twelve bucks a pound. How do you suppose they get cheese out of a mountain, Luke?"

    "I don't know," Luke says desperately, "But the process is probably reflected in the price. Look, Lorelai --"

    But she suddenly turns around and grabs his forearm, like she's trying to get his attention in a crowded room, but there's no one else around.

    "I'm really sorry Luke. I'm sorry I waited too long."

    She looks at him a split second longer, with the saddest expression, and then she is gone.

***

    He's done it again; for the third time in twenty minutes Nicole has asked him a question and he's failed to answer because he is so distracted thinking about his odd encounter earlier this afternoon, in the market with Lorelai.

    "Luke?" Nicole asks, and the faintest edge of impatience is starting to creep into her voice.

    "I'm sorry, Lorelai, I..."

    Oh, god. Surely this is not really happening. He didnotjust call her Lorelai. He winces. He sees from the look on Nicole's face that he did, in fact, call her Lorelai.

    Oh, god.

    "Oh, god. I'm sorry. She and I, we've just been having a little fight lately. It's no big deal.  We've been friends for a long time, you know."

    Nicole puts down her menu. "Yes," she says. "I know."

    "I just ran into her today, so she was on my mind. It's nothing."

    Nicole seems to consider this. "Do you know what being a lawyer really comes down to?" she asks, seemingly apropos of nothing.    

    "No, what?"

    "Watching people lie, all day long."

    She gives this a minute to sink in, and gathers up her purse, stands up from the table. She leans over and kisses him on the cheek. "Just decide, all right? And then let me know. I'm going to call myself a cab."

    And then she is gone.

***

CHAPTER FOUR

Luke drives home. He turns off the headlights and kills the engine, coasts to a stop, because he doesn't want to alert Jess if he's here, doesn't want to deal with questions. He just wants to sit downstairs in the darkened diner and think about Lorelai and Nicole and why women are allowed to make enigmatic statements and then just leave. He knows that, as a man, he would never be allowed to get away with that sort of thing. 

    He lets himself into the diner quietly, locks the door behind him. He goes and sits on the third step of the staircase, buries his face in his hands. He's just getting ready to start brooding in earnest when he hears something.

    Voices. Noises.  A gasp; a breathy sigh.  Stuff he really should not be hearing, floating down from upstairs, through the door that has been left partially open.

    Rory and Jess.

    Oh, god, thinks Luke, for what feels like, and probably is, the hundredth time today.

    And he's about to jump up and run up the stairs and interrupt something he really, truly does not want to see, but he's got no choice.

    Except he then hears Jess say, "Rory, I love you."

    And Luke is frozen. He can't do it. For one thing, it sounds like he's too late to do anything but embarrass all of them. For another, he doesn't want to mess up their moment.

    He knows there aren't enough moments like that in life.

    So he does the only thing he can do, which is let himself back out of the diner, and go for a walk.

***

    He tells himself he is not going to see Lorelai. Then he tells himself he is but only because he has to talk to her about Rory and Jess. Then he tells himself he should talk to Lorelai about other things anyway. Then he tells himself he's not going to her house, and that's final.

    He is still having this argument with himself as he walks up her front stairs.

    He can see there are lights on, and he hears a television, so hopefully she is up. He knocks on the door.

    After a moment, Lorelai answers the door. She is wearing sweatpants and a tank top, her hair in pigtails on either side of her head, and she is holding a pint of Godiva ice cream in one hand. She looks adorable, and the overall picture makes Luke think of a teenage slumber party. "Uh, hi..."

    "Oh, Luke! Hi!" she says. She follows his gaze to the ice cream. "Gotta love that gourmet market," she says, grinning. "I may have to move in there." She frowns. "Jury's still out on the mountain cheese, though."

    Luke hasn't quite figured out what he's going to say or why he is even here, so there's a moment of silence while he works on that, and she must see the look on his face, because she says "Ok then! So, I guess you're not here to discuss dairy products."

    "Uh, no."

    "Well, come on in. I'm watching The Music Man for the fifth time this month. I mean, it's not Hairspray, but you have to give AMC credit for consistency."

    So Luke follows her in. He can hear the musical in the background.

    "I spark, I fizz, for the lady who knows what time it is..."

    He follows Lorelai into the living room.

    "I cheer, I rave, for the virtue I'm too late to save..."

    "You want to sit down?" she asks.

    "The sadder but wiser girl for me..."

    And then Lorelai looks at Luke glaring at the television, and picks up the remote and shuts it off. "Ok, I guess this isn't a Professor Harold Hill moment."

    He sits down on the couch with a sigh. He remembers the last time he was on this couch. He rubs his eyes. And suddenly, he has to laugh about it all.

    Lorelai sits down in a chair on the opposite side of the coffee table. "Ok," she says finally, "This whole mysterious laughter thing is intriguing, but you know my attention span isn't going to win any world records so just spill it."

    "Sorry," he says, "It's so hard to pick just one topic." He decides to go with the most pressing matter. "I came home early tonight, and, well, I almost walked in on Rory and Jess."

    "Almost? Walked in on what?"

    "I... heard them."

    "Ah." Lorelai says.

    "I'm sorry," he says. "I just couldn't, ah, interrupt them. If you want we can go back there now and talk to them."

    Lorelai looks shocked and a little angry, but not as much as he would have thought.

    "What stopped you?" she asks.

    Luke thinks about it, decides to tell her the truth. "I, uh, heard Jess tell Rory he loved her."

    Lorelai cocks her head to one side. "Well, did he sound like he meant it, or like he was just trying to get her to take her shirt off?"

    Luke just looks at her.

    "Ok," she says. "I get it."

    She stands up and paces around the room. "Well, this isn't a huge surprise. I think they usually hang out over there on Saturday nights. When you're with Nicole." She pronounces the last word carefully, like it might be booby-trapped and she doesn't want to get too close to it.

    "You mean you knew they were there? Alone?    

    "Rory and I have talked about it a couple of times." She makes air-quotes around the word 'it'.

    "It?"
   
    "You know...It."

    "Oh. It. Right. Got it."

    "So yeah, I knew this was coming. Sort of. And if they're not being safe about it, between the two of them and their oversized brains and me as the shining example of not being safe, then there's probably nothing anyone could have done to make it otherwise."

    "You seem awfully calm, though. A couple of months ago you were nervous about them making out in the middle of the afternoon with me right downstairs."

    "I think," she says, "That it's out of our hands now. All we can do is be there for them and hope for the best. Rory's graduating in a few months, and she's going to be eighteen, and after a point there's a fine line between prudent chaperonage and being Mama Kim, Stalker Mom."

    "So you've already thought this through."

    "For about seventeen and a half years, yeah." She smiles at him. 

    Luke sighs. "So you're all right, then?"

    "As all right as I can be, given the circumstances..."

    Her smile fades, and Luke can tell that somewhere around the middle of the sentence she has stopped talking about Rory and Jess. She glances at the floor, twirls a lock of her hair around one of her fingers. Luke knows it's a nervous habit of hers, but it draws his eyes to her neck, and the bare skin of her shoulders and arms.  

    "Listen, Lorelai--"

    "I heard you were shopping for engagement rings," she blurts out.

    "Oh jeez. I really hate this town sometimes."

    "You couldn't have known that Kirk would be working there. Well, on second thought, maybe you should have."

    "I was just looking," he sighs.

    "It's none of my business anyway," she says, and fiddles with some pictures on the mantelpiece.

    "Lorelai, listen--"

    "I meant what I said earlier today," she says. "I'm sorry. About all of it. It's all my fault. Everything you said was true. And I'd been drinking that night, when you came over, and I just thought I'd dive right in--" she laughs "--and you'd think I'd know by now that that never works out, and, oh god, I miss you, and I miss the diner, and I'm so sorry--"

    And now she's crying and she's still standing at the mantelpiece, and she's knocked over one of the pictures and she's trying to right it, but it keeps falling over. And so Luke gets up and goes over to her and takes the picture away from her and puts it down, and grabs her hands and holds them gently in his own. She looks at him with frightened, teary eyes.  She continues: "I'm sorry, I wasn't going to lay all this on you, I--"

    "Lorelai--"

    "It's just, seeing you again, and --"

    "Lorelai!" Luke finally yells, "Are you ever going to be quiet and let me apologize, too?"

    She laughs a little, and wipes her eyes. "I should have just written a letter, huh?"

    But he ignores the question because he's never going to get through this if he lets her sidetrack him. "I'm sorry too, all right? It's not all your fault. I had no right to say some of that stuff. True or not. Ok? I'm sorry." He squeezes her hands a little on the last word, and he notices for the first time how cold they are; and he'd like to hold them forever, or at least until they warm up, and he pushes the thought out of his mind guiltily.

    "Ok," she says.    

    And just when he thinks she's calming down, damned if she doesn't start up again.

    "So do you think we're still going to be able to be friends after all this?" she asks. "I mean, I don't want to get in between you and Nicole, and I'm sorry I acted before like you should just kick her to the curb. It was really immature, I mean, not that I'm the queen of maturity, but I have my moments. And...  I think you of all people deserve to be happy." And Luke sees the tears starting to well up in her blue eyes again, but she goes on. "So, I can just stay out of the way, like I have been. I mean, I'll understand if you just want me and my melodramatic tendencies out of your life for now."

    And the first tear spills out and slips down her cheek, and she takes a big breath to start the next sentence, and so Luke is forced to let go of her hands and grab her by one shoulder and the side of her neck and kiss her, a little roughly, because how else is he ever going to get her to shut up?

    He really has no choice. Anyone would agree.

    She tenses up for a split second, and then she goes all soft and relaxes, tilts her head a little to the side and opens her mouth to his, slides her arms up around his neck. She smells like baby powder. He lowers his hands to her waist to pull her closer, and his fingers inadvertently brush the bare skin between her tank top and her sweats, and she moans a tiny little moan, and so he kisses her harder. Meanwhile she's got got one hand on the back of his head now, fingers ruffling his hair, and she's running the palm of her other hand over his bicep and shoulder and upper chest, feeling the cotton of his button-down date-night shirt.

    And then, evidently, sanity reasserts itself because they both pull away at the same time.

    "Oh, god, Luke," Lorelai says, breathily, looking a little panicked. "I'm --"

    "Stop," he says, still trying to catch his breath too, " I don't want to hear the words 'I'm sorry' again tonight, all right? That was all me. Well, maybe not all me, but I'm officially taking responsibility for that one."

    "But, what about Nicole?"

    Luke sighs and lets go of Lorelai's hand (he didn't realize until now they were holding hands), and sits down on the couch.  He runs a hand back through his hair; it still feels weird not to have the baseball cap on.

    "Well," he says finally, "I guess I have some stuff to think about." Although, all he can really think about right now is the way Lorelai's body felt pressed up against his, and the way their lips fit together, and the way she breathed, and...

    But Lorelai seems to take the statement for what it is; doesn't look happy, no, but doesn't protest. "All right," she says. "I understand."

    "Listen," he says. "I really miss seeing you in the diner."

    "I miss being there," Lorelai says, and she smiles a little.

    "Why don't you come in tomorrow morning? Breakfast on the house."

    She looks dubious.

    "Blueberry pancakes?" he offers.

    "You're an evil, evil man and you're going to come to a bad end someday."

    "Yeah, yeah. So you'll be there?"

    "I'll be there."

    "Great. I need to go now, you know, get my head on straight. When Jess gets here with Rory, try not to break any of his bones or do any permanent damage, all right?"

    "I promise, cuts and mild abrasions only."

    "Lorelai," he says, because he cannot stop himself, "It'll all be all right."

    "I don't believe you," she says, and pouts a little. 

    "Yeah well. Gotta take what you can get," he says as he walks to the front door.

    And then he leaves. And he goes to a payphone to call Nicole.  The same payphone, in fact, that he called Nicole from on that last disastrous night with Lorelai.

    She answers on the first ring. "Nicole? It's Luke. I need to come over, so we can talk."

***

CHAPTER FIVE

Luke approaches Nicole's front door. He's got no idea what he's going to say, which is a state he's finding himself in a lot lately. He knocks.

    She opens the door. She is still wearing her dress from the restaurant. "Hi," she says.

    "Hey," Luke says. He is suddenly quite nervous.

    She looks at him a moment, looks sad. "I guess you've decided then?"

    "What? Wait, I haven't even said anything yet."

    "It hasn't been hard to figure out, ever since the first time I heard you say her name." She sighs. "Well, come in anyway."

    Luke follows her in, and they sit in her living room. Nicole just looks at him, waiting.

    So Luke asks the first question on his mind. "If you saw something there - between me and Lorelai - Why didn't you saysomething,or smack me?"

    "I thought your sense of self-preservation would kick in and you'd get over her. She seems a little high-maintenance." Nicole smiles.

    "You have no idea," Luke says, smiling also.

    Then he tells Nicole all about the theory he's been pondering lately, that maybe real relationships are supposed to be calm and uneventful, not full of sparks and passion and ups and down and craziness.

    "God," she says, grinning. "That's a depressing thought."

    Luke shrugs. "Well, I'm hardly an expert on this stuff." he says, "I'm just not sure what I should do here."

    "Yes, you are. Do you love me?" she asks, and Luke suddenly pictures her taking a deposition: Mr. Danes, did you loveour client, or were you just killing time?

    Luke looks at the carpet. He can't answer. He doesn't want to hurt her. He's never been the one in this position before, never understood just how difficult it is.

    "Right," she says, as though he did answer. "Do you love Lorelai?"

    He can't answer that one either.

    Nicole sighs. I like you a lot, Luke. But you're obviously not ready for a mature, adult relationship."

    "Huh?" he says, startled. "What are you --"

    "Gotcha," she says, smirking at him.  "I do have a sense of humor, you know, it's just rusty."

    Luke laughs a little, and then sighs again. "I am reallysorry, Nicole. I didn't know it would go down like this. I don't know what I'm doing. I just wish there was some way for everyone to be happy."

    "I think it only works that way in movies."

    "Not the movies you watch," he says, smiling at her. 

    "Hated all of them, didn't you?" she asks, smiling back, a real smile. "I think that's when I really knew it wasn't going to work out."

    "So, this is it?" Luke asks. "This is us not working out? Because you seem to be a couple of steps ahead of me."

    "Well, as tempting as it would be to twist the guilt knife a little, I'm thinking I'll just have to let you off easy on this one."

    "Why?"

    "Because I'm not ready to give up on sparks yet either." She smiles again, and Luke understands the unspoken bit: And I didn't get them with you.

    "You know," he says, trying to give her a last chance to tell him he's being an idiot, "It's not like I'm just leaving here and running straight to her."  It's true. He doesn't know for sure how things are going to play out with Lorelai. The possibilities are a little frightening. "It's not like anything has, uh, happened between us."

    "I know.  But it's all about the potential, isn't it?

    "Yeah."

    And then they chat a bit more, and they make half-sincere promises to keep in touch, and they hug for a moment before Luke leaves.

    And he drives home, and he is sad and elated and confused, and it's too many things to feel at one time so he just turns on some loud rock radio station and tries not to think of any of it at all.  It sort of works, but nothing is able entirely to push the memories of kissing Lorelai from his mind.

***

    It's Sunday morning, so Luke doesn't expect Lorelai in until later.  He knows she sleeps in on Sundays.  So he is shocked to see her and Rory come in at 8:53 a.m. The diner is still pretty empty; the church crowd won't be here for hours. Rory looks happy; Lorelai looks happy and nervous and her face is a little flushed. Spring is starting to kick in, and she's wearing a pale blue flowery dress that brings out her eyes. They take one of their usual window tables, and Luke heads over with coffee and two mugs.

    "Morning, ladies."

    "Hi Luke!" says Rory, and it's the most cheery he's seen her in a long time.  He wonders if it's because she's happy to have things back to normal with Luke and Lorelai, or if it has more to do with whatever happened with Jess last night.

    "Hi," Lorelai says, and grins at him. Their eyes lock for a moment; Luke feels an unexpected rush of desire. He smiles back,  and begins to pour their coffee.

    "Whoa there," says Lorelai, when Luke has filled her massive cup a third of the way, and then she mumbles something else. Luke stops pouring.
   
    "What was that?" he asks.

    "I, uh, quit drinking coffee for a while," she says.  "I need to start off slow."

    "Yeah right, and Michael Jackson quit having plastic surgery."

    "It's true," Rory pipes up. "She did."

    Luke looks back and forth from Rory to Lorelai. "How long have you gone without it?" he asks.

    "Oh, about a month and a half," says Lorelai, smiling again.

    Luke is so shocked by this he actually asks her if she wants him to bring her decaf instead.

    "Rory, tell the crazy man that we don't appreciate his little jokes."

    "Ok, ok," says Luke.  "So what can I get you to eat?"

    "I'm pretty sure I was offered complimentary blueberry pancakes," Lorelai says.

    "Really, by whom?"

    "Rory, tell the crazy man that he doesn't want to mess with me since I'm about to drink my first real coffee in weeks."

    "Ok, I'm totally not getting involved in disputes between crazy people," says Rory.  "But I'd like blueberry pancakes too, and I'm willing to pay for mine. And bacon, please."

    "Do you want bacon, too?" he asks Lorelai.  "I warn you, your interpreter seems to be shirking her responsibilities, so you might have to temporarily overlook the fact that I offered you decaf and address me directly."

    Lorelai sighs dramatically. "Just this once. Bacon would be lovely. And extra blueberries. Ooh, and a big glass of milk, but only if it's cold."

    "Why wouldn't it be cold?"

    "Maybe someone left it out on the counter overnight."

    "This is a restaurant, not your kitchen."

    Lorelai looks at Rory. "What is this "kitchen" the crazy man speaks of?"

    "It's that room," Rory says vaguely. "You know."

    Luke leaves them then as they continue to chatter and he goes into the kitchen and cooks their pancakes himself.

    So they eat their blueberry pancakes while complimenting Luke and making noises that border on indecent.  And towards the end Luke hears them arguing over who is going to have leftover pancakes and should therefore have to share, so he makes up an extra order and brings them out and sets them down between them while they're still mid-bicker.

    They both literally gasp at the new stack of pancakes in front of them, then look up at Luke in reverence.

    "Rory, tell the crazy man that he is my hero."

    "You tell him, I'm busy dividing these into fair and equitable portions."

    "Define equitable."

    And they're off again. Luke goes off to wait on other customers. After a while he sees Rory go upstairs, most likely to wake up Jess.

    So he goes to Lorelai's table and sits down, and before she can start talking, he says:  "So. Saturday night."

    "I'm familiar with it. Traditionally before Sunday, but after Friday."

    "Right. Next Saturday night, specifically. Are you busy?"

    "Well, I did have Jude Law pencilled in. We were just going to hang, though, have a few beers. He needs someone to talk to right now. But I can probably reschedule. Why?"
   
    "I was thinking we could have dinner."

    Lorelai looks surprised. "We? As in, you and me and Nicole?" she asks, and he can see that she's not being snide; she's just trying not to make any assumptions. He's kind of touched by the amount of self-control she's exhibiting.

    "We as in you and me. You and I. Whatever."

    "And Nicole is all right with this?" Still the sincere, concerned tone.

    "The Luke and Nicole Show was cancelled on account of low ratings," he says.

    Lorelai is obviously struggling with how to react. She settles on, "I'm sorry."

    "Don't be. Just tell me whether you're free on Saturday night to have dinner with me."

    "Shouldn't  I play hard to get for a while first?"

    "Five years wasn't long enough?"

    "Ouch! Did I mention recently that you're an evil, evil man?"

    "You did. Saturday night?" he asks again.

    And then she smiles at him, and her face lights up and she is suddenly the same beautiful young woman who called him Duke for two years just to get him to wake up.  

    "What time?" she asks.

***

CHAPTER SIX

Sunday night, upstairs, Jess says: "So, I hear you have a date with Lorelai."

    Luke smiles. "Yeah. Got something to say about it?"

    "Nope, just asking. Congratulations. Glad you finally did it."

    "Thanks."

    "Uh huh. So, where are you taking her?"

    Oh, hell. Luke stops folding his laundry, stares off into space.

    "Don't tell me you haven't even thought about it yet?" Jess smirks.

    Luke hasn't. He didn't even know for sure he was going to ask her until just before the words came out of his mouth.

    He looks at Jess. "Uh, well..."

    "Good luck with that," says Jess, and goes back to his book.

***

    The week leading up to Luke and Lorelai's first date is a good sort of weird.

    Specifically, things are weird whenever Lorelai comes into the diner. They don't seem quite sure how to act around each other. There is a sense of newness to the whole thing, like they've just met. Sure, they have known each other for a number of years; but they also have spent nearly the last two months apart -- aside from the small matter of a couple of tension-fraught kisses.

    She comes in first thing Monday morning, alone, and walks up to the counter and sits.

    "Hi," he says, when he sees her,  feeling his pulse pick up a little

    "Hi," Lorelai says.

    There is an awkward silence. "Well, glad we got that out of the way," she says. "Can I have some coffee?"

    Luke realizes he has just been standing there staring at her, because after her long absence from the diner he's still adjusting to the idea that she's really there. "Oh, uh, yeah, of course."

    They chat for a moment, and then he goes to wait on some other customers. When he comes back she says "I missed you," which catches him off-guard and he says "I missed you too," simply and sincerely, without really thinking about it.

    Lorelai looks at him a little oddly.

    "Oh," he says. "You mean just then while I was gone for five minutes."

    "Yeah," says Lorelai.

    "So you were joking."

    "Yeah," she says. "But you can take it as one of those jokes people make in order to thinly disguise the truth." And while Luke is still thinking that over, she finishes her coffee and says, "Have to get to work now. See you later." She smiles and is gone.

***

    In addition to the other weirdness, there is this bizarre clothes thing happening. Luke doesn't even notice he's doing it at first; but by Wednesday he is suspiciously clean-shaven and the flannels have been replaced by denim workshirts. By Thursday the baseball cap is gone. Somehow it just happens.

    And he is hardly the only one; every single day Lorelai has on an outfit he's never seen before.  And if it isn't a long slit skirt with strappy high heels, then it's a glimpse of bare midriff or a top cut so low that Luke is in serious danger of injuring himself through distraction. And there are none of her usual running-late, rumpled, makeupless mornings; and she's always got a hint of perfume about her; and her hair is always down, long and glossy; and she's always smiling at him and accidentally brushing his hand or his arm with her own, and what is this all about?

    They're both nervous and awkward and stuttering and flirting, that's what. Flirting to the point that Rory rolls her eyes and gets up and leaves on more than one occasion. "Because, ewww?" she says.

    But it is not Luke's fault;  Lorelai is doing all this body-language stuff, stuff Luke never really noticed before. She leans over the counter seductively. She traces circles with a fingertip around the rim of her coffee cup seductively. She smiles and she stretches out her long legs and twirls her hair around her fingers seductively. She eats her donuts seductively.

    Ok, maybe Luke is projecting a little, but still, he could sit and watch her eat those damned donuts all day. He can't keep his eyes off her, and he has to stop himself from pulling her into the storeroom whenever she comes in alone and sits at the counter and leans over in her low-cut top and looks at him with... that look.

    It makes him realize just how tame his repertoire of Lorelai fantasies over the years has been.

    And there is the matter of the date, overshadowing the whole thing. I am going on a date with Lorelai, thinks Luke two, three thousand times a day.

    It takes him most of the week to figure out where to take her. This would be such an easy thing to mess up. Obviously, anything even remotely resembling fishing is out. He could take her to a fancy, expensive restaurant, but he knows that Lorelai has had plenty of fancy and expensive in her life, and all it would do is make them both nervous and uncomfortable.

    He considers cooking her dinner at her place. He's got a couple of pretty good recipes down now that are too complicated for the diner. But he's also been cooking for her for years, so the novelty is sort of gone. And, (he can't quite keep himself from hoping), there's plenty of time for romantic candlelit dinners in the future.

    He could do something corny like pack a picnic and go to a park, but he can't get out of the diner until late afternoon at the earliest and it's getting warm enough for bugs. Plus it's, well, corny.

    But he finally comes up with a plan. 

    It's not perfect, but it's a plan.

***    

    Friday afternoon, Lorelai comes in for coffee before her weekly parental dinner.

    "So, we still on for tomorrow?" she asks.

    Luke smiles at her. Smiling at Lorelai is starting to feel natural. "Unless you've changed your mind."

    "It was touch and go there for a while, but Jude's going to try to manage without me."

    "Good to hear."

    "You haven't told me where we're going or anything. What should I wear?"

    "Comfortable shoes."

    "Huh? We're not doing something outdoorsy, are we?"

    "I said comfortable shoes, not hiking boots."

    She looks relieved. "Ok! No six-inch heels, check." But then she licks her lips and leans over. Damn her. "Is that all I should wear, or should I toss in a raincoat?"

    Luke starts to drift, has to push the visual out of his mind. He clears his throat, ignores her question. "Casual is fine.  Also, I think we should take your Jeep. I know my truck's a chick magnet and all, but it's kind of rough for a ride all the way to Hartford."

    "Excuse me? Hartford? We're going to Hartford? Did Emily put you up to this?"

    "Yes, your mother and I chat all the time. We thought we'd get the whole awkward first-dinner-with-the-parents thing out of the way up front," Luke stops rearranging the muffin display, pauses as if in thought. "You know, she was a little worried that you wouldn't want to go there two nights in a row, but I assured her that you always tell me how much you enjoy your Friday night dinners with them."

    Lorelai stares at him, horrified.

    After a moment, Luke says "Uh, all that? Was a joke."

    "Don't do that!" shrieks Lorelai. "My life just flashed before my eyes. Oh, wait, that was your life, because I was going to kill you with your own muffin-tong-thingies. What the hell are those called anyway?"

    "I see you're back in full caffeine addiction."

    "Speaking of which, refill please."

    Miss Patty comes in at that moment, and walks up to the counter next to them. "Luke! Lorelai! How are you, darlings? It's so nice to see you kids getting along again."

    "Yes," says Lorelai, "Luke finally realized he couldn't live without seeing me here in the diner, and he begged me to come back. I was reluctant, but I decided that it would be cruel of me to deny him such a simple request."

    Luke glares at her. She smiles at him. His glare melts.

    "In fact," says Miss Patty, as though she hasn't really been listening, "I don't think I've ever seen you two getting along so well."

    "Lorelai finally started taking her medication," says Luke, which earns him a glare in return from Lorelai. He grins at her, but she gives him a You'll pay for that later look.

    "You two are really adorable," says Miss Patty.

    "Ain't we just," says Lorelai, and she smiles her real smile at Luke.

    Luke smiles back.

    Really, his face is starting to hurt from all the smiling. And he doesn't care.

***

    Saturday afternoon, Luke has showered, and shaved (it's getting to be habitual), but he's having a hard time deciding what to wear. He doesn't want to wear any of his diner clothes, but he doesn't want to go all out with the stuff he used to wear for his more upscale dates with Nicole. He compromises with newish jeans and a long-sleeved dress shirt of dark blue cotton. He tosses his black leather jacket over one arm in case the temperature drops.

    He drives to Lorelai's house, and then the nervousness really kicks in. He didn't feel this way before his first date with Nicole; he's pretty sure he hasn't felt like this since high school. This is absurd; he's known Lorelai for years, but there it is. He's fidgety and his stomach feels unmoored, like it's going to just float away. He taps the steering wheel with his fingers as he drives, listens to the radio. None of it helps.

    The nervousness hits a peak when he has to do the walk to her front door. But then it's over and Rory has answered the door. "Hey Luke!" she says. "You look nice. Mom's almost ready, but you know how that goes."

    "I can only imagine," Luke says. "So, are you and Jess hanging out tonight?"

    "Yeah," she says. "I think we'll go see a movie or something." She looks a little sad. "We're sort of trying to spend as much time together as possible, before... you know..."

    "Before graduation, and your trip to Europe, and college and all that?"

    "Exactly."  She smiles in a brittle way. He can see she really doesn't want to talk about it.  "So, I can't believe you and Mom are finally going on a date!"

    "Finally?"

    "Well, you know... Everyone thought this would happen a lot sooner."

    "I guess your mother and I are just a little slow-witted sometimes."

    "Speak for yourself!" says Lorelai, coming down the stairs. Then she stops when she sees Luke. "Oh god," she says.

    "What?" Luke asks. But then he sees it too. She's wearing jeans and a dark blue cotton long-sleeved shirt, a black jacket draped over her arm. Granted, her jeans are a lot tighter than his, and her shirt is low-cut and long and tailored and girly, with carved black buttons and black stitching on the collar, but the shade of blue is almost the same as Luke's.

    "This," says Rory, "Is the cutest thing I've ever seen in my entire life." She looks thoughtful. "I guess cotton really is the fabric of our lives."

    "Oh, god," repeats Lorelai. Luke smiles.

    Rory is giggling now, and says "Wait, let me get the camera!"

    "Don't you dare," says Lorelai. "I should go change."

    "Why?" ask Rory and Luke at the same time.

    "Because, hello, twins?"

    "You look great," says Luke. And she does. Her hair is done up in ringlets, and her face is glowing but not obviously made up. She's wearing a choker-type necklace with black stones that sort of match the buttons of the shirt.

    "It's fine," says Rory. "No one's gonna notice who isn't us."

    "You sure?" she asks.

    "Positive."

    "All right." Lorelai turns her attention to Luke. "You do look nice," she says, smiling. "Very nice."

    "Thank you. Ready?"

***

They make painful, nervous small talk during the drive, stuff that is so pointless Luke can barely remember it five minutes later. They chat about the weather. They chat about the diner. They chat about the Inn.

    Finally, as they get into Hartford proper and are stopped at a red light, Lorelai says, "That's it, I can't take this nervous chatter thing any more, this is exhausting. And this is me talking. We need alcohol, stat. Where are you taking me?"

    Luke points at the sign on the other side of the intersection: HARTFORD MILLS MALL. Underneath it hangs a banner that reads: GRAND OPENING.

    Lorelai looks at the sign, gasps; looks at Luke, looks back at the sign.

    Then she turns to Luke and says: "Did I ever tell you you're my hero?"

***

CHAPTER SEVEN

They stand at the mall directory, looking at the restaurant listings. "Ok," says Luke. "It looks like our restaurant choices are Ruby Tuesday or the Cheesecake Factory. But I'll understand if you're overwhelmed by the lure of the food court."

    "You know, in some cultures, Chick-Fil-A is the word for God."

    "I'll keep that in mind."

    "Well, we probably can't get alcohol at the food court, so that's out. And since only one of these restaurants is named after a dessert, I think we know which one has my vote."

    So they go to the Cheesecake Factory, and it's still early enough that they have beaten the dinner rush. They are whisked to their table by the frighteningly efficient, black-clad wait staff, who all seem to have walkie-talkie headsets dangling from their ears.

    "So, you think this place is actually part of the Secret Service, or a separate government agency unto itself?" asks Lorelai.

    "I'm voting Borg," Luke says. "Because, you know, the electronics attached to their heads and all."

    "Right! And you do have that Star Trek problem."

    "Shut up. What do you want to drink?"

    "Well, the nervousness rating is still at DefCon One, so I think I'll start with a Long Island Iced Tea." She giggles. "Did you hear that? DefCon One - I made a spooky government agency joke."

    "Do me a favor and act like you don't know me when they come to take you away."

    When their waitress comes, Luke orders Lorelai's drink and a beer for himself. Only after half of Luke's beer and one-third of Lorelai's drink disappear do they finally begin to relax.

    "I can't believe we're really here," Lorelai says abruptly, after more small talk.

    "At the mall?"

    "No, silly, on a date. You and me. Isn't it kind of weird? After all this time?"

    Luke thinks about it; he thinks about giving a noncommittal answer. But the beer is buzzing around in his head, and so he tells her the truth.

    "I think it's weird that it took so long," he says, and smiles at her so it doesn't sound like an accusation. "But yeah, I know what you mean."

    "Here's the spotlight, now dance."

    "Exactly." And then Luke asks a question that's been nagging at him: "Did you really quit drinking coffee all that time?"

    "Sadly, it is true."

    "Why?" This is the one he really can't figure.

    Lorelai looks like she's thinking about it for the first time. "I guess, because...  I wanted to prove that I could live without it."

    Luke realizes that she also means without you. "How did that work out?" he asks softly.

    "I can honestly say that, other than the stretch of time right before I told my parents I was pregnant, it was the worst six weeks of my entire life."

    "I'm sorry," he says.

    "So am I," she says, and they have this silent moment that is much more honest than their flurry of apologies at Lorelai's house a week ago, and just when Luke is thinking that he might reach out across the table and hold her hand, they are interrupted by their waitress.

    "Are you all ready to order?"

    "Um," says Luke.

    "We sort of forgot to look at the menu," says Lorelai.

    "No problem, I'll get you another round of drinks."

    And so the moment is over; they look at their menus.

***

They chat over dinner; and since they've had two drinks each they're pretty relaxed; and while they're waiting for dessert, Lorelai says "By the way. Not that I'm even in the least bit complaining? But I thought you were morally opposed to malls."

    "I am. I'm making an exception. Don't get used to it."

    "Does that mean we get to actually go out into the rest of the mall so I can show you all the cool stuff that you'll probably never see again? You don't have to buy me anything and I promise I won't make you stand there while I try on clothes." Her face is all lit up and she's clearly excited. "Come on, it'll be great."

    Luke feigns indecision, even though this was pretty much his plan all along. "I suppose," he says. "But what if I want you try on clothes for me?"

    Lorelai gasps. "Why, Mr. Danes, are you suggesting that I go into, say, bebe, and try on a hundred-dollar dress that I have no intention of buying and parade around in it for you?"

    "Well, I wasn't specifically, no, but now that you mention it..."

    And then the waitress comes and sets down a huge slice of chocolate mousse cheesecake in front of Lorelai, and she gasps again and actually makes a little squeaking noise in delight. The waitress looks amused and sets down Luke's key lime pie.

    "Mmmm," says Lorelai, taking a huge forkful of cheesecake and whipped cream and inhaling it. "Best date ever."

    Luke watches her eat for a few minutes and then remembers his own dessert.

***

   Luke pays the check and they get up from their booth. On the way out of the restaurant, Lorelai stops at the to-go counter and buys another slice of cheesecake.

    "For Rory?" Luke asks as they leave the restaurant and exit into the rest of the mall.

    Lorelai laughs. "You're funny."

    "What?"

    "This is for me to eat an hour from now in the food court, as I gloat at the people who are stuck with Sbarro."

    Luke looks at her.

    "What? I'll get Rory a piece when we're leaving, so it stays cold."

    "There's something wrong with you, you know this, right?"

    "Be that as it may, I hope you don't think I'm sharing."

    "Thank god for small favors."

    And then Lorelai takes him on a walking tour of the alleged "cool" spots in the mall.

    "How do you know all this?" he asks as Lorelai explains the hidden significance of the Discovery Channel Store. "I thought this place was brand new."

    "Oh, all malls are pretty much the same. Although the West Farms mall doesn't have a Cheesecake Factory, so your instincts were dead on. Ooh, the Nature Company!" Lorelai leads him into the little store.

    "Do you realize how ridiculous this is?" Luke asks. "Coming into a huge concrete shopping mall just to shop at a corporate retail outlet that specializes in selling you "nature", instead of just freakin' going outside?"

    "Yes, dear," says Lorelai, patting his arm. "Try not to frighten the other customers."

    They wander around, looking. Luke has to admit, some of the stuff is pretty cool, like the big telescopes in the back and the fossils that you can evidently purchase for your own home enjoyment. And the nature "music" is sort of relaxing. Luke has always liked the sound of rain.

    He's still looking at the telescopes when Lorelai comes over to him a few minutes later and says "Hey, anti-capitalism boy, I bought you something!" She is grinning hugely and her eyes are shining, and Luke is reminded of the time he came into the diner one morning to find she had broken in and repainted it.

    She takes his left hand and spreads open his palm, and places a small, silvery-black stone in the center of it.

    "It's um, some kind of stone that I can't remember the name of--" she begins.

    "Hematite," Luke offers.

    "Right! See, I kept thinking "hermaphrodite" and I knew that was all wrong. Well, anyway, it's for you, as a reminder of our first date."

    "You bought me a rock?" he asks, stupidly, because he's actually rather overwhelmed and he can't think of anything else to say.

    Lorelai sighs. "It's supposed to be an emotionally symbolic gift, Luke. You know, something you carry around in your pocket for years and put on your nightstand next to your wallet every night, and..."

    Luke is still rolling the smooth stone around in his palm, and when he looks up he realizes that Lorelai looks crushed, that's he's screwed it up.

    "Sorry," he says quickly. "No one's ever really given me anything like this. I don't know what to say." On impulse, he leans in and kisses her.

    And so their third kiss ever is a soft, lingering kiss in the middle of a mall, and the touch of her lips makes weird tingles go up and down Luke's skin. After a moment he breaks the kiss and says "Thank you," looking down at the stone again.

    She smiles at him. "Better."

    As they leave the store, Luke pockets the hematite; takes Lorelai's hand and laces his fingers with hers.

***

    Lorelai has shown Luke a bunch of stores, eaten her second slice of cheesecake and had an Orange Julius and two bottles of water, and bought another piece of cheesecake for Rory. Now they're in a store called Sanrio, where Lorelai is explaining the traits of the rest of the Hello Kitty characters. Luke didn't even know there were other characters besides Hello Kitty.

    "See, Badtz-Maru is the rebel of the whole group," Lorelai says. "He's got a bad attitude." She looks thoughtful. "Kind of like the Jess of the Hello Kitty universe."

    "You're hysterical. What is it supposed to be, anyway? A crow?"

    Lorelai looks shocked. "He is a penguin, Luke. You know, Badtz-Maru could kill you for saying such a thing."  She shakes a stuffed Badtz-Maru at him threateningly.

    "Right. What's this seal character?"

    "Hana-Maru. That's Badtz-Maru's girlfriend."

    "Uh-huh."  Luke can't believe it, but he's actually getting into this. He wonders, as he has many times over the years, how it is that Lorelai has the power to make anything seem interesting.
   
    Lorelai buys some Badtz-Maru pencils ("For Rory," she insists), and they're on their way, holding hands again.

    Lorelai spots the next store before Luke does, suddenly shoves her packages and her purse into Luke's hands, says "Guess what time it is!" and runs off. Luke looks up at the sign: bebe

    "Wait, Lorelai, I was just kidding about that..."

    He sighs and follows her.

    Inside the store, a saleswoman takes pity on Luke and shows him to some chairs near the dressing rooms. Luke piles Lorelai's stuff onto an empty chair, and sits down and just relaxes for a few minutes.

    So far things are going pretty well. Lorelai seems to be having a good time, which is causing Luke to have a good time; even if he is getting a little tired of talking and faintly wishes they could be alone so could just show her how he feels. But he guesses this is part of the whole point of dating; the anticipation of whatever comes at the end of the night.
   
    And the whole "end of the night" thing is an interesting, scary subject to ponder. Luke is not inexperienced; sleeping with Nicole was fairly by-the-book, but Rachel was wild. And instructive. But for all the years he's been aching for Lorelai, he never really let himself go too far in thinking of her in a sexual way. It didn't seem right, somehow. He's a man, sure, and he's got the standard urges which he takes care of in the standard way; and sometimes he thinks of her, at the end. Never anything explicit.  But he's also, somehow, always had a very basic gut-level awareness that Lorelai is probably as gregarious and enthusiatic about sex as she is about everything else. He can just tell, by her body language and her confidence; and the way she eats; and the way she used to hug him, or touch him to get his attention, a long time ago before things got weird between them. And she's spent the week torturing him with it, with the clothes and the looks and it's pretty much pushed him over the edge into thinking of her in, well, that way. Frequently. Years of emotional tension have been replaced by a near-tangible physical tension.

    Well, at least it's a hell of a lot less angst-ridden.

    And then he's just drifting, not thinking about much, when he hears Lorelai say, "Hi, honey," in a voice that should charge by the minute. "Don't you think this would be perfect for our cruise to Barbados?"

    Luke sits up and gets a good look: Lorelai has emerged from a dressing room in the shortest little black dress he's ever seen her wear, and she's got on these black sandals with laces criss-crossing up her ankles, and the net effect is to make her legs seem about eight miles long. The dress only has thin straps and she's still wearing her black stone choker, and all that sets off the luminescent skin of her arms and shoulders. 

    As a couple of salespeople look on, she walks around in front of him a few times like she's walking a catwalk, then she comes and leans over him so they're face-to-face, incidentally giving him a pretty nice view, and winks at him and says "Well? What do you think?"

    Luke's mouth has gone dry and he has to swallow a few times before he can come up with an intelligent response, which is, "Um."

***

    "Luke," Lorelai is saying. "I know it was on clearance and all, but you didn't have to buy me the dress."

    "I know."

    "I wasn't trying to get you to buy me anything. I was just being, y'know, me."

    "I know."

    "Where are we going?" she asks, as Luke leads her by the hand down one of the side corridors of the mall.

    They pass some restrooms and payphones and such until Luke sees what he's looking for. He points to the ELEVATOR sign.

    "Here," he says.

   Her eyes are wide. She's playing innocent. "Am I in trouble?"

    "Yes."

    It takes forever for the elevator door to open. Empty. They go inside and Luke jabs the CLOSE DOOR button, takes Lorelai's bags from her and drops them on the ground.

    Then he takes her by the shoulders, and looks into her eyes for a second before he moves her up against the stainless steel elevator wall and kisses her. She doesn't even pretend to be surprised, no; she's clearly seen this coming and she meets him halfway, parting her lips and wrapping her arms around him and dragging her nails across his back. She makes small Mmmm noises as they kiss.

    Lorelai may not be surprised; but somewhere in the cognizant corners of his mind, Luke is.  He's not sure when he became the type of person who would do this kind of thing.  But there's really no time to think about this right now, because Lorelai has just bitten his lower lip lightly and dug her nails in harder, and the combination of pleasure and mild pain pretty much wipes out any linear thought he had left.

    And she's still making those little noises.
    After a few minutes, the elevator starts moving; someone must have called it from the other floor. So they separate, reluctantly; gather up the packages, smooth out their clothes. Try to catch their breath. Lorelai's face looks flushed, the way Luke's feels. The elevator stops and the door opens on a couple of women with strollers; Luke and Lorelai make their way out. Luke's heart is still pounding.

    "Well," says Lorelai. "I think the mall has outlived its amusement factor. It put up a good fight, though."

    "The competition was too stiff," he says, and then winces.

    "I noticed." She smiles and takes his hand.

    He knew there was no way in hell she was going to let that one go.

    So they find their exit to the parking lot. Luke takes the bags from Lorelai, holds them by their handles with one hand and puts the other arm around her shoulders. She leans into him. They're both quiet as they walk.

    When they get to the Jeep, Luke puts the bags in the back. Then he leans against the Jeep, and pulls Lorelai up against him. She cooperates; and then they're kissing again, and now Luke is starting to lose count of how many times they've kissed. After a minute or two, he breaks the kiss and brushes his lips against the smooth curve of her neck. She moans very, very softly.

    But then she suddenly pulls away, looks at him, takes a deep breath and another.

    "Sorry," Luke says. "Too much?"

    "Don't apologize," she says. "It's just, the parking lot and the car thing and it's a little too, you know, sixteen."

    Luke smiles at her.  "When did you become the queen of maturity?"

    She looks like she's trying to come up with a response when she suddenly flings her hands up in the air. "Ok, you're right. I'm totally sixteen. But I keep having this horrible paranoia that Emily is going to come out of nowhere, after a leisurely evening of terrorizing the Bloomie's staff, and march up to me and ask what on Earth I think I'm doing."

    "Hartford?" he asks.

    "Hartford," she agrees.

    Trouble is, thinks Luke, they don't really have anywhere to go in Stars Hollow, either. There's no way of knowing where Rory and Jess are.

    "I can't exactly tell Rory to just stay at your place with Jess," says Lorelai, apparently thinking the same thing. "That would just get too weird."

    "Yeah."

    She walks back to him, and reaches her arms up around his neck, so he just hugs her.  And he can't help thinking: This is their first intimate, uncomplicated hug.

    It's almost better than the kissing.

    She laughs, suddenly, against his collarbone. "You know, it's funny, Jess and Rory are probably having this same conversation, trying to figure out whose house we're going to go back to.  I never really thought about how to handle this part."

    "I didn't either."

    "A motel would be sort of seedy," she says.

    "Plus, it could get expensive."

    She looks at him and her eyes glint. "Very expensive," she says, and kisses him. But she stops before things get intense again, and pulls back, holding on to his hands.

    "Well," she says. "Sounds like we're just going to have to wait until Rory moves out and go to college." She laughs at the expression on Luke's face. "Come on, after all this, what's another couple of months?"

***

CHAPTER EIGHT

Luke takes Lorelai home after their date. They arrive at her house, and get out of the Jeep. Luke walks to his truck parked nearby. Lorelai follows, and they kiss for a moment, in the quiet darkness.

    "Hey, I have an idea," says Lorelai. "I'll go in, and if Rory's not home yet, I'll turn the porch light off and on once."

    "And if she is home?"

    "Then I won't do anything."

    "Wouldn't it make more sense just to come out and get me if she's not here?"
   
    "Sure, take all the fun out of it."

    "You could do your little morse code trick if she is home. That make you happy?"
   
    "Ecstatic!"

    "Ok, I'll wait here for the signal then," Luke says, smiling.

    "Ok, do you have your poison tooth ready to go?"

    "Huh?"

    "You know - your cyanide-loaded tooth. In case you get captured by enemy forces." She looks at him askance. "Duh."

    "That's very Reagan-era of you."

    She reaches up and kisses him again, "Just in case this is goodnight," she says.

    Luke waits in his truck because he doesn't want to look like a stalker. Before he even has a chance to get antsy, Lorelai is back, standing by his window.

    "It's not goodnight," she says, and suddenly looks a little nervous. "I mean - do you want to come in for a little while?"

    "Sure," he says, and he tries to sound casual. He doesn't really know where this is going. Rory is still an issue. An issue with no obvious solution.

    Still...

    They don't make it much past the front door; he has barely hung up his jacket when Lorelai moves towards him, and he moves towards her, and then things spin rapidly out of control.
   
    Their fifth kiss? Seventh? Whatever.

    They're starting to get more used to each other now, fitting their bodies together more naturally as they stand and kiss. More closely. Less wasted space between them. And as it becomes more comfortable, and less awkward, it becomes more...

    Lorelai, forearms slung up around Luke's neck, suddenly breaks their kiss, seems to be probing the muscles of his neck and shoulders with her fingers while Luke tries to catch his breath.

    "My god, Luke," she says, a concerned look on her face, "Your neck muscles are like elevator cables."

    "Huh?"

    "Your muscles. They're all knotted. Doesn't that hurt?"

    Luke shrugs. He hadn't noticed.

    Still poking at him, Lorelai says "All right. That's it. Come here."

    She leads him into the living room, where she moves aside the coffee table, leaving a big empty space by the sofa. She frowns at the hardwood floor, then leaves the room and comes back with a sleeping bag.

    "Ok, I don't want to know why you actually own a sleeping bag, do I?" he asks.

    She glances at him smiles and says "Probably not." And he realizes: Alex. Mr. Outdoors. Oops.

    Oh well. He watches her spread out the sleeping bag, a bit mystified. She throws down some spare cushions from the couch, turns off a couple of lights until it's pleasantly dim without being dark. Then she sits down, cross-legged, and points to a spot  in front of her. "Sit," she says. "Face away from me."

    Luke recognizes the tone of voice, doesn't argue. He sits down on the sleeping bag, his back to her.

    And then he feels small feminine hands hesitantly, then firmly kneading the muscles running along the tops of his shoulders, the sides of his neck.  Trapezius? Rhomboids? He can't remember what they're called. But he realizes now they were really tensed up, and he didn't even know.

    She keeps rubbing, somehow she finds all the knots, and it hurts and feels good at the same time in the way that only muscles can. Well, really, really good, actually. She digs her thumb gently into another knot, and Luke makes an Mmmmm sound, like Lorelai with her cheesecake - like Lorelai with other things - and this seems to please her. "Feel good?" she asks.

    "Mmm-hmmm."

    But it feels better than good. As Lorelai massages away years of knotted muscles that Luke didn't even know he had, he feels something else. It's not a sex thing. Rather, a feeling of peace washes over him. And while it seems too cliché to be true, there's no other word for it. It reminds Luke of when he got his wisdom teeth out and accidentally took two of the painkillers the dentist had given him instead of one, thinking it was like aspirin; he feels warm and floaty and euphoric and relaxed.

    Aside from that one time, this feeling is completely unfamiliar to Luke. He suddenly remembers Rachel talking about anthropology once, how important human touch was to the species.  Something about endorphins.  And bonding.  He never really got what she was talking about. Now he does.

    "How did you learn to do this?" he asks.

    "Oh, Rory and I used to pretend we were Swedish masseuses named Olga and Helga, and practice on each other. We had this big plan where we were going to become professional masseuses for rock stars."
   
    "Sounds a little sordid -- Ahh," he says, as she works loose another bundle of tightly-wound muscle. "But you're really good at it."
   
    "Nah," she says, dismissively. "I just know what it feels like. I store all my tension in the same muscles."

    He twists around a little to look at her. "I can take a hint," he says. "Turn around?"

    "Can I call you Bjorn?"

    "If you must."

    So they switch positions. Lorelai's dark hair is cascading down between her shoulderblades, so Luke has to sweep it aside gently.  Lorelai shivers.

    Luke begins rubbing her shoulders in the same way, in the same places, very softly, because she suddenly seems very small and he doesn't want to hurt her.  But she says "You can rub a little harder," so he pushes his thumbs in harder, and is rewarded with Mmmm...

     Her muscles don't seem that tense, but she definitely seems to be enjoying it, keeps making cheesecake noises. "Nice, strong hands..." she mumbles. "I think I'm keeping you, Bjorn."

    Luke doesn't argue.

    After a few minutes, Lorelai sighs deeply, and says "Thanks, that was awesome."

    "Sure."  He stops rubbing her shoulders, and he expects her to turn around, but instead she leans back into him.

    So he puts his arms around in front of her, inadvertently brushing the soft swell of her right breast with his forearm. And then they sit there;   Luke is entranced by the feeling of Lorelai breathing in his arms.

    But after a moment, she disengages and lies back on the sleeping bag, a throw cushion under her head.  She looks up at Luke.  "Lie down," she says.

    "But, Rory..."
   
    "Shh, don't worry about it. I just want to talk. We're going to remain fully clothed."

    "Oh."
   
    "You sound disappointed," she says, grinning at him.

    "No comment."  

    So they both lie there on their backs, staring up at the ceiling. It feels a little awkward until Lorelai reaches over and holds his hand.

    "What do you want to talk about?" Luke asks.

    "Well, there's something I've been wanting to ask you, but I'm afraid it might be too weird."

    "Boxers," he says, and she laughs.

    "Thanks for the info," she says. "But it's something else."

    "Go ahead, ask."

    Lorelai is silent for a moment, then says: "How long have you felt... this way about me?"

    Luke takes a deep breath. He feels a little edge of panic. He wasn't expecting this. He really doesn't want to tell her the truth. He's silent, trying to come up with a plausible lie, and Lorelai says "I'm sorry. Forget I asked."

    And just the fact that she is asking, and apologizing, makes Luke realize that she probably already knows.

    So he continues to stare at the ceiling, and says aloud the thing he's never admitted to anyone, barely admitted to himself.

    "Years," he says.

    Lorelai squeezes his hand. They still don't look at each other.

    "Before Rachel came back," she says carefully.

    Luke sighs. "It's why she left."

    He hears Lorelai's sharp intake of breath. Then she rolls over, up against his side, puts her head on his shoulder.  She feels so warm next to him. She puts an arm over his chest;  Luke encircles her with his own arms. And they lie there a moment quietly. It feels strangely illicit; there is something much more intimate about lying together like this than kissing, no matter how passionate the kiss. She has a leg thrown over his, and he can feel her breasts against his ribcage every time she breathes. It's very distracting.

    Until Lorelai whispers, almost in his ear: "I'm sorry, Luke. I didn't know. About Rachel."

    Luke just  holds her a little tighter; shrugs.
   
    "And I'm sorry it took so long," she says.

    "Why did it?" he asks. "When did you decide?"

    Lorelai sighs. "I don't know when I decided, per se. It was this thing that was always in the back of my head, and people were always pointing it out to me, and I was just in total denial.  It scared me so much.  I don't even know why.  So I just didn't think about it. And then you were with Nicole, and I was jealous. And I felt stupid for feeling jealous, for thinking that you would always be there for me, whenever I figured out what I wanted. So I was with Alex one night, and I had just spent twenty minutes explaining why I didn't think Nicole was right for you..."  Her voice trails off, and she sighs again, heavily.

    "And that was the night," he says. "The night you had me come over."

    "It wasn't one of my better plans," she says, and laughs. "But I think we've already established that."
 
    "But that was when you realized how you felt?"

    She is silent for a moment. "No," she says.

    "When?" he persists. "Come on, I showed you mine."

    "It's stupid."

    "Tell me."

    Lorelai sighs. "Remember when you came to Rory's birthday party a couple of years ago? And you brought the ice? And I hugged you?"

    Luke remembers, all right. "Yep."

    "It just felt so... right. It was so weird, it was just a hug, but..."

    "I know."

    "Then my mother noticed and commented on it, and that was enough to stick me into denial for a good year or so. Because, god forbid I let Emily Gilmore be right about something." She laughs.  "And after that, there was Max. And Christopher. And then you and I got in that terrible fight over the car accident, and I was afraid things would never be right between us again... And once we were friends again, I still just wasn't ready." She pulls her head away from his so she can look into his eyes. "Were you ready before now? Really?"

    Luke thinks about it. He thinks about Rachel coming back, and about Nicole, and the ways those two experiences changed him. "No," he says, "I guess I wasn't."
    He kisses Lorelai's forehead.

    "Well," she says. "Maybe things really do happen for a reason. Who knew."
   
    ***

    Luke wakes up, disoriented. There's something warm bundled up against him, and he has the feeling of being watched. He opens his eyes.

    He is lying on his side on the sleeping bag on Lorelai's living room floor. With his arms around Lorelai, from behind, her back nestled against his chest. Until a moment ago, his face was buried in her hair. Lorelai is evidently still asleep, breathing deeply.

    They must have fallen asleep together on the floor. This isn't good.

    He looks up. Rory is standing there looking down at them, chewing on her lower lip. "Um, hi.." she says softly.

    Luke's pulse kicks into overdrive. He quickly disengages from Lorelai, trying not to disturb her. She makes a small whimpering sound, but doesn't wake up.

    He gets to his feet, looks at Rory sheepishly. Rory holds a finger up to her lips, then covers up Lorelai with an afghan from the sofa, turns the lights out. She gestures for Luke to follow her, and walks into the kitchen.

    In the kitchen, Rory is pouring herself a glass of water. Luke leans uneasily against the cabinets. "Sorry about this," he says, in hushed tones. "We just fell asleep. We didn't mean for you to walk in on it."

    "No, I'm sorry. I know things are a little weird, with you and Mom and me and Jess. Although, I'm not sure I want to know the story behind the sleeping bag." She smiles.

    He returns the smile. "It was more innocent than you'd think."

    "Well, I should have just gone to bed and let you two alone instead of just standing there staring. It was just..." She looks uncertain.

    "Yeah?"

    "Well, it took me a minute to figure out what I was seeing and then..." She trails off again, obviously choosing her words. She looks at the floor, then looks up at Luke, directly. "I've seen Mom with other guys before. Not a lot," she says quickly, "But a couple. Max and Dad. And Alex. I've never seen her look so... trusting."
 
    "Well," says Luke uncertainly, "She was asleep."

    "I know, but I can tell. She totally lets her guard down around you. Or else she would have never fallen asleep out there in the first place. With Alex especially, it always seemed like she was just acting out a role."

    Luke knows the feeling.

    "And you two looked so... comfortable together. I mean, aside from the floor part." Rory smiles at him again.

    "So you're ok with this?" Luke asks. "With us? Me and your Mom?"

    "Yeah," she says. "I'm really happy for you guys and I hope things work out. And..."

    "Yeah?"

    Rory looks almost desperate. "I need you to take care of her," she says. "When I go to college. You know?" She frowns. "You don't know how bad things were, when you two weren't speaking." 

    Luke understands now; and understands why Rory is being so unusually forward with him.

    "I would have anyway, Rory." he says. "Even if we hadn't... gotten together. You know that."

    She nods at him. "I know. But it's better, like this."

    They stand there a moment, and Luke asks "How are things with you and Jess?"

    Rory sighs. "Honestly? I'm not sure. I think there was something wrong tonight, but he wouldn't tell me what."

    "He's probably nervous about you going off to college."

    "I guess," she says, looking dubious. "I'm sure it'll be fine."
   
    "Yeah," says Luke, making a mental note to whack Jess upside the head next time he sees him. "Well, I'd better get going. I'll see you tomorrow if you two come in for breakfast."

    "Ok. Night."

***

    When Luke gets home, he sees that there is a light on upstairs. Jess must still be up. Luke starts preparing the You need to treat Rory better speech as he walks up the stairs. But then he sees Jess, who is holding a single sheet of creased paper and sort of staring through it.

    He sees the look on Jess's face.

    "Hey," Luke says. "What's that?'

    "It's a letter. A letter I got earlier today."

    From who?

    "My father."
 
***

CHAPTER NINE

Lorelai comes into Luke's on Wednesday night after the dinner rush has emptied out. Luke is surprised; it is an unusual time for her to come in. She was already in after work today.

    And to make things a little stranger, she's wearing a long black coat, tied closed, and high heels.  And she's got an evil-Lorelai glint in her eye.  Luke watches her carefully as she walks up to the empty counter and takes a seat.

    He walks around the counter, leans against the stool next to hers.

    "Hello," he says. "Anything going on?"

    "You mean, why am I here at almost ten on a weeknight?"

    "Something like that."

    Lorelai glances behind her at the two customers remaining at one of the window tables, back at Luke.

    "Well," she says, "I just wanted to tell you that Rory will be out of town this weekend, visiting her father and her new half-sister and her future stepmother. I'll have the house all to myself. But since you haven't asked me out on a second date yet, I thought I'd show you what I'll be wearing to dinner with Kirk."  She unties the coat's belt, lets it fall open a little. She is wearing the little black dress Luke bought her last weekend, her ivory legs crossed demurely as she perches on the barstool. Luke just stares. Lorelai grins. Luke has barely taken in the vision before she shrugs the coat closed again, ties the belt, and stands up.

    "Bye now!" she says, still grinning, and starts to walk away.

    Luke's a little startled; not enough to let her get away with it. "Lorelai!" he calls at her retreating back.

    She turns.  "Yes?" she asks, all innocence and raised eyebrows.

    "Can I talk to you in back for a minute?" He gestures with a thumb over his shoulder.

    "About what?" She takes a step closer.   

    "I just want to talk you in back," he says. "For a minute."

    Lorelai looks at her watch, makes a clicking sound with her tongue. "I don't know, Luke. I should get home. Rory will worry. Oh! And I should really call Kirk and make sure he's made us reservations for someplace nice this weekend."

    "I promise, it'll be fast. I certainly wouldn't want to get in the way of your blossoming romance."

    Lorelai sighs. "All right."

    She follows him back into the storeroom. Once there, she crosses her arms, still feigning innocence. "Well?"

    She starts to say more, but Luke silences her by taking her by the shoulders and kissing her. She stiffens for a moment, but then the innocent act is gone and she responds quite nicely, and somehow the coat has come untied and is sort of falling off her bare shoulders. And so Luke breaks away from Lorelai's lips and tongue, and instead trails kisses down her neck to her collarbone. She gasps softly, turns her head away to give him better access. His lips feel goosebumps rising on her skin and he feels her nails digging into his back. Aha, thinks Luke. The neck is clearly a weak spot. This is important information to have. 

    And so he continues kissing her neck, just using his lips at first; then the slightest touch of his teeth. She Mmmms. And he realizes he can feel her nipples brushing against his chest, and then he knows for sure they really need to stop. Someone is going to hear them, or walk in. That, and they've almost knocked over one of the storage shelves.

    And he stops biting her neck, and they separate by six or eight inches as he leans against a shelf and Lorelai leans against him.

    "So," says Luke, in between breaths, "You busy this weekend?"

***

    So they make plans for Saturday, but Luke doesn't tell Lorelai the real reason he didn't ask her sooner: He's been distracted, thinking about Jess and the letter from his father.

    Jess doesn't want to talk about it, won't tell Luke what's in the letter, just broods and broods. Luke has a bad, nauseating feeling about it. He knows these stories all  follow a common theme: Long-lost parent wants to meet the kid they abandoned. And Make It All Up to them. And it makes Luke angry. Where was this guy all along? Luke's gotten Jess through a year now, a year that's had a few bad spots, but has on the whole been a lot less painful than it might have been. The kid works a couple of jobs, he's stopped the petty vandalism, doesn't have a drug problem that Luke knows of, he's more interested in reading than almost anything, and he's won the heart of Rory Gilmore.  And now that Luke has spent all this time and effort trying to turn the kid into something resembling a functional human being, his "biological" father is going to come along and...

    Luke stares down at the counter. He realizes he's been standing here for fifteen minutes, fists clenched.

    There's no point worrying about something that hasn't happened yet. Right?

    He locks the diner's front door and goes to bed.

***

    Lorelai comes in Friday night, lateish.

    "Hey lady, we're closed," says Luke.  "Read the sign."

    But instead of getting indignant or backtalking him, Lorelai just marches up to the counter, thunks down her purse and keys.

    "Luuuke," she whines. "I'm bored."

    "Rory's already left town, eh?"

    "Yes. I had to have dinner with Richard and Emily alone. And then I had to spend an hour explaining why I was allowing Rory to spend the weekend with "that awful woman"."

    "Sounds grim."

    "I was forced to pretend I was choking to death on a piece of asparagus just to get them to shut up about it."

    "Uh-huh." Luke is never sure how much of these stories are true.

    "The maid actually tried to perform the Heimlich maneuver on me," Lorelai continues.

    "Uh-huh."

    "But I started laughing and ruined the whole act."

    "I bet your folks weren't amused."

    Lorelai grins. "Neither was Claudette."

    "Claudette?"

    "The maid."

    "Ah."

    "I think she was just trying to cop a feel anyway."

    Luke blinks and shakes his head. "Right. So, what can I do to alleviate your boredom?" He leans over the counter towards her. "You know, as a restaurant professional, I am fully trained in the Heimlich manuever."

    She smirks at him. "I'll keep that in mind."

    He gets her a cup of coffee, and she thanks him, takes a long sip.

    "Luke," she begins.

    "Hmm?"

    "I know our next official date isn't until tomorrow but..."

    "Yeah?"

    "Do you want to come over tonight? For a little while? I mean, I know you have to get up early and open the diner, so we'll have to shotgun beers another time, but..."

    Luke nods. "Don't want to be alone in the house?"

    She looks at him, cocks her head. "That's not it," she says. "I just want you to come over."

    Luke stops refilling the salt shaker, and Lorelai continues: "I know we see each other practically every day, in the diner, and we've talked on the phone a couple of times this week, and boy does that make me feel fifteen again, but... this once-a-week thing thing isn't enough. You know?"

    He does know, but since he's a guy it's not something he feels comfortable expressing in depth.

    "Sure," he says. "Just let me finish up here and grab a shower."

***

    It's a nice night, it's really warmed up in the last couple of days, and after he has showered and thrown on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, Luke walks to Lorelai's house. He's in a good mood. It would be impossible for him not to be in a good mood. All week long - when he hasn't been worrying about the Jess situation - he's been either missing Lorelai horribly, or seeing her in the diner and not really being able to touch her. And now they get to spend some time alone, and a day earlier than expected. He's a little nervous, and conscious of the condom in his wallet, but he's trying not to make any assumptions about anything, just looking forward to seeing her. Really, he'd be perfectly content spending another evening sleeping with her on the living room floor, if it came down to it.

    Lorelai answers the door wearing a blue tank top and shorts.  "Hey," she says. "Fancy meetin' you here." She looks him up and down. "Wow."

    "Hi. What?"

    "I'm not used to you seeing wear anything with short sleeves. Nice arms."

    "Oh. Thanks, I grew them myself."

    "You're welcome. Come in."

    He follows her into the living room, sees that the coffee table is back to normal and the sleeping bag is gone. Oh well. He sits down.

    "Want a beer?" she asks.

    "Sure. That'd be good."

    She comes back with two beers, hands him one.  They both take swallows; set their beers down on the coffee table.   

    "Thanks for coming over," says Lorelai.

    "Thanks for inviting me." Then he musters up the courage to say, "I've missed you this week."

    Lorelai smiles at him; her real, pleased smile. She leans over and kisses him once, just a peck. "I know what you mean," she says.  Then she gets her mischievious look. "And my neck has missed you too. I slept wrong last night. Do you think you could rub it for me again? I promise not to fall asleep this time."

    "So you admit you were the one who fell asleep first?"

    "Shut up and rub my neck."

    She twists around on the couch so that her back is to him; leans over on the arm of the couch.

    "Slave driver." Luke brushes aside her hair and begins to massage the muscles of her neck and shoulders.

    "Mmmm... Perfect. I knew there was a reason I was keeping you around all this time."

    "I thought it had more to do with coffee and fried dough products."

    "The list just keeps getting longer. Mmmmmm."

    He keeps rubbing, finds the knotted muscle on the side of her neck, manages to loosen it up a bit. "You really did sleep on this wrong, didn't you?"

    "Did you think I was making it up?"

    "Well..."

    She laughs. "If I just wanted you to touch me, would I need to make up an excuse?"

    She's got a point "I guess not."   

    Her hair falls back in his way again, and he brushes it aside a second time, exposing the back of her neck.

    Lorelai shivers.

    "Not that I don't want you to..." she says.

    And Luke cannot help himself; he leans over and brushes his lips against the nape of her neck, and she gasps and stiffens. He slides a hand around in front of her, spreads his palm across her flat stomach, just below her breasts, and pulls her back closer to him.

    "Oh, Claudette, harder," says Lorelai softly.
  
    Luke laughs softly against her neck.
   
    But then she says, more seriously: "Hey, I didn't say you could stop."

    So he kisses the back of her neck, then the side, then just below her earlobe, while her breathing becomes sharper. He kisses along her collarbone, still slowly but with increasing pressure. Her whole body is tensed, like she's waiting for something, and so he tries biting again, like the other night in the storeroom. Not hard enough to leave a mark, but hard enough for her to know. And she makes a noise somewhere between a moan and a yelp.

    Ah, yes. He hasn't forgotten how to do this.

    He continues, alternating between kissing and biting her neck softly, randomly so she doesn't know which is coming, and she's sort of writhing back against him, clinging to his arm around her waist, and there's a note of disbelief in her moans, like she can't quite believe Luke is making her feel this way.  Gotta watch out for us loners, thinks Luke. We can surprise you sometimes. She moans a little louder, and Luke holds her tighter, bites a tiny bit harder.

    And then it seems she can't take it anymore, because she turns around and reaches for him and buries her tongue in his mouth, sucks his tongue into hers, and now he's breathing as hard as she is. She breaks the kiss, pushes him back so he's sitting back on the couch, then climbs onto his lap, straddling him. Her bare thighs are warm against his denim-clad ones. "Payback time," she whispers, and kisses his neck, upwards; then exhales softly into his ear, sending a hurricane of shivers down every inch of his skin. And he steels himself for the assault, figuring she's going return the neck biting, but instead she sits back a little, looks into his eyes, catches her breath.

    Then she takes his right hand in both of hers, brings it up to her mouth. She kisses his palm softly and wetly, which causes another, unfamiliar wave of shivers. And then, never breaking eye contact, she takes his index finger and slowly sucks it into her mouth, sliding it across across her tongue.

    Luke opens his mouth and takes a swallow of air. His eyes unfocus a little.

    She withdraws his finger most of the way, runs the tip of her tongue across his fingertip.

    This is really, really, really unfair.

    She sucks his finger back into her mouth, and neither of them are doing so hot with the breathing, and she's rubbing against him as she straddles him, in a way that really makes him wish they weren't so clothed. And there's not much he can do but sit there and take it.

    Then Lorelai takes Luke's free hand, currently resting on her hip, and places it on her breast.

    Luke brushes his thumb across the fabric covering her nipple, looks up at her.

    She leans over and breathes into his ear again. "Now," she whispers in answer to his unspoken question. "Tonight."

***

    He's never been in her bedroom before, but he's  too distracted to take in any of the little details, because Lorelai is pulling him down onto the bed. And then there is the matter of buttons and zippers and bra hooks to deal with, all of which are unusually cooperative, as though the universe has specifically sanctioned this event.

    When they're both naked under her blanket in her unmade bed, she stops kissing him long enough to ask, "Is this all right?" and there is enough light spilling in from the hallway that Luke can see she looks worried, like maybe she's going too fast for him.

    He doesn't think any spoken answer would be enough, so he just reaches up and strokes her cheek gently with his fingertips, runs the ball of his thumb along her lower lip, and goes back to kissing her. Their kissing is pretty much fully compatible by this point; and right now it's very wet and free-form.

    Luke realizes his wallet is somewhere in his jeans on the floor just before Lorelai breaks the kiss again, and turns over and rummages in her nightstand drawer.

    "One little foil-wrapped spontaneity-killer coming right up," she says, with a grin, handing it to him.

    And strangely, that turns out to be the only joke she makes. Luke always figured that making love to Lorelai the first time would involve lots of nervous little jokes to defuse the awkwardness. Maybe a striptease. Some sparklers. A theme song.

    But they both seem to be caught up in a serious scary intensity, like they're on a rollercoaster cresting that first huge drop, and it's all beyond their control now; all they can do is hold on.

    Like they're falling into deep, deep water.

    Luke expected this from himself because he's been in love with her for years; but he didn't expect it from Lorelai, who treats almost nothing with reverence. But there it is: in between kisses, and while he puts on the damned condom, she looks just as scared and intense and passionate as Luke feels. And then he remembers Rory's words: She totally lets her guard down around you.

    And then he gets it. It's so obvious, he cant believe he never saw it before, a forest-for-the-trees thing: The jokes and the babbling are Lorelai's defense mechanisms, the way she copes with the world, the way she stays sane and the way she keeps things--and people--at arms' length when she doesn't want to deal with them. 

    And right now, she's dropped all that. For him.

    She's letting him see the real Lorelai, the person underneath the wall of jokes, and she knows he sees it; and then the emotional and the physical intensity get all tangled up with each other, something Luke never more than half-believed actually happened for anyone during sex. And he just wants to be inside her.

    And once he is, all the way, even though she has wrapped her arms around his shoulderblades and her legs around the backs of his knees, he wants to be closer. It doesn't feel like they can get close enough; it's just not physically possible.

    But they try.

    They take what they can get.

***

    Afterwards, after Lorelai has put on Luke's t-shirt and gone and fetched ice cream and glasses of water, and started making jokes again, Luke sits next to her on the edge of the bed and all of a sudden it all just comes out: The thing with Jess and the letter and his real father and how scared Luke is of what's going to happen. And while he's talking she pulls him gently back into bed, under the blankets. And she holds him and listens, and murmurs words of reassurance.

    And then they lie in the darkness and talk about other things, and joke around; and when she gets too uppity he takes a shot at tickling her, and hey, she does put up a good fight.

    And as Luke falls asleep, Lorelai's back fitted nicely against his chest and his face nuzzled against her neck, he thinks to himself that Lorelai's bed is just the right size.

***

CHAPTER TEN

One Month Later...

    Luke and Lorelai lie in Lorelai's bed, both breathing raggedly, after a couple of hours of unexpected privacy.

    "Well, Mr. Danes, you still seem to be able to surprise me," Lorelai says, rolling over to lay her head on his chest.

    "Repeatedly," Luke observes, running his fingers through her damp hair.

    She laughs. "How can you tell?"

    "By counting the scratch marks on my back."

    Lorelai laughs again. "Is this like counting the rings in a tree to see how old it is?"

    "No, it's actually nothing like that at all, but thanks for playing."

    "Aw, you're no fun."

    "Again, my back begs to differ."

    "Roll over and let me see," she says.
   
    So he does, and he hears her little gasp. "Yikes. I did that?"

    "No. A very quiet, very angry cat snuck into the room while we were distracted."

    "Eep. Sorry about that."

    He rolls back over. "It's no big deal," he says. "Although, I don't want to hear any jokes about males marking their territory for a long time."

    What he doesn't bother telling her is that he got a pretty light dose tonight. Especially compared to that time at his place, when Jess was in New York for the weekend... And he also doesn't tell her that he really doesn't mind it, being marked by her, because the slight stinging in the shower when the hot water hits his back just reminds him of her and these rare moments they get to spend utterly alone.

    Which will be less of a rarity soon; Rory's graduation ceremony was two weeks ago. She'll be moving to a dorm at Yale towards the end of the summer. But before that happens...

    "I wish you and Rory weren't going on that stupid trip," says Luke, for the hundred thousandth time.

    Lorelai groans. "It's time to have this conversation again?" She holds up a wrist, pretends to check an invisible watch. "Oh, my mistake. It has been three hours since the last installment."

    Tomorrow, Luke and Lorelai and Jess and Rory will drive to New York.  There, Lorelai and Rory will catch a flight from La Guardia to Heathrow. And spend a month in Europe on their insane backpacking trip.

    "I just don't understand why you want to go to Europe in the middle of this mess the world's in right now," Luke says.

    "The world's always in a mess," says Lorelai, propping herself up on one elbow and smiling at him. "Besides, I told you, we're going to do like Eddie Izzard says and tell people we're Canadian."

    Luke sighs. Doesn't she get it? I don't think I could keep breathing if something happened to you, so soon after we finally...

    He can't bring himself to even say it out loud.

    But maybe she does get it, because she wraps herself around him like a blanket and says, "I'll be fine. I'm coming back. I promise."

    Then she sits up again and grins at him, her eyes glittering. "You clearly need some distraction," she says, reaching under the covers. "I think it's time for you to surprise me again."

***

    Lorelai and Rory chatter away to each other excitedly during the drive to New York. Luke and Jess sit in a stony silence the Gilmores pretend not to notice.

    Luke gets short-term parking at the hell that is La Guardia, and they get as close to the Virgin Atlantic terminal as they can without making the security guards jumpy. Rory and Jess wander a few yards away to say their own goodbyes without the old folks listening in.

    Lorelai faces Luke. "Well, I guess this is it for a few weeks," she says, looking cheerful and nonchalant and probably hoping Luke will follow her lead and not freak out in the middle of the airport, causing some sort of scene.

   He pulls her close to him and says, "Listen, Lorelai..."

    I love you, he thinks, but he just can't say it, because he has a sudden fear that the first time he says it could end up being the last. And the oddly superstitious feeling freezes the words in his throat.

    Lorelai looks at him and smiles, as though nothing is wrong, as though she is not about to fly halfway around the world from him, where he can't protect her from anything. And when she realizes he isn't going to speak, she says, with absolute conviction, 'It's all right. You can tell me when I get back."

***

    On the drive back from La Guardia, Luke listens to the radio and Jess reads and they both pretend that absolutely nothing is wrong.

***

    The month Lorelai and Rory are gone is not the worst Luke has ever spent, not by a long shot. But it's no damn fun at all. He starts reading the World News section of the paper compulsively; watches the steady ticker-drone of bad news on CNN constantly. He tries to keep track of where they are, but they had no specific itinerary and Lorelai only calls every five or six days.

    One day Luke's going through the mail, like he does every day now, checking for postcards or other signs that Lorelai and Rory are still alive and haven't been kidnapped and sold into white slavery. Instead he finds a letter to Jess. From Jess's father. It's the third one so far. They come bearing a California postmark.

    Luke sighs and feels his blood pressure rising. He pockets the letter, unopened.

    Later that night, after closing, he tosses the letter down on the coffee table in front of Jess. "You ever going to tell me what this is all about?"

    He sees Jess getting ready to play typical surly Jess word games with him, so he interrupts. "Jess, just tell me. Ok? I've got a right to know."

    Jess throws his head back against the couch cushions, stares up at the ceiling. "He wants to get to know me."

    "Yeah, well, maybe he should have stuck around a little longer."

    "Maybe so."

    They are quiet a few moments, and then Jess says "He wants me to come to California."

    Luke nods. He's had a feeling this was coming. "He wants to make it all up to you," he says, trying to hide the bitterness in his voice. "You gonna do it?"

    "I don't know yet," says Jess.

    "You told Rory any of this yet?"

    "No."

    "Are you gonna tell me, when you decide?"

    "Yeah." And their eyes meet a moment and the truth of it is there in front of them, and they both pretend otherwise, and they both find other things that suddenly, urgently need doing.
 
***

    Luke wants to see Lorelai the moment she gets back in the country, but this time she and Rory are taking a puddlejumper from LaGuardia to Bradley International in Hartford. So he's saved the longer drive, but the anticipation is somehow worse; knowing she's back but not quite home.

    At Bradley, he and Jess wait and watch the streams of travellers coming out of the terminal. Luke realizes he's never picked up anyone he loves at an airport before, and it's a weird feeling. It's like being a little kid again, like he's waiting for a present and he has no control over when he gets it, he just has to wait. And wait. And wait.

    At first he doesn't recognize them from a distance because they're both wearing bandanas over their hair and their faces are tanned. But he hears Lorelai's excited voice, and Rory's, and then Lorelai spots him and squeals and drops her rolling suitcase right in someone's path, but Luke doesn't care because she runs and jumps into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist, just like something out of a damn movie.

    And so he holds her there and they hug as he twirls her around a little, and the line of people parts and goes around them, grumbling.

    Then he sets her on her feet again, and she looks up at him with sparkling eyes and says "Coffee."

    "I missed you too," he says, smiling. "Hey, Rory," he says to Rory, who has disengaged from Jess now. And Rory surprises him by hugging him, and Luke is reminded of how paternal he feels about her, too, when Jess isn't busy burning up of all his parenting energy. He's been worrying about how Rory is going to take it, if Jess leaves.

    He grabs Lorelai's bags and they all leave the terminal. "So? How was it?" he asks as they ride an escalator. "Just give me the capsule version for now."

    "Let's just say you should now refer to me as  Miz Lorelai Gilmore, International Jet-Setter."

    "Uh-huh."

    Lorelai sighs, looks around. "Hartford International just seems so small now. At least La Guardia has that certain je ne sais quois. But it's good to be home." She looks at Rory. "Ne c'est pas?"
   
    Jess asks Rory, "Does she have any idea at all what she's even saying?"

    "Not really," says Rory. "But she's spent all week practicing, so be nice."
 
***

    Evidently Lorelai has gotten over the "weird" factor, because she explains to Luke that he's staying at her house the night they get back from Europe. She brushes off his questions about Rory with "She's eighteen." Eighteen, and, Luke assumes, with Jess.

    Luke's only gotten to sleep with Lorelai a few times, so he quickly runs out of protest.

    At her house, he sits on the couch while she unpacks a really bewildering array of souveniers and gifts. Soon he's got a pile of small boxes of chocolates from various countries, refrigerator magnets shaped like European landmarks, a couple of t-shirts, lots of matchbooks, and a bottle of something called HP Sauce.

    "What's this?" he asks, holding up the bottle.

    "I don't know, but they had it in every pub we ate at in England, so I figure you need some in the diner."

    "What if it becomes wildly popular and then I run out since I've only got the one bottle?'

    "It'll be funny to watch people riot over it. Kirk will probably burn you in effigy."

    And then she moves Luke's presents to the coffee table and sits down next to him on the couch, leaning into him. He strokes her hair.

    "I missed you so much," she says.

    "I missed you too," he says, and it's becoming easier and easier to say this sort of thing. "But you had a good time?"

    "I had an unbelievable time. I'm so glad I got to do this with Rory." Then she stares at the carpet. "You know I'm going to be a total basket case after she's gone, right?"

    "And this would be different from your normal mental state how?" he asks, grinning, because he's not ready to talk about children leaving just yet.

    She pokes him in the ribs. "Watch it, mister. I could revoke my invitation to spend the night."

    "You're bluffing," he says.

    "How do you know?"

    Instead of answering, he pulls her onto his lap and begins kissing her neck.

    "Mmmm.... All right, I'm bluffing," she says.
   
    And then she leads him up the stairs. He expects her to be too tired, after the long flight and since her brain is in a different time zone, but she isn't.

    Well, she's too tired to leave any scratches. But it's still nice; they go slow, and they spend a long time just kissing, and they've been apart so long it all feels brand-new again.

    After Lorelai is asleep and breathing deeply, Luke whispers "I love you."
   
***    
   
    A couple of days later, at the diner, Jess comes downstairs and Luke can see it on his face.

    "You're leaving," he says to Jess.

    Jess says nothing.

    "Aren't you?" Luke asks.

    "I was gonna tell you tonight," says Jess. "We don't have to do this right now."

    "It's already done," says Luke. "Isn't it?"

    Jess sighs and reaches into his back pocket. He hands Luke a folded-up letter.

    Luke unfolds it. He ignores the letter itself, because wrapped inside it is a one-way plane ticket to California.

    Luke hands it back to Jess. Then he walks out of the diner, right in the middle of the lunch rush.

    "Uncle Luke?" he hears Jess call.

    He keeps walking.

***

    He walks all the way to the Independence Inn, walks in the front door, walks up to the front desk. Just as his luck would have it, that insufferable French guy is standing there, looking at Luke like he's a homeless person who is going to ask Michel for spare change.

    "Get Lorelai," he says to Michel.

    Michel eyes him dubiously. "I do not know --" he begins.

    "Get Lorelai," he says. "Now."

    Michel rolls his eyes and sighs and decides to cut his losses, because he goes somewhere in back.

    Then he comes back a minute or two later. "She will be here in a moment," Michel says. Then he sniffs in Luke's direction. "That cologne... you must tell me... Eau de Grilled Cheese, perhaps?"
   
    But Luke is saved from having to pummel Michel's head into the front desk, because Lorelai appears.

    "Hey!" she says, cheerily. "This is a surprise. I don't suppose you're hiding a thermos of coffee somewhere about your person? Or maybe some valium for Michel?"
   
    Luke just says, "He's leaving."
   
    Lorelai glances at Michel, who is making no effort to disguise the fact that he's watching them. She walks up to Luke and takes his arm and steers him into the kitchen.
   
    Sookie sees them, and her eyes light up and she starts to walk over to them - God knows Luke and Lorelai haven't had much interaction with the Stars Hollow denizens since they finally got together - but Lorelai makes some sort of gesture with her hand at her throat, shaking her head, and Sookie looks disappointed but goes back to doing something complicated with leeks.
   
    They stand next to the coffee machine. Lorelai takes a deep breath. "Ok," she says. "Tell me what happened."

    "Jess happened," says Luke, and he knows he sounds a little melodramatic, but he can't help it. "Jess happened, and now he's leaving to be with his real father. In California."

    Luke sees Lorelai's look of panic, and he knows she is thinking of Rory, not him, and he doesn't hold it against her. He rubs his eyes. "I'm sorry, Lorelai. I'm sorry I brought him out here. You were right all along. I didn't know what I was getting into. Now he's going to break Rory's heart, and it's all my fault."
   
    Lorelai frowns, but Luke can't really tell what she's thinking. But people are milling around the kitchen, and Sookie and one of the prep cooks keep glancing at them and whispering, and Lorelai evidently notices it too because she takes his arm again. "Come on," she says.

    She leads him out back, past the old potting shed, near the little lake. Even though she's wearing business clothes, she just sits down,  right in the grass. "Sit down," she says.

    So he sits, and they look at the lake.

    "Listen to me," says Lorelai. "You did the right thing by that kid, from the very beginning, and I never had any right to try to interfere in that. I don't want you to ever regret bringing him here."

    Luke pulls blades of grass out of the ground, one at a time. He can't talk yet.

    So Lorelai continues. "I know how hard it must be for you, that he's going to take off like this. And I'm not going to say anything stupid like, 'It's for the best', or 'He has to find himself', or whatever." She puts a hand on his arm and he looks up from his little pile of uprooted grass and meets her eyes. "But I am here for you," she says.

    "But, what about Rory? She's gonna hate me."

    "Ok, now you've left the Understandably Regretful quadrant and are heading straight for Planet Insanity."

    Luke shakes his head. "Give me that one again, in English."

    "Rory would never hate you. That's crazy talk."

    "But if it weren't for me..."

    "The residents of Planet Insanity are now throwing rocks at those weird lights up in the sky." Lorelai sighs. "Rory and I talked, while we were in Europe. A lot. She's known for a long time something was wrong, with Jess. She's been expecting something to happen. And I think they talked last night. He might have told her."
   
    "Might have?"

    "She seemed really, really sad this morning. But she said she wasn't ready to talk about it. So we had breakfast. That was it."

    "You cooked breakfast?" Luke asks, bemused.

    "My extensive travels in Europe taught me to appreciate my innate talent for pouring cereal."

    Luke shakes his head again, doesn't try to unravel that one.

    "Do you think I made any difference at all?" he asks "Do you think Jess will come out of this a better person?"

    "You tried, and that's what matters" says Lorelai. "Even when it meant telling me and the entire town to back off. You did your best." She takes a deep breath. "And that's part of why I love you, too."

    Luke looks at her, shocked.

    She grins at him mischieveously. "I wasn't asleep the other night."

    While Luke's head is still spinning, and he's trying to make sure he really just heard that, Lorelai reachers over and holds Luke's hand.

    "Yes," she says. "I did just say that, and I hope you realize how scary it is for me."

    "Well..."

    "Unfortunately for you, that means you're definitely going to have to come to dinner with my parents soon."

    Luke half-smiles. "Your Mom saw us holding hands at Rory's graduation. I think they've got the hint."

    "Oh, Luke, Luke, Luke. You know better than that."

    "She glared at me and said it took us long enough."

    "And she hasn't let a day go by since then without reminding me. That was just the beginning."
   
    "Thanks, you've actually managed to distract me from thinking about Jess for a few seconds."

    Lorelai smiles at him; then looks confused. "Hey, who's running the diner?"

      Luke sighs. "I have no idea."

***

    When Luke gets back, things are actually pretty much under control, and he sees Jess at the cash register, cashing someone out.

    "Hey," says Jess.

    "Hey. Things ok here?" he asks.

    "Fine."

    "All right."

    They don't talk about it anymore, and they never mention Luke walking out of the diner.

    But that night, upstairs, Jess says "It's not going to be forever. I'll come back and visit."

    "Well," Luke says. "You're always welcome to."

    Jess seems to want to say more, but Luke can imagine how hard it must be for him. "Look, Jess," he says. "I get it. You don't have to say anything. You want to get to know your real father, nobody has a right to stand in the way of that."

    "He could end up being a real jerk," Jess points out.

    "And he might not. You're not going to know until you go find out. When are you leaving, anyway?"

    Jess smirks. "Can't wait to get rid of me, can you?"

    Luke glares at him. "You know that's not true."

    Jess shrugs. "Yeah. I guess I do." He sighs. "My ticket is for next Friday."

    So soon; Luke feels like he's been hit again. But he stifles it, and says, "I suppose you want me to keep it quiet, otherwise you'll end up with a Stars Hollow farewell festival."

    "Yes, please, for the love of god."

    "How did Rory take it?" Luke asks.

    Jess frowns and looks at his shoes. "Not so well. But she didn't have a meltdown or anything. We're going to try to keep things going, you know, long distance... And I'll come visit, like I said..." He trails off, and Luke can hear the futility and frustration in his words.

    "Yeah," Luke says. "I'm sure it'll all work out."

***

    Luke gets up Friday morning, planning on driving Jess to the airport for his early morning flight, and opening the diner a little late. But when he gets out of bed, he realizes something is wrong. It's too quiet in the apartment. He goes and looks around.

    Sure enough, Jess's suitcases are gone, his bed is made, and there's a letter on the kitchen table.

    He sighs and picks it up, suppressing the urge to run down the stairs and try to catch Jess before...


        So, I caught the bus. I can't handle the goodbye stuff, it was hard enough with Rory. I think you understand. We would've both hated it. But I'm planning on coming back around Christmas, if I can get a job and scrape up enough money for a ticket. I don't know if I'll be able to find a job as spiritually and culturally enlightening as working at the diner, though.

        Thanks for everything. Thanks for Stars Hollow.

        I'd say more, but word might get out and ruin my reputation. 

        -Jess
  
***
   
    Luke doesn't expect to see Rory and Lorelai in the diner the morning Jess leaves; he figures they'll all be avoiding each other and the Jess topic for a couple of weeks. But they do come in for breakfast, before Lorelai goes to work. The two of them sit at the counter and make brittle, but light-hearted conversation with him. They joke around. They smile at him a lot.

    And then Luke realizes: They are here for him.

***

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Luke and Lorelai drive Rory to her dorm at Yale.  The drive is quiet; the absence of Jess is still strange, and the spot in the Jeep where it seems like he should be sitting is instead piled with Rory's boxes and bags.

    After they've brought the last of Rory's things up to her dorm room, Lorelai says "Ok, kiddo, this is it. Be good. You're going to do great."

    "Ok, Mom. Call me when you get back to Stars Hollow. Or better yet, email me. I set up that computer for you so that it's going to be virtually impossible for you to mess it up, and I already put my new email address at school in the address book. So you've got no excuse to avoid the evils of technology."

    "But it's so much easier to just pick up the phone," protests Lorelai, and Luke gets the feeling she and Rory have had this argument before.

    "It's long distance," Rory says.

    Lorelai sighs. "I will email you."

    "Good." Rory smiles and hugs her mother.  

    They separate, and Lorelai says, "Well, I'm going to see how scary the dorm bathrooms are. I'll be back in a minute and then Luke can try to drag me away to the car while I cling to your ankles and wail."

    "I thought we agreed there would be no wailing," says Rory, frowning.

    "I'm sorry, but do you have anything in writing?" asks Lorelai, and then skitters out of the room before Rory can protest any further.

    Luke realizes that Lorelai is giving them a moment alone, so he pulls out an envelope and hands it to Rory. Inside it are two hundred-dollar bills.

    She opens it and grins. "Thanks, Luke! You didn't have to do this, you already got me a graduation present."

    "It's just a little extra money for pizza delivery on those late studying nights," he says.  Luke is still sketchy on the details of how Rory's education is being paid for; he assumes it's mostly being covered by Lorelai's family or scholarships. But he knows that the little miscellaneous expenses add up fast, and figures that Lorelai will be covering a lot of them rather than let her parents do it.  So he's already decided to send a couple of hundred dollars to Rory whenever he can, just to help out. Not that he's told Lorelai this; he doesn't want her to think he's trying to encroach on her parenting territory.

    And then Luke hugs Rory, a little awkwardly.

    "You'll remember what we talked about?" asks Rory. "About Mom?"

    "Of course," says Luke. "Don't worry, she'll be fine."

    "I hope so."

    "Hope what?" asks Lorelai, coming back into the room. 

    "Nothing," says Rory quickly. Then she takes a deep breath, exhales. "So..."

    "So..." says Lorelai.

    And mother and daughter gaze at each other, and Luke can see that tears are welling up in both of their eyes, so he says, "Uh, I'll be in the Jeep. You two take as long as you need.  Bye, Rory."

    "Bye, Luke," says Rory, her voice catching in her throat.

    ***

    Lorelai catches up to Luke before he even makes it to the parking lot.

    "Hey," he says. "You two all right?"

    Lorelai sniffles a little tiny bit. "We stayed up talking all night last night. We agreed there would be no hysterics. I think we pulled it off, unless Rory comes running back out here shrieking like the first time I tried to drop her off at pre-school." She laughs a little. "Although that was only because one of the boys tried to put a lizard in her hair."

    "The dorm seemed fairly reptile-free," says Luke.

    "Maybe her roommate will have a pet iguana," says Lorelai wistfully.

    The drive home is again quiet, and Luke is internally gearing himself up for a Lorelai meltdown.  But she just stares out the window, and since they've gotten to the point where they can achieve a comfortable silence these days, he just holds her hand and drives. 

   When they pull up at Lorelai's house, Luke's not too sure what to do. He doesn't want to make any assumptions. But Lorelai just cuts right to the chase and looks at him and says, "You'll stay tonight, right?"

    Luke reaches over and squeezes her hand.  "Of course," he says.

***

   So Luke makes a quick run to the market and then cooks them dinner in Lorelai's bewildering kitchen, while Lorelai takes a shower. He makes a mental note to buy a cast-iron skillet and some decent utensils from the restaurant supply company to leave here.

    He has to actually wipe dust off the top of the stove before he lights the burner.

    He makes her two cheeseburgers, just the way she likes them; medium, with extra cheddar cheese and - ugh - mayo.   He makes himself a turkey burger, hoping Lorelai won't notice. On a whim he bought a box of brownie mix at the market, so he mixes those up while the burgers are cooking, and after much searching finds a suitable baking pan. Which also needs to be dusted off before use.
   
    When the burgers are done, Luke slides the brownies into the oven and looks in vain for an oven timer. There isn't one, of course, so he has to fiddle with the microwave and use that as a timer instead.

    In the living room, Lorelai is sitting in a fluffy bathrobe, scanning television channels. Luke hands her a plate with her cheeseburgers and a huge pile of ridiculous "gourmet" potato chips he bought at the market. Applewood barbecue and smoked cheddar flavored, the bag claimed, which Luke thinks is a lot of responsibility to put on a stupid potato chip.
   
    Lorelai's eyes light up as she takes her plate. "Have I mentioned recently that you're the best boyfriend in the whole world?"

    "I try," says Luke, and sits down next to her to eat his own burger.

    They eat, and watch television, and Lorelai quickly becomes obsessed with the potato chips.

    "You have to try one of these," says Lorelai. "They're the most amazing potato chips I've ever eaten."

    He starts to protest that he's not into deep-fried snack foods, no matter how many different flavors of chemicals they've been soaked in, but he decides to be nice, given the circumstances, and lets her feed him one.

    "Ok," he admits. "They're good. But you should see how much fat and sodium-"

    "Hey!" Lorelai interrupts, looking at him suspiciously.

    "What?" asks Luke, trying to casually shield the turkey burger from her view with his arm.

    "Well, don't think I didn't notice that you're being a freak and eating ground turkey in my house, but that's not it." She sniffs. "I smell... baked goods. I smell chocolate."

    "Yeah. It's a surprise."

    "You mean that my oven even works?"

    "That, too."

    "I'm not sure how to react to the smell of food being cooked in this house." She smiles at him. "But if it involves chocolate, and more burgers exactly like this one, I could definitely get used to it."
   
    "You know, I could teach you how to cook..."

    Lorelai laughs and laughs.

***

    After dinner, Luke cleans up the kitchen and takes the brownies out of the oven.  Then he assembles a huge sundae for Lorelai: warm brownie, vanilla ice cream, Hershey's syrup, and lots of whipped cream.

    When she sees it her face lights up again, and she says "Excuse me, but I have to go email Rory right now and tell her to leave home for college more often." She smiles up at him. "You really are the best."

    Luke laughs. "It's no big deal. If I wasn't cooking for you here, I'd be cooking for you at the diner."

    "Where's yours?" Lorelai asks.

    "I'm just going to get a bowl of ice cream."

    Lorelai looks at him. "Just vanilla ice cream? By itself."

    "Come on, I ate your potato chips, what more do you want from me?"

    "Sit."

    Luke grins and shakes his head and sits down. Lorelai insists on sharing her sundae with him, won't even let him get up and get an extra spoon, just feeds him alternating bites.

***

    Later, in bed, Lorelai sits up and takes off her t-shirt, and Luke gazes at her gleaming skin, as he always does, with just a touch of disbelief that he's actually gotten so damn lucky.

    She slides back into the bed, melts up against him, and runs a palm over his chest meaningfully.

    It's tough, but Luke manages to say "Lorelai... We don't have to..."

    "Shhh," she says, "I don't want to think. I just want you. To make me not think." And then she sits up again, climbs on top of him, straddling him.  Which pretty much removes any free will he had left. So he reaches up and cups a hand behind her neck and pulls her mouth down to his.

    It's good. It always is, with Lorelai.

    But afterwards they lapse back into silence; Lorelai falls asleep quickly, and Luke watches her sleep a while before he turns off the light.

***

    Sometime in the middle of the night, Luke is awakened by a feeling of something being seriously not right. He automatically reaches over to Lorelai. Or where she should be. His palm finds nothing but empty bed. He sits up, panicked and adrenalized. Did someone break in and kidnap her? Did she do some crazy thing like get in the car and drive back to Yale?

    But then he calms down, turns on the light, gets out of bed. Then he knows. He pulls on a pair of jeans, doesn't stop for a t-shirt, just pads down the stairs and finds Lorelai where he expects her to be.

    In Rory's room. Curled up in Rory's old bed, clutching a pillow. She's not making any noise, but Luke can see that she's shaking, sobbing silently.

    He walks to the bed, sits down next to her. He rests a hand on her shoulder, doesn't say anything. She reaches up and clutches his forearm, and her hand is cold. So Luke lies down with her in the tiny bed, wraps her in his arms while she cries.

    "Luke," she whispers after her sobbing has subsided a little. "They're both gone. They're really gone."

    Luke sighs. He wishes he could remember how to cry, to let some of this out. But he can't, not really.

    "I know, Lorelai," he says. "I know. But we'll be all right. We're both good at that."

***

    Luke is making a fresh pot of coffee after the breakfast rush ends when he looks up and sees a familiar redhead walk into the diner.

    Nicole.

    As his heart starts pounding and making him feel a little panicky, he watches her approach the counter. She looks more than a little apprehensive herself.

    "Hello, Luke," she says.

    "Nicole. How are you?"
   
    "Fine," she says, and Luke must look really panicked, because she laughs and says, "Don't worry, it's just business--it's my month again. Taylor had me write up an amended lease he'd like for you to look over."

    "Oh, uh, sure." Luke laughs nervously. "Coffee?"

    "That would be lovely," she says.

    So he gets her her coffee, and they avoid each other's eyes as she explains the changes Taylor is requesting in the lease.

    "I'll leave this copy with you, and you can call me if you have any questions," she says.

    "Ok, thanks." Their eyes accidentally meet.

    "Luke--" Nicole begins uncertainly.

    "Yeah?"

    "Do you mind if I ask--how are things going? With you and Lorelai?"

    Luke has to suppress a smile, because things are going so well. Lorelai is adjusting to life without Rory in the house, and Luke spends most of his spare time at Lorelai's now.  It's getting comfortable. They've even had Sookie and Jackson over for dinner a couple of times. Like a real couple. Sure, half of said couple is a crazy woman with a major caffeine addiction and a penchant for anthropomorphizing her food, but Luke wouldn't trade it for anything. And the sex, well, the sex is still amazing.

    Of course, he's not going to tell Nicole any of this, so he just says, "Things are going fine."

    But she sees right through him; she smiles knowingly and says, "I thought so. You look really good."

    "Huh?" says Luke, a little taken aback.

    Nicole laughs. "Calm down, I'm not hitting on you, I just meant you look, I don't know, happy. You look like you've been sleeping better."

    "Hmm. Yeah. I guess I am. Happy, I mean." Luke feels instantly guilty for saying it. "Look, Nicole--"

    But she laughs again, stands up and gathers up her files. "Just remember to invite me to the wedding," she says, and walks away, leaving Luke to stand there, utterly confused.

    Wedding?

    Women, thinks Luke, with a grudging admiration, Women and their damned intuition.

***

    That night, Luke closes up the diner and showers and heads to Lorelai's house, as usual.

    But she's acting strange, a little standoffish, distant, and it causes Luke to have a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach. Is this the cooling-off period happening so soon? Is she getting bored with him already? Whenever Rachel got like this, it usually meant she would be looking up bus and plane schedules soon.

    So he finally flat out asks her what's wrong, and she looks like she's almost embarrassed.

    "This is stupid," she begins.

    "Try me," Luke says.

    "Well, all right. Um. I'm just a little freaked out that you didn't tell me Nicole was in the diner today."

    Luke lets out a huge sigh, mostly of relief. It's not that she's getting bored with him. And Lorelai actually being jealous is kind of flattering.

    "She's Taylor's lawyer," he says. "You know that. She was just dropping off some paperwork. I didn't know she would be there, she just showed up, gave me the papers, we chatted for about five minutes, and she left. I've told you before, there was never any great unrequited love story happening for either of us there."
   
    Lorelai just looks at him, still looking insecure and doubtful. "But why didn't you tell me she was there? I mean, you must have known it would get back to me."

    "Honestly, Lorelai, it didn't even occur to me. It was no big deal." He grins at her. "You're kinda cute when you're jealous, though." She keeps frowning at him, so he says, "Ok, you caught me. We had a quickie back in the storeroom."

    Lorelai gasps and throws a pillow at him. "I knew it! You're a terrible, terrible person! You won't even have a quickie with me in the storeroom, you always bring up safety issues and insurance..."

    "She's a lawyer. She was persuasive."

    And then Lorelai pounces on him. "I'll show you persuasive."

***

    Rory comes home for Thanksgiving, and when she leaves again Luke half-expects another minor freakout from Lorelai.

    But what actually happens, he never would have expected in a million years.

    Luke and Lorelai are in her bed, and Luke is beginning the slow drift towards sleep, and thinking that it must be true what they say, about women hitting their sexual peak later in life. He's got an arm slung around her waist, and and he feels Lorelai stir a little.

    "Move in," she says, out of nowhere.

    Luke tenses a little, coming fully awake, eyes open. "What?"

    "Move in," she repeats. "Here."

    "But that would be living in sin," Luke jokes.

    Lorelai shifts again. "So marry me," she says.

    Whoa. Now Luke is really fully awake, and his eyes couldn't get any more open. Is she joking? She must be joking. Luke's heart starts racing, and his nervous system comes online with a big shot of adrenaline. He can't see her face because of the way they are lying and because of the darkness, so he really, truly can't tell if she's joking.

    "Isn't the man supposed to be the one to propose?" he asks, feeling like he's walking a minefield.

    "I suppose," says Lorelai. "Were you ever going to?" Her voice is gentle, teasing, but there's something else there.

    Luke desperately tries to figure out what this game is, and what the rules are. He's in over his head.

    "I thought about it," he says, "But I didn't want to scare you into leaving town." He keeps his own voice in the same light, joking tone, gives her a little squeeze. Still, there's truth to it.

    Lorelai is quiet for a moment, and then she says, softly, "I was running from Max. You're not Max. Everything's different."

    What does that mean? She's gotten serious, changed the rules on him again.

    He spends too long trying to think of what to say next, and Lorelai heaves a big sigh and says, "Nevermind. Sorry, I was just kidding."

    Like hell.

    Luke sits up, turns on the little light on the nightstand. He swings his legs out from under the covers, sits on the edge of the bed. He hears Lorelai behind him, turning over to see what he's doing.

    Luke's got this old cigar box he takes back and forth from his house to Lorelai's, depending on where he's sleeping. At night, he puts his watch and the little hematite stone Lorelai gave him in it. It's got a couple of other odds and ends in it; some foreign coins he's gotten at the diner, a seashell, some little scraps of paper with phone numbers. And it's got something else in it, too, as of about two weeks ago. Another, smaller, velvet box. He's started carrying it with him wherever he goes.

    Just in case. In case the perfect moment strikes.

    This is probably as perfect as it's going to get.

    He pulls out the little velvet box, opens it. Looks at his mother's engagement ring, a simple gold band with a decent-sized diamond and a tiny sapphire on either side. His mother had blue eyes. He remembers her explaining to him, when he was a little kid, that his father picked this ring out because the sapphires reminded him of her eyes.

    He stares at it a moment, takes a deep breath, and turns around.

    He holds the open box out to Lorelai, who gasps, eyes huge. Like big blue sapphires.

    "Yes," he says. "I was going to ask. I wasn't sure if you were ready. But now, I'm asking. Will you marry me?"

    Lorelai is still staring at the ring. Luke is utterly terrified, but he forces himself to watch her reaction. Steels himself for rejection.

    Time ratchets down to slow motion, seconds oozing forward slowly, and it's just Luke and Lorelai and the box and the ring between them, and Luke's pounding heart. And then, after what seems like an eternity, Lorelai smiles and reaches out and...

    ...takes the ring from him.

    "Luke," she whispers. "It's beautiful."

    "It was my mother's. Is that a yes? Because if not, you're going to have to give it back." He grins.

    She takes the ring out of the velvet box and turns it around in her fingers. Then she hands it back to Luke, and his heart drops through his stomach, through the floor, and out into space somewhere.

    But then she holds out a hand, and Luke sees that she's crying. "Yes," she says. "It was a yes. I will."

    So he takes her hand, and slides the ring onto her ring finger.

    It fits, perfectly.

    Lorelai reaches out for him, and they embrace. Luke's heart has returned to his chest, and now feels in danger of bursting.

    After a moment, she pulls back, frowning. "You said this was your mother's ring?"

    "Yeah." He knew this question was coming.

    "So why were you looking at engagement rings in the jewelry store? When you were with Nicole?"

    And he's got the answer ready. "Because, after the first time I kissed you... Even though things were so bad for a while... I still knew, somehow, that only one person was supposed to get this ring."

    And Lorelai starts crying again, only she's laughing at the same time. Then she suddenly jumps up from the bed.

    "Don't move," she says, sniffling. "I'll be right back!" And she leaves the room.

    Oh boy. There's no telling what she's doing. She could be calling everyone she knows; she could, in fact, be leaving town in panic.

    She could be retrieving a secret stash of bridal magazines, ready to pick out place settings and bridesmaid dresses. Luke shudders a little.

    But she comes back bearing just a small writing tablet and a pen. She sits down next to Luke on the bed, writes something carefully, shows it to him. Written in slightly crooked but florid longhand, he sees:

    Lorelai Victoria Danes.

***

    A couple of weeks later, it's 7 p.m., two Fridays before Christmas. Luke is standing idly in the empty diner. He's already sent Caesar home. Figures everyone must be Christmas shopping.

    The phone rings, and it's Lorelai. "Hey," she says. "I bet the diner's really dead right now."

    "Actually, yeah, as a matter of fact."

    "Well, why don't you close up early and come home?"

    Home is sort of a misnomer; they've decided that Luke won't actually move in until after they are married. It's a silly, symbolic thing, but it makes a certain kind of sense. But what it really comes down to is that Luke spends most nights at Lorelai's, but still has most of his belongings at his own "home".

    "That's not a bad idea," he says. "I'll grab a shower, and we can watch a movie. Or go have dinner. Whatever you want."

    "All right. Going out sounds fun. Wear something nice." There's something suspicious about the tone of her voice, but Luke doesn't pursue it.

    But of course, he should have, because as he pulls up at Lorelai's house, he sees there are cars parked all up and down the street. He has to park at Babette's house.

    What did Lorelai do this time? It's not his birthday or anything.

    He opens the front door, is not exactly shocked to see that there is a party going on, in the early stages. Jackson greets him at the door, shakes his hand and says "Congratulations." Luke looks up and sees a printed banner hanging from the ceiling.

    It says, "LUKE AND LORELAI."

    It's an engagement party. A surprise engagement party? Why didn't Lorelai just tell him?

    He has to run a gauntlet of well-wishers, including a very smug Miss Patty, and an already tipsy Babette. Miss Patty makes an off-color joke about her regret at Luke being taken 'off the market'; Kirk shakes his hand, looking stoic. In the kitchen, there is food everywhere; looks like Sookie's been working overtime. And he finds Lorelai there. And Rory. Rory wasn't supposed to be home for another week.

    He hugs Rory, and he realizes he has a huge grin on his face, one that he's unable to control. He turns to Lorelai. "Ok," he says. "An engagement party. Fine. But why was it a surprise? Did you think I wouldn't show up or something?"

    "Well," answers Rory. "There still is a surprise." And she takes him by the arm and leads him into the living room.

    The crowd in the living room cheers when they see him, but Luke only notices one person in particular: Jess.

    Jess walks up to him, smirking. "Uncle Luke."

    "Jess."

    Jess shakes his hand. "Congratulations. I knew you had it in you."

    Luke is suddenly overwhelmed, speechless. He realizes he really never thought he'd see Jess again. Much less that he'd come back to help celebrate something like this, for Luke.

    "But just so you know," says Jess, eyeing him. "We're not hugging."
 
    They laugh.

    Jess continues. "And if you want me to be your best man, you're going to have to spring for another plane ticket. I blew all my savings on this one."

    Best man? Luke hasn't even gotten that far in his thinking. But he's going to need one, isn't he? And who else, exactly, does he have to ask?
   
    As Luke stands there, shaking his head, Jess says to Rory, "Uh oh. I think we may have overwhelmed him." Then to Luke: "It's ok, Uncle Luke. I'll get you a beer."

    Luke nods. "That's probably a real good idea."

    He feels a hand on his shoulder, turns and sees Lorelai. She hugs him, and whispers in his ear, "I love you. But I have to tell you, my parents are going to be here."

    Luke looks desperately towards the kitchen. "Jess?" he calls. "Make that tequila."

***

    Richard and Emily do arrive, in fact, shortly thereafter. Luke's done his time at the Friday night dinners, and has reached an uneasy equilibrium with the elder Gilmores. Emily always has a smug air, having predicted the relationship years ago. Richard seems to allow Luke, a self-made businessman, a certain grudging respect.

    Emily is carrying an elaborately wrapped gift box, which she hands to Lorelai.

    "Emily. Richard." Luke shakes Richard's hand.

    "Hello, Luke," says Emily. "Congratulations. The ring is lovely. But I hope you've taken away Lorelai's car keys until the wedding."

    And so the first shot between Emily and Lorelai has been fired, but they just smile at each other.

    "Luke," says Richard. "A word, please. In private."

    Lorelai is immediately alert. "Whoa there. What's this all about?"

    "My prerogative, as father of the bride," says Richard ominously.

    "Uh-huh. Look, Dad, it's not like Luke's not expecting a dowry. And, well, you can see we have no room for goats here. Besides, Luke's allergic to livestock. And-"
   
    But Richard smiles easily at his daughter, and takes Luke by the shoulder and steers him towards Rory's old bedroom. And Luke can see part of the reason Lorelai's father drives her crazy; he's so unflappable.

    In the empty bedroom, Richard says, "First of all, I want you to know that I approve."

    "I'm glad to hear that," says Luke.

    "Not that you asked for my approval."

    Oh god. He's going to get all old-fashioned. "Yeah, well, it's not as if Lorelai would have let me."

    Richard chuckles. "Point taken. And that's what I want to talk to you about. I know exactly how headstrong my daughter is. Nevertheless, I expect you to take care of her, to the best of your abilities. And I know that Lorelai thinks she doesn't need anyone to take care of her.  Regardless, I expect this from you."

    "I plan on it," says Luke, wondering if Richard realizes that he's been taking care of Lorelai, one way or another, for years.

    "You won't always understand her," Richard continues. "Not that it's given to us to understand any woman; but my daughter is more complicated than most."

    "Believe me, I know."

    Richard nods. "Last but not least, Rory, my granddaughter.  Rory has a father already."

    "I'm aware of that," says Luke dryly.

    "Rory's father, however, has tended to be less than reliable over the years. And in the future, when he lets her down, which he will, I expect you to be there to catch her."

    Luke swallows. "I will, sir."

***
   
    When Luke comes out of the bedroom, Lorelai is right there, grabs his arm. "Hey, sweetie - Dad didn't hurt you, did he? Nah, he's old, I'm sure you could take him - come see what Mom gave me." Luke tries to follow all this, and gratefully accepts another tequila shot from Sookie, in passing.

    Lorelai holds up a delicate, tastefully understated, jeweled tiara. "It's for the wedding," she says.

    "I wore it to my wedding," says Emily, holding a glass of wine, apparently speaking to Miss Patty.

    Luke thought brides wore veils. But he doesn't want to say anything.

    "Her head is too large for a veil," observes Emily.

    Huh? Well, whatever. Lorelai puts on the tiara. She looks like a fairy princess.

    His princess.

***

    In the end, they all get drunk. Well, Richard and Emily leave early; and Luke sees Jess and Rory leave, hand in hand, "to go for a walk". But the rest of them get pretty smashed.

    Luke sits on the couch, sinking drunkenly into the cushions;  Lorelai sits on his lap, an arm slung around Luke's shoulders, and explains to everyone that technically she was the one to propose first.

    "Doesn't count," slurs Luke. "I had a ring. I win."

    But Lorelai isn't having any of it. "C'mon, sweetie. You know if I hadn't said something, you would have taken another five years to get around to it."

    "Yeah, well, like my old man used to say..."

    "I know, I know. You've gotta take whatever you can get."

    "Right."

    Really, it's not such a terrible philosophy to live by, after all.

***

EPILOGUE

Luke cannot quite believe he is standing here, watching Lorelai walk down the aisle towards him, on her father's arm.

    It is the first day of spring. Lorelai is wearing a dress she made herself, spent months working on. It is strapless, ivory, showing off her arms and shoulders. She is wearing his mother's ring and her mother's tiara, and her hair is in long ringlets. She looks more beautiful than even he would have thought possible.

    Luke is standing under the chupah he made himself so long ago, in another lifetime. Which Lorelai insisted be hauled here to the park for this event, despite the religious confusion it has caused nearly everyone. Except Luke and Lorelai, who both know it doesn't matter.

    It took some gentle persuasion, but Luke talked Lorelai into letting her mother plan, and pay for, much of the wedding. As a result, there is a string quartet set up in the gazebo; lilies and roses everywhere; ice sculptures; and a truly huge canopy set up over more food and champagne than Luke has ever seen.

    And there is Rory and Sookie and Lane, all radiantly beautiful in their bridesmaids' dresses; and Jess and Jackson, at Luke's side. Emily sits in the front row, eyes dry, looking triumphant. And there is and Babette and Morey, and Taylor and Kirk and everyone else in the town that Luke has known all his life.

    He's not sure how he ended up here. When he turned thirty he realized, with complete conviction, that he would die lonely. He resigned himself to it, as stoically as he could, because what else was he going to do?

    And then, slowly, he became someone else, without ever realizing it. Lorelai found him, and wasn't content with the cliché that Luke was set to become, and somehow changed him through her mere existence. And changed herself too, in the process.

    It's not so confusing, anymore.

    And Richard hands Lorelai off to him; and they look in each other's eyes, and grin like idiots. And the priest is talking, doing his little spiel, and Luke's not listening to a word of it because all he can think about is Lorelai, and he realizes she's not listening either, and they almost start giggling when they both figure it out. Because it's all so absurd.

    And yet. When they get to the part where they do the rings, it's suddenly not so absurd anymore, and Luke's breath catches when Lorelai says the words "I do."

    And then Luke says the words too, and they kiss, and Luke has a flash of everything that's happened between them that somehow... contrary to everything life taught him to expect... led up to this. This moment.

Click.

***

    ~The End~

    Sunday, April 13th, 2003, 9:45 p.m.

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